HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

alcoholism end stage?

Support Forums
>
Hepatitis
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 8/2/2011 9:57 PM (GMT 0)
My family and I have moved in with my alcoholic mother..thinking it would help her. She now drinks vodka with a splash of lime 24/7.  She has been an alcoholic for 20+ yrs.  she has been in and out of rehab from the best to not so great..each visit she started drinking again and each time the sobriety was shorter..she just wants to drink.  My stepfather died 5 yrs ago and her drinking has taken on a new level. She falls and has broken her arm twice, seizures, sub deral hematomas.broken her front teeth out 3 times..but she still drinks. She has money to drink and not worry about finances... she is 70 and looks 90.

Currently: stays in bed most of time sleeps and drinks..lethargic. her appteite was good until about 3 weeks ago..now she hardly eats and experiences vomiting every 2-3 days that I know of. I believe she has the "wet brain"...no short term memory hardly.

I believe from internet research this end stage alcoholism.... what can I expect in the future..I think it would help to know what we are looking at.  any thoughts or advice?

Posted 8/2/2011 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Fab,
Your mother's going to be in a world of pain very soon. Once her legs and stomach start to swell get her to hospital by ambulance asap. Does she have yellow skin ? By the sounds of it ,she'll be in hospital for at least a few weeks . I was in the same boat 15 months ago. It's a long painful road. I wish you all the best . There are plenty of people around here who will help you ,Rick (Ziffle) is really good.
Michael
Posted 8/3/2011 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
Surprising her skin tone is not really yellow. She does this vomiting thing every so often..sick for a few days..cant even drink the vodka..then regains strength and hits the bottle even harder...she is a specimen..I figure if I have half of her genes I will live until 150 ! I drink only now and then and am addicted to Crossfit.. a gym my husband and I go to. But I am trying to prepare myself for the future..if at all possible.. My husband had cancer 4 yrs ago and when we got the plan of action it was a whole lot easier to handle. Guess I am looking of that..but I know everyone is different. She says no more hospitals,,she knows she is killing herself..she just wants to stay home and drink and wants me there for her..Not sure I can do this too long..its hard to watch.
Thanks for your reply and help.
Posted 8/3/2011 2:09 AM (GMT 0)

Fabmast, welcome to the forum.  I fail to see how you think moving in with your mom would help her, being the practicing alcoholic that she is.  Instead, you will watch her decline day by day and really be hit in the face with her behavior and your inability to change it.  Given her history, she does not seem motivated to stop drinking.

I suggest you read the info in the folder at the top of the page entitled Hepatitis Resources.  It includes info on liver disease of all types and what to expect, though bear in mind that everyone is different.  Some go along fine on the alcohol diet until their body suddenly crashes.  Others have symptoms here and there for years before they bottom out.

Who is obtaining the liquor for her?

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 8/3/2011 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
We moved in with her after her last hospiatal stay (I found her seizing, after a fall and blow to the head (2 subderal hematomas)..she detoxed in hospital)..so she came home, sober, weak and unable to live alone..we made the decision hoping it would help her to stay sober..after 3 intense months..she finally got a drink and its been downhill from there. SHE will get her slcohol..the last time she paid the housekeeper to get it and she stole her car and in excess of 50 thousand dollars! So I get her alcohol for her..its a moral delimma. If she doesnt drink she may die from withdrawals and if she drinks she is killing herself probably...She will find a way to get it...always has..at least we are keeping her off the streets.
Posted 8/3/2011 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
fabmast,
There's no moral dilemma here. It's unlikely she'll die from not drinking. Should you buy her alcohol, that's signing her death warrant.
Posted 8/3/2011 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
drs have told me that if she goes thru withdrawals on her own she may not live thru it. Her past detox in the hospital ( due to injuries from falling, etc.) have been life threatening and only get worse each episode. She refuses to go to any more doctors or hospitals...
Posted 8/3/2011 4:34 PM (GMT 0)
Let me see if I have this straight. If she goes through withdrawal on her own "she may not live through it." Buy her alcohol and she'll die for sure. There's no moral dilemma here.
Posted 8/3/2011 5:32 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with David.
Posted 8/3/2011 9:24 PM (GMT 0)

I agree, too.  As a long-time sober alcoholic (25 yrs.) I can tell you there is no way that I would buy an alcoholic alcohol.  See if you can get her doctor to prescribe Valium or Ativan to help with the withdrawals.  This is what is used in detox facilities.  You need to be in charge of this med and give it to her as instructed...plus be sure she is not drinking with it, which could be fatal.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 8/4/2011 4:41 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Fab,

Just curious, does she have access to a car? Noticed your comment about "keeping her off the streets". I've had the same problem with my mom, threatening to drive to get the booze herself if no one else did. Had to buy it myself, just to make sure no one else got hurt.

An addict has to want to quit; you can't quit for them. Regardless of if they do/don't, however, the problem can never be ignored. It can be painful to watch, but still must be watched by someone.

FYI, my mom is in ESLD, a couple days left to live (literally), and currently in hospice care. Some here may say I signed her death warrant; just glad I wasn't signing someone else's as well.

P.S. To others who have already decided she's in the wrong... You (nor I) know the full situation. We may never know. Just try to be a bit more supportive. Think about how someone dealing with the true scope of this disease for the first time will read/interpret your post. Hard enough to start sharing personal information online for all to see. No need to make it worse.

Post Edited (abysterical) : 8/4/2011 1:45:57 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/4/2011 12:32 PM (GMT 0)
THANK YOU abysterical !! You gotta be in the situation to understand..thats for sure..I feel the same way..trying to keep her off the street so she doesnt kill someone else or some family!! So sorry about your mom..even when you know the end is near it is not easy..my thoughts are with you.
I am trying to make sure my mother eats and has what she needs. I was out of her life for 2 yrs for my sanity and was called to the hospital when she was near death from a fall at the house.... I cant walk away just because shes an alcoholic (although my older sister did..easier when your 14 hrs away)..I had a wonderful childhood and the woman in her bed is not really my mother..just a shell of the person she once was. Thanks for listening.
Posted 8/4/2011 6:24 PM (GMT 0)
Abysterical, I believe (from previous posts), it is your stepmom who is currently at death's door. Of course, if you have related to her as a mom for years, then it would be the same as if she were your bio mom. How each person handles situations with alcoholics is their own business. I simply feel that it is very enabling to supply them with alcohol. I also found it easy to walk away from numerous relationships with alcoholics, even while I was still drinking myself. I don't need the drama, the emotional turmoil and drain.

Perhaps having "a wonderful childhood" makes a difference in whether one chooses to remain involved with an alcoholic mom or dad, and even enabling them. Mine was not so wonderful. I watched a beautiful, smart, creative, professional woman become a nasty -itch with a "wet brain" towards the end. I cut off all contact with her when I was 40, for my own mental health. She managed to live another 20 years after that, so I saved myself from 2 decades of upset. I know not everyone feels they could do that. But carefully consider whether supplying booze is really "helping" the situation. There IS such a tactic as taking away the car keys.

Hugs,
Connie
Posted 8/10/2011 10:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi fabmast. Firstly I'm sorry about your story. I too am looking for what happens next with my alcoholic dad. My dad has told us he will not stop drinking therefore all that's left for the rest of the family to do is wait until he drinks himself to death. We do not know what to expect.....its horrible. I also understand the issue with supplying the alcohol, this can only be achieved if the alcoholic wants to stop. There is no way we could stop my dad. My mum restricts the money he has but this has resulted in him stealing from us so what are you meant to do. X
Posted 8/10/2011 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hello all and welcome to Healingwell, I do understand your situations......My mom drank herself to death when I was only 17. At that age I knew nothing about life. But I found out about death real quick.

Each person has to make their own choices on which path to take. Some choices are very hard to make when it involves a practicing alcoholic. Do I refuse to buy any alcohol and risk someone else's safety or do I buy the alcohol and risk the health of my loved one? I guess fortunately for me that choice wasn't an option as I wasn't old enough to buy any alcohol.........but my mom had plenty of other people willing to do it for money. Not family but so called friends. Us kids did try and stop the deliveries but we were not always successful. Where there's a will there's a way.

Please read our educational thread in the Hepatitis Resource folder near the top of our forum. It has a lot of good information about liver disease in layman's words.

Again welcome........we are glad you found us.
Posted 8/12/2011 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
it is really hard to tell you what it will be like because every one is different. my mom was an alcoholic with hep c and cirrhosis but one minute she was not so sick and the next she was going into emergency surgery in which she never quite came back. she had ascites very badly, jaundice all the time, extremely tired and no energy and just plain weary. when she went in for surgery for a perferated ulcer she came out and just kept asking where her mom and dad was and i had to keep telling her that they had passed away and watching her cry over and over was heartwrenching and i refused to lie to her. we had her transferred to t he hospital where her doctor was and she told the emts that she was hungry and she wanted sprite, and they told her she was crazy that she had major stomach surgery and she was like bulls*(t i want food and sprite too. (i know funny right but she was out of her mind) and then she just went into a medical induced coma and never came out. she had fluids coming out from everywhere(eyes, ears, mouth, incision) and then her kidneys started to fail even though at first the tests said they were fine but she had dark urine and very little output and i told the doctors her kidneys were failing, then her liver failed and we had to disconnect the life support and she literaly died within minutes of doing that. that was the hardest week i had. btw all her doctors kept saying she had a chance yet one nurse, despite the rules, when i  asked her if my feelings were right she told me i had a better idea about it than my sister or my uncle and that people who came to that particular icu rarely make it out. i dont think she was supposed to but i asked her to be honest and not baby me. i appreciated that to no end.

but everyone is different but i am guessing that you should expect her to get weaker and weaker by the day and just spend as much time with her and make sure you tell her you love her all the time.

Posted 8/12/2011 5:51 PM (GMT 0)
WG, it's very good to hear from you. You sound like you are doing well. I well remember the anguish you experienced with your mother's illness. I'm sure it comforts you to know that she is now at peace.

Hugs,
Connie
Posted 8/13/2011 4:13 PM (GMT 0)
yes it does but i do miss her every day. there are days that i just want to call her up and talk to her but realize i cant but her not being in pain anymore is a blessing
Posted 8/13/2011 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
WG, you could try talking to her in prayer. Some also go to the grave site to talk with deceased loved ones. I believe that spirits live on.

Hugs,
Connie
Posted 8/15/2011 11:48 PM (GMT 0)
well guess some of the "ole" timers can chime in.... it took lots of courae for me to take a stand when Mike had a relapse... he had been sober... but a death in the family was the reason he started again.. after a fall down the stairs... a head wound... and falling through the window... I put my foot down... well.. it was Timeless alias ??? and David that helped.. me... buying alchohol is enabling... it's not helping... and it could hasten death and symptoms... u can use whatever reason for or against... it still harms the liver... and hastens death... I refused to sit and watch him kill himself... he chose sobriety... I spent two hours at his gravesite yesterday..... Im sure that the binges hastened his death... it's easy math.. you drink with ESLD you die... and it's not pretty... it's not pretty anyways.. that's my two cents from the other side of no treatment... Sandia
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply