VENTING!

I understand alcoholism is a disease, but I find it impossible to really understand the alcoholic. 

I understand it's the alcoholism that urges the alcoholic to lie, beg, hurt loved ones, but I still find it impossible to sum up much sympathy. 

I don't mean this to be hurtful.  I mean this to be REAL.

My husband, Ron, whose living with HEP C and LIVER CANCER, have done everything we can: specialists, drug trials, constant visits to the his many doctors, special diet, supplements.  When we were told 10+ years ago that one day Ron would need a transplant - I know in the back of our minds, we thought, come on, really......but we prepared, and I think because we were so diligent, Ron is still hanging on.

Ron is hanging on for me, for our children and our grandchildren...he's holding out for a better life and an end of life he can come to terms with.

So when I read that people are continuing to drink, fooling themselves, self diagnosing.....I say, BULLS..T. 

As a wife and caretaker, I don't understand spouses (mostly women) who stay with these men; these men who continue to kill themselves and torture their wives.

I just needed to get this off my chest.

Pam

 

I think I'm still in the 'anger' phase - not sure I'll ever get through it. Between Ron's disease and the Veterans Administration - I feel like I FIGHT 24/7 - fighting for Ron has been my only outlet.

Pam-

I think these women love their men and are hoping (hope against hope, hopelessly...who knows) that their men will make a change. Foolish? Perhaps.

I have been blessed because my husband stopped drinking when he received his cirrhosis dx. I feel very strongly for the women who post here and their husbands are still drinking. Would I have stayed if he continued to drink? Will I stay if he drinks again? I don't know. I'll have to cross that bridge if it ever comes to that. I pray daily that I will never have to make that decision.

Emma

Rick, it's Dylan Thomas:  "Do not go gentle into that good night."

I wish the best to everyone and pray for understanding.

Thank you Emma......
Sue

I for one stayed with my husband. Was he abusive at times?........heck yes. It comes with the disease. I was smart enough to know it was the disease and not him. I am not minimizing it.......it happened...... I handled it in the best way for me. Doesn't mean that I was a ninnie. Far from it. It would have been a whole lot easier for me to up and leave.......But that is not my style. I wouldn't kick a person while they are down. How can you blame someone who is in the middle of an encephalopathy episode for things that may they may say or try to do? I couldn't. And even if my husband tried to do something he was in no condition to be able to do it......And I was way too fast and a lot stronger than him.
Now when it comes to drunken abuse.......I personally have a no tolerance level as do most of you......But again.......it's up to the individual to make the decision that is best for them. We can advise......but if they don't follow our advice that is their business......I don't understand .......people getting mad or upset when their advise is not followed by someone they haven't even met and only communicate by computer. Sometimes they are just venting........they haven't asked for the advice.......they just need someone to listen.
Rick and David with all due respect......not everyone handles their situation as you two have done. All I can say is that you both are very smart strong men. Your ability to get through the disease the way you both have, is remarkable. But I think you two are the exception rather than the rule. It would be great if all patients followed their doctors orders and did everything in their power to over come this disease like you both did.......but it's not the reality for a lot of folks.....for what ever their reasons may be. Maybe they are not strong enough, or have enough will power or have the determination that got you both through it. But they deserve compassion and support just like anyone else. Well maybe not just like... but you know what I mean.

I know it's hard for some patients to read about caregiver's venting. It's too close to home......I realize that........that is one of the reason's that I started the caregiver's sharing thread that isn't being used as much anymore. It's purpose is for all of us caregivers and former caregiver's to vent and say anything we want to release some of the stress involved. It's imperative for the well being of the caregiver and their patient for them to be able to destress. It's a separate thread because for the simple reason: So a member who is a patient doesn't have to read what some of the feelings that go hand and hand with caregiving. Some of the feelings aren't very nice......normal yes.....but not nice. And if they do read something that makes them uncomfortable on it .......then it's their bad because that thread is not intended for them.

All I am asking is please be respectful when you don't agree. Don't attack and call names. You can get your point across without being disrespectful. Let's get back to the business of supporting each other .....not tearing each other down.......Thanks and take care everyone.

After Mike died I thought there was no purpose for me here on this thread. I found that sharing parts of our journey can inform and help others along that path as well as myself as I continue to grieve...I believe all our voices are valuable... loud and soft voices are important..I hope that this continues to be an open forum...

Mary and Sadwife-I hope you will continue to post and I will remain hopeful that your husbands will find a way to stop drinking. Husbands drinking or not, you will both need support and information. I think that you will be able to find both here.

Emma

Remember there is an ignore button...people have the right to choose to stay with their partners/wives/husbands/mothers/fathers/sisters.brothers/ it's a personal choice... they have the right to post here...ask for help... receive help...as I have tried to say before.... there are many many many lurkers who would post but feel they would be targetted if they spoke openly.... those who do speak... speak often from a heart of pain, fear, and lack of understanding....I would hope we could help people along the way and hope that through all the posts they could understand the totality of the situation. Every post is important... Every voice is important... every experience important... for there is assuredly one person who can relate... and if that helps then this is what the Forum is for... support, education... sharing and helping...and if the poster is not breaking the rules...then let em post... ingnore them if you don't like the content...or agree...there will never be a consensus in a Forum nor does there have to be... we all are valuable... everyone... we have the right to have differing opinions and experiences... Sandi

I think the caregivers thread is lost in its new place at the top, where all the locked library/information/spelling/medical information is. I liked it better when it floated around in the top 5 or so threads.

Emma

Regarding Rick's last post. Though I wasn't much of a drinker, when I was diagnosed with Hep C 2001-2002, my PCP told me to stop drinking any alcohol. I did so. It was 3 years later when I got into the transplant program. By then, they knew I had been dry for years, but they made a point of saying that a new liver wasn't an excuse to go back to having (even) a beer. They call it the "Mickey Mantle Syndrome." My transplant team calls my liver "theirs," and they look out for it accordingly. They've had too many patients that slipped. I have admiration for recovering alcoholics. Not being able to have a glass of beer isn't a big deal to me, but being a rebellious sort, any sort of restriction hurts. No matter, if I want to get the most out of my (life) liver, so I'll gladly comply.

Rick, when we are newly recovering (and 18 months is still new), we tend to lean too far in one direction or the other.  It takes some years to finally find our center.

Hugs,

Connie