i wonder

you chose the life you did

why you drank your life away

when you had so much to do

why you chose the alcohol over your kids

why you werent strong enough to quit.

why i loved you despite your addictions

i sit here and wonder if you would have done things differently

if you knew what was ahead of you earlier

i sit here and wonder if you regret the path you took

i sit here and wonder why

i miss you so much

i sit here and wonder why i feel so empty inside

i sit here and wonder why the world is different

without you in it.

i sit here and cry for the love we should have had

i sit here and cry for the time we should have spent together.

i sit here and cry for the mom i always wanted but never had

i know this poem dont rhyme and it probably sucks but i was thinking bout it on mothers day. it was my first mothers day without my mom being here and i am now regretting all the mothers days that i didnt see her and only talked to her. but i know in my heart she is at peace and that makes me smile.

WG, I think that expresses your feelings quite well.  Poems don't have to rhyme.

I can answer a couple of your questions.  Every alcoholic and addict I know has a few things in common:  They are trying to fill a hole inside themselves and they have low self-esteem.  While drug addiction happens quickly, alcoholism is slower.  There is a very fine line between a heavy drinker and an alcoholic, and most don't know when they've crossed that line until they are there, in the hell that is alcoholism.  Then they don't know how they can continue to live like that, but can't imagine NOT drinking.  And as long as the alcohol is serving a purpose of some kind, the alcoholic will continue to drink, despite family, illness, and in the face of all evidence that they should quit.

Hugs,

Connie