Posted 9/27/2010 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hello all,
Just wanted to introduce myself on this wonderful forum. I have been devouring old posts through the past several months and through tears and laughs finding great comfort in knowing I'm not alone. I am the primary caretaker for my mom, 60, who has Hep C, HCC, cirrhosis, ascites, diabetes, the works. Although she is married, my dad is 13 years older than her, and while wanting to help, just older, less "quick", not familiar with medicine, and tires more easily. Also the constant bickering between the two of them didn't seem to be helping anyone. So, my husband and I made the decision to have her come live with us, especially since we are so near the hospital. I am 28. I have two brothers who live out of the country, and they try to help while they're here, and those times are a godsend, but as I'm sure many of you know, it's not quite the same, as they get to go back to "regular" life for a while in the between times. I quit my job to take care of my mom, as recently, she seems to require 24 hour attention. Not to forget taking care of dad and making sure he's ok, since he's now alone in their apartment and has become lonely.
The hardest part is seeing how this terrible disease has taken mom's vibrant personality and positiveness. The only times we see "old" mom come out is when she gets blood transfusions (from all the extra energy). She has been very depressed lately - it seems the more information she hears about transplants, and all the drugs afterwards, other people's stories, life expectancy, etc. she loses more will to fight. We've been living @ the hospital more than @ home the past several months, and she is constantly nauseous and vomits everything she eats. As a result, she always feels like she's about to die. Sometimes I worry that she's already given up the fight in her head, but I will keep fighting. She is on the transplant list, and for that I'm grateful, but the worse her symptoms and body gets to my eyes, the more steady her blood tests stay. It's so confusing how that happens. Another question I have for caretakers would be how you take care of yourselves? My mom rarely sleeps more than an hour or two at a time and always seems to need something, so I feel like a walking zombie most days...
Ok, that's enough of my rambling, but just wanted to say hi and I that my friends love me, they don't really understand the depth and difficulty of what I am experiencing, unless they have been a live-in fulltime caretaker, which no one I know so far has. That's why this forum has been such a blessing.
- Hopesprings7