how im coping

WG, you hang in there.  You are stronger than you know.  Yes, 50 is very young to die.  But you have nothing to feel guilty about.  You gave a lot of yourself, despite how she treated you.  You have to remember that she did this to herself.  The anger will come at some point about that.  Dr. Kubler-Ross said that grief has 5 stages:  Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  The first four don't always occur in that order, or you might go back and forth between them.  I think she should have included guilt, as well.  But you must experience them to get to acceptance.  Once the funeral is behind you, you can allow yourself to grieve.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hugs,

Connie

Hi WG,
I think everyone feels like you do when someone dies... I could've done more, I could have been there more often, I didn't always give my best... you may at some point find that these things are true, and hopefully you can accept that maybe at some point in your life you could have done something better than you did it... its called being human! No one has ever acted perfectly towards anyone, even the people we love the most.
That being said, its been my experience that guilt is not a bad thing to have, it gives us the push to do better, but the flip side is that there is only so much 'better' we can do. I have no problem telling myself I feel guilty for not spending enough time/energy/emotion/ on someone... there is ALWAYS something I could have done better, there is always a place in life I failed. I also have no problem forgiving myself for not doing my very best.

Who in the world could give 100% of themselves 100% of the time to the 100% of the people that need them?

Please forgive yourself for feelings of inadequacy, and please remember that we're all inadequate. It is part of grief to feel guilty, just don't forget that its part of healing from grief to forgive. Blessings and hugs

Dear worried girl, I just came on line I haven't been on in awhile, I read your post and I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. You seem to be in control I'm so proud of you. They say God only gives us as much as  we can handle, but some  people are stronger than others. I trully believe your mom is at peace and looking down at you with pride and much love.

Take care of your self. My deepest sympathy is with you,

DeeDee

WG, the tears will come when you least expect it.  Like weddings, funerals are never "perfect."  I know it will be hard for you--the finality.  Find someone YOU can lean on for a change...and remember that God is always there, and so are we.

Big hugs,

Connie

well the funeral went well, there was a big turnout. i did well til the end where i broke down. i didnt want to leave her there and make it so final. but she is no longer in pain and that is what i keep telling myself.

 

Dear WG.
I am very sorry to hear the news of your mother. Now it is time for you and your family. Be sure to wear your grief openly, talk to everyone you trust, be sure to have cried and cried out. It helps, I didn’t do it my mother or father and it plagues me still.