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Posted 1/18/2011 5:51 PM (GMT 0)
my mum has cirrhosis due to alcohol i just need to know how long she has left, she refuses to stop drinking always having an excuse she dosent eat and weighs around six stone she has stopped taking her medication because she says it makes her vomit she has no muscle litterally skin and bone, she is very yellow and all she does is sleep her condition has been bad for a couple of years but it has suddenly gotten a lot worse, is this the end stage??
Posted 1/18/2011 6:44 PM (GMT 0)
Lek8,

 

Welcome to Healing Well.  You will find a lot of information and loving support here.  As Rick said, see the resourse folder at the top of the threads.  No one can sya how long anyone has.  Liver disease affects everyone differently.  It sounds like mum won't stop drinking and that will only make her disease progress quicker.  It is truly up to her but perhaps a greater push might help?  If you can insist she goes back to the doctors, takes her meds and stops drinking she may have a shot at life but she's the one that needs to do it.  Maybe she doesn't realize that cirrhosis can be stopped not reversed and people can live for years but the drinking needs to stop.  If she won't please understand that it's her decision.  You need to look after yourself and don't place any blame on yourself or accept any guilt for it.

 

I'm sure many others on here will have more to say.  Please ask any questions you have and search through the old posts.

Posted 1/18/2011 10:06 PM (GMT 0)

Lek8, I just wanted to welcome you to the forum.  The others have pretty much said it all.  I have hep C and cirrhosis and am a liver cancer survivor.  I quit drinking in 1986, years prior to my diagnosis.  I'm positive if I hadn't quit, I would not be here now.  Quitting drinking is the most important thing that your mum could do to control her cirrhosis.  However, with her continued drinking, not eating, and sleeping all the time, she sounds in bad shape and will certainly die sooner rather than later.  Just when, no one can say.

Hugs,

Connie


Posted 1/19/2011 4:06 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Lek8 and welcome to HealingWell. So sorry that your mum is so ill. I know it must be tough on you. It really doesn't sound to good for your mum especially if she is continuing to drink and not take her meds.
What's her doctor saying? Have you went to any of her appointments with her and questioned him? Or is she not going to the doctor either?

Take care..........
Posted 1/19/2011 1:16 PM (GMT 0)
Most likely ... no one knows... only doctors and they can't tell specific guidelines... sorry to hear you and your mum are going through this... Sandi
Posted 1/19/2011 4:11 PM (GMT 0)
thanks for your advice, I feel that i'm just going round and round in circles, she still wont accept that she is an alcoholic which is my biggest problem even though she has been told a million times over by doctors and friends / familly that she must stop drinking. Mum has also had all the support i thought could be possible, addiction help an alcohol nurse, doctors, liver specialists you name it she's had it. now i'm on the path of a nurse who will come in and help her a home maybe just to come and open the curtains! I think she feels she has nothing to live for even though I live nextdoor and have three of her beautiful grandchildren here that are watching her waste away, its so hard to explain to them that grandma just dosn't want to be here anymore. I'm preparing for the worst and sometimes i just want it to happen sooner rather than later,and stop prolonging the agony as selfish as that sounds, but somehow she just keeps going much to my amazment. I feel so torn somewhere in there is my mum who i love and adore, she has just been taken over by pure evil!
Posted 1/19/2011 8:41 PM (GMT 0)

Alcoholism is a disease that tells you you don't have it.  Denial is the strongest factor in alcoholism.  Has she ever been to AA?  She is the one who's selfish, not you.  She would rather continue drinking and lose her life, instead of getting and staying sober and being involved with her grandkids.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 1/19/2011 11:08 PM (GMT 0)

Lek8... sorry you're having to watch your mom while she's in this condition....if you read your post... you will find some of your own answers there.... she's getting the support that she needs... she's choosing to not be sober... she knows the consequences... and seems like she wants to go... you are disengaging and doing the best you can...the feelings that you're having are pretty normal ... I know I felt the same way even after Mike became sober... there's almost a mood swinging that goes you have so many emtions that flood you... and then guilt because you want it over...take it one step at a time which is what you seem to have been doing...while you can not tell...seems her path will be shortened if she continues this way... take care of you and your kids...my thoughts are with you and your mom... Sandi

Posted 1/20/2011 9:28 AM (GMT 0)
thanks everyone i'm finding this a real comfort being able to talk, and people actually understanding and not thinking I'm cold hearted ! I am distancing myself I don't see her as my mother anymore, she left a long time ago, I try and take each day as it comes if its a good one I will talk with her, laugh with her, love her, if its bad I stay away and thats where i feel my guilt most because I feel thats when i should be helping her the most( Which i have done in the past I have got her sober on a number of occasions, for a year once! ) but as everyone keeps saying "its up to her" my husband said to me once which was a help " elly she has chosen to distance her self from you by giving up, so don't feel guilty for doing the same thing" its a rollercoaster, so yes the focus is on my kids and my husband and i hold on to the memories of the good times...
Posted 1/20/2011 1:12 PM (GMT 0)
Yep I found that just being able to talk some of the things out as they were happening was so important and beneficial... and I didn't know it at the time but reading the other posts helped prepare me for what was ahead... I had read through every post... it provided information ahead of time... for me it was things like the power of attorney information that helped ...one of the key things you just said is "I got her sober"..I believe... a person has to choose sobriety themselves ... otherwise the person "choosing" for them becomes responsible for the individual's sobriety and it's ups and downs...loving while disengaging is difficult and not always understood by family members or friends when one has been so emeshed with a person for years... a person or friends can feel like you are  "not loving" the person when indeed caring enough to foster the person's choices and responsibilities towards his/her own sobriety and health choices... caring enough to do that is some of the "toughest love" there is... and in the end can be life saving for those who truly become sober and healthier...but by his/her own choice... only then can sobriety have the chance of becoming long term and permanent... doesn't mean you don't love the person... on the contrary you are truly loving them ...by fostering his/her own choice for sobriety and respecting that choice..well that was more long winded that usual....and of course... take what works for you... from all of the forum... and hope that it helps along the way...Sandi
Posted 1/20/2011 1:52 PM (GMT 0)
lek...to clarify... my partner was sober at times for years at a time... he was unable to process traumas such as his daughter's murder, another daugher's death, and his brother's death... and that started his drinking binges...in the years we were together 7... he was sober for 6 years 10 months... however in the end regardless of the fact that he was sober... one of the binges affected his health which been finely balanced due to a TIPs operation...he attended AA in the end...and was completely sober.. it didn't matter... it was too late.. I had never believed in telling a person to stop drinking and never thought I would... but I did..early in our relationship and at this point also because the thought of going through the bleeding episodes that we had gone through five years before was more than I could bear ... I couldnt and wouldn't do it again..so I did give him an ultimatum...and he did listen and was sober...he had one can of beer that Thanksgiving... it was his last... that was the one trip outside the line... after the final ultimatum...and he knew I meant business... cuz as soon as company left... he woke up to the bags by the door.. he had made the decision again in the summer..from there we never looked back again...without sobriety Mike surely would have died falling down one of his friends steps... or who knows... and surely earlier... sobriety clearly changed his outlook on life and the quality of our relationship..please forgive the length of these postings...seems since Mike died dates times places all kind of twirl as my daughter and I regain our balance in this world...I thnk the key at some point I had to disengage from his decision... I loved him but enough to make him responsible for his sobriety...but never would I stop loving him... he was and is the love of my life...but finding the strength to disengage ... step back... and foster his choices... was not easy... but this actually was something that had fostered his sobriety early in our relationship.. I just didn't have to push it as much... or as finitely... he just was sober for years until this point ... dealing with dying was more than he could deal with... he thought ....but with that ultimatum...and a friend who took him to AA... he did come back to sobriety...in the end our friend stopped by on a weekly basis....our friend being a person who leads a local recovery group and AA sponsor for years.. so I had help from his intervention... support... and AA....along with my Alanon years ...well... that was long too... sorry..try to keep it simple...but didn't do it that time..my thoughts are with you and your mom in this tough time... Sandi
Posted 1/22/2011 3:14 PM (GMT 0)
so just had the doctor out who has baiscally said that he liver has failed and there isn't a great deal more that they can do other than boost her with vitamins and minerals that her body is lacking, so she wont be going into hospital, he said there is no point because she will just go backwards as soon as she comes out and the best thing for me to do is distance myself, he couldn't give me any sort of timeline only to tell me that she will get a lot worse, she is so weak very yellow and very thin her belly is very swollen and she is complaining of being in a lot of pain in her stomach ( is this the swelling that is causing this? and how much worse can be expected??? ) she managed to get to the shop at the end of our street this morning i guess to buy more whiskey, the funny thing is she is still in compleate denial, she told me that she always takes things one step too far but will bounce back again and not admitting that any of it has anything to do with drink!!! head, brick wall, bang....
Posted 1/22/2011 3:45 PM (GMT 0)
Did you talk to her doctor about medication for pain control?? I know that Mike was offered that... morphine ...yes it can get quite painful... everyone is different...thinking of you and your family today.. Sandi
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