How do you stay strong for your loved ones?

Hiya :)

I'm new to this forum, but from what I can see it seems that all of you members are wonderful people who give grand advice, and it seems to be a lovely community to be a part of. Therefore I'm very pleased to meet all of you :)

I'm a 20 year old student, and my mother's been an alcoholic for about the last ten years. Her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and understandably she took it quite hard, especially after my Grandmother passed. She was drinking very heavily every single day and causing rather a lot of damage to herself and our family life. Of course we tried everything we could to help, but as everyone knows, you cant help someone who wont help themselves. Unfortunately she became increasingly unwell and about 3 weeks ago suffered a bout of jaundice and confusion. She was immediately admitted to hospital and diagnosed with end stage liver disease.

She's been in the hospital since then, and was supposed to be discharged tomorrow, but has suffered another drastic dip in her condition. The doctors have explained that there's nothing they can really do as she's so malnourished (5 stone in weight) and her liver is down to only one ninth of its capacity. Its horrible seeing her like this as we've never had a good relationship, and I feel somewhat guilty and heartbroken.

However, my main concerns are with my family. I feel that I have to stay strong for my father and younger sister (who is only 13), and I'm worried that my studies and relationship with my partner will suffer also. This waiting for my mum to either get better, or pass is awful, and I'm just wondering if anyone who has suffered in this way has any advice on how to stay strong? My father is deeply affected and my sister is too young to be without a mother figure, and yet I dont know what to do to help.

My apologies for such a long rambling post and any comments are much appreciated. Good health and god bless to all of you.

hi there, im new to this forum too and the people here are remarkable wether they are patients or loved ones of those with this horrid disease. they have the best advice and are so caring. my husband has liver disease and i know how you are feeling, although my husband is not yet as ill as your mum. you cannot help the way your mum has chosen to live her life and it is extremely hard on those family members who have to watch. its easy to say but you must not blame yourself and all you can do is try to be there for your sister if she needs to talk and your dad too. cry if you need to and try to live your life as best you can. im really not very good with words and am probably not helping much but just know, there are people here who will have such good advice and will understand, which, is what is important for me, just to have people that get it! i hope you will get through whatever may lie ahead with strength and love. best wishes.x

Hi Ribena,
I am glad you found this forum, because everyone here is wonderful and has lots of great advice. They have really helped me, whenever I am just frustrated or really concerned. They become like family, always supporting you through everything.

My main advice for you, through my own experience, which is all really new to me as well, is to make time for you. It is really stressful dealing with this disease. It is a roller coaster! Literally, one day the person is fine, then the next they aren't. You have to make sure that you find time somewhere everyday, just for you. My time anymore, is to take a nice long hot bath. I also take at least a day a week to spend with my kids, just us. Anymore, they are with my mom more than me, my mother in law stays so sick.

When it comes to your dad, all you can do is be there for him. There is probably not much that will comfort him right now. It is hard to watch someone you love whither away. Just be a loving daughter, and show him support and that you are there for him. As for your little sister, I am sure that she already comes to you for advice, and for comfort. You have probably already took that role in her life, even if without knowing so. Just be there. There are things that a dad just cant explain to a daughter like another girl. I know this from experience. She will need someone there to comfort her when a boy breaks her heart, to do her hair and make up, help with homework. Just to listen to her.

Just make sure that you take the time for you and your partner everyday. My fiance and me, we dont have any time alone until bed. We lay in bed and talk and that is our time. Yes it sucks really bad, but we both know, eventually we will have our time. Have date night or something to that effect, as I am sure your mom isnt living with you, you should have time together more often. My MIL lives with us, so we dont get that.

I hope everything works out for you. I know you will find lots of support here, I know I have. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Thoughts are with you,
Natalie

Ribena,
Welcome to the forum! I'm so sorry for what you are having to go through but it sounds like you have a level head and a strong desire to do the best for everyone. It is hard to be the strong one, but apparently you were the one chosen because it was laid upon your heart to do so. The first thing that came to my mind was your little sister. I think it's very important to help her understand what's going on and honesty is always best. Have you been able to sit down and talk with her about what's going on? She's probably more scared of the unknown right now more than anything else. Hopefully your partner will understand and support you during this time because you're going to need it......In order to be supportive to your family there are a few things you can do....Be there for them, listen when they want to talk, feel what they feel, and do what you can to help....That is all any one human being can do. And of course there's prayer.But, don't beat yourself up if you don't have all the answers because it is truly a helpless situation and a very selfish disease. We've all been there and it is very frusterating when you want to make it all better but you can't. Most importantly, take care of yourself because it looks like you're going to be the rock for them all! And if you have any questions about your mother's condition, feel free to ask because there are many knowledgeable people here!
Take care and stay in touch with us.