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Posted 6/29/2009 4:44 PM (GMT 0)
i have not posted for some time.my mum is still here with me. did not think that things would get much worse but they have. two years of constant hospitals now my mum has epilepsy and suffered bleeding in the brain to add to her liver disease problems. she has contracted c dif in the hosp still manages to pull through. she has defied all doctors who told me she should not be surviving, but still she drinks heavily. she has a partner who rants and raves bout the hassle he has. she has no quality of life,she sleeps a lot during the day and cannot sleep at night. she cannot walk any distance.last episode at the weekend was she fell and cut her head refused the ambulance, then fell again cutting herself badly she is totally black and blue and when she falls the blood gets everywhere as it takes forever to clot. does anyone know what kind of help is available in the u.k, i need to take care of her finances as she is not paying any bills and refusing me access to her accounts to help her.her partner wants her sectioned i know it is very hard for him.she is abusive and hard to talk to. but i dont know what to do. any advice appreciated as always
Posted 6/29/2009 10:10 PM (GMT 0)

Allie, I am so very sorry that you are in the middle of such a mess, and that your mom continues to drink.  I am not at all familiar with laws or help available in the U.K.  I hope someone here has some suggestions for you.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 6/30/2009 4:04 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Allie, I too am sorry that you are going through this with your mom. I don't know the UK medical system or laws. Hopefull someone from the UK will read this post soon. Hang in there.

Lot's of thoughts and prayers.........
Posted 6/30/2009 8:05 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there Allie,

I am from the UK, I'm hoping I can help you a bit with ideas on what to do next, though it's a tough one.

I think your first step to sorting out finances, should be Citizens Advice. There should be one in your nearest town. Here is their webiste: http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
I'm not sure how much support they can give over your mum's finances, as she is refusing to give access. I'm not sure legally where you stand on this, and if there is anyway round the system so you can stop your mum getting into trouble with debts and things. Citizens Advice will be able to give you information about this. The service is a free one, so no harm in trying either.

With regards to the C. Diff, if your Mum still has it-try yakult probiotic drinks. They don't taste fantastic, but they're only small. Taken everyday they can give some protection. My hospital did a 6 month trial of Yakult, and during that time the number of cases did cut down, and the wards weren't closed in that six months.

I think you need to try and get your mum talking to the doctors about these falls. I know legally you aren't supposed to talk to doctor about another patient, as it's all data protection and stuff. But, if you do see your mums doc at the same time as her or something, just slip it in, as I'm sure the doc will want to know mum, and will then quiz your mum directly. It's definately not good that your mum is hurting herself when she falls, and it can't be fun for her either.

Just reading this website:-http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/howtogethelp.aspx

It has a little bit of information about what to do if you think someone is a risk to themselves. It says to encourage them to see their GP. If you're worried about someone who is very unwell, and they're a risk to themselves or others, you can ring NHS Direct on: 08454647 or call the police.

Hope some of what I've said helps in someway. Must dash now, as going to get my hair cut at 11, and still nowhere near ready.

Gemma

Posted 6/30/2009 1:20 PM (GMT 0)

when my mum has been falling it is usually caused by her excessive drinking. she is not good on her feet at the best of times, the alcohol addiction has taken everything including her dignity. almost two years ago i was told that she only had about 16% of her liver functioning properly. i have given up asking her to stop drinking, cause even when she is drunk she says she has not touched a drop. no normal person can take the amount of vodka she can and still function. sometimes i feel i hate her...sounds terrible she does not need me , never been a mother to me for years has two granchildren who love her but she never wants to see them. but i can't walkaway. i feel a failure as a daughter. i went to alanon a few times , but trying to get the time is just terrible.

my mum is in complete denial i know whats coming, i know she wont stop, cant stop. now i pray that she does not have to suffer anymore i feel my daughters young life has been taken over by hospitals and visits to her (which are never pleasant), so i feel as if i am waiting for her to die to put us all out of our miserymost of all herself as she is in constant pain all the time. is that really bad thinking that cause i feel bad

Gemma- my mum never calls or visits the doctor. she would not admit to not managing. she does not attend any appointments once out of the hospital. i cannot force her. she thinks i am a little miss know it all (i am 43), the last three times she has been in hospital they did not think she would pull through. her seizuires were lasting up to an hour they treated it as a medical emergency.when she contracted c dif, she was so ill and she was very lucky to pull through, after 6 weeks in hospital she was drinking after a day. thanksfor the advice on the yakult. sometimes she does not eat for days, then she calls out for indians, mcdonalds. i have seen loads of advice on what kind of fdiet she should be on and all the dos and don'ts. she does not listen. sorry i am ranting again.........

Posted 6/30/2009 9:16 PM (GMT 0)

Allie, my own mother was very much like yours.  She was a falling-down drunk for many years and never took advantage of AA or other treatment...never made a commitment to it.  Would go for a couple of meetings at AA, make friends with someone still drinking and they would become drinking buddies.  That was her AA experience.  Counseling she only went to a couple of times and quit.  She hurt me so much during my younger years (I was raised by my grandparents for my first 10 yrs., and then for another year when I was 13.)  Her mind was totally gone by the time I was in my late 30s.  She didn't want her "young boyfriend" of 21 to know she had adult children, much less grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  As if he couldn't tell how old she really was.  He was an addict who was out for her money...and got it.  I finally just broke off communication with her.  I was in FL and she was in NY at the time, so it was a bit easier because of that.  But I would have done it even if we were still in the same city.  I just couldn't take any more from her.  I totally understand your anger and your feelings towards her.  I've never regretted my decision.  I do regret that she never chose to get sober and have a relationship with me and my sister and our children.  I regret that she was never the mother I wanted her to be and it has affected my relationship with my own daughter.  I feel a lot of sorrow over that.  But it was her choice to continue drinking.  At the end, she didn't even know her own name. 

I just wanted to share my experience with you.  Your feelings are not bad nor are they unusual for someone in your position.  You may not be able to do what I did...that is something you will have to decide for yourself.  But I wanted you to know that there is someone here who totally understands your feelings and I don't think you are a bad person at all.

Darkies Gem, thank you for the information you were able to provide.  It could be, Allie, that you will need to have her declared a danger to herself and others.

Hugs,

Connie


Posted 7/1/2009 5:05 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your assistance Gems. Much appreciated.

Allie, rant and vent anytime you like. Don't feel bad at all. That's why we are all here. To help each other through some very difficult times.......

Thoughts and prayers...........
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