HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

mother not doing so well

Support Forums
>
Hepatitis
from personal experience, how long do you think she has left
less than a month - 0.0% - 0 votes
3 months - 100.0% - 1 votes
6 months - 0.0% - 0 votes
a year - 0.0% - 0 votes
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 11/9/2011 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
hi,

my mother is getting worse and i'm very worried for her. She has had esld for a few years and still drinks. she is very stubborn and won't tell us her meld score, and denies ever being given one. the last week or so she has become very very confused, and having conversations with me when i'm not even there. She has been honest about this, which is a break through as she won't ever tell me anything. She is also saying that the room is distorted and everything is side ways, she can't walk very well and has been throwing up, and is refusing to go to the doctor or hospital as she is saying its just a cold or its because she is too tired.

Is there anything i can do to help? i'm very concerned as she has changed so much personality wise, that it seems i have already lost my mum. shakehead
Posted 11/9/2011 8:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Fairydust,

I am sorry that your mum is not doing well. And very sorry that she is still drinking. If she wants to have any kind of chance at prolonging her life she needs to stop drinking. As the liver becomes more damaged, the alcohol will effect her more. Unfortunately, if she is refusing to go to the hospital, there is nothing you can do...any way she will change her mind? Remember if she starts to vomit blood to call an ambulance. Many liver patients have blood clotting compromised, and vomiting blood can be life threatening.

Can you remind me again your mom's age? How long has she been drinking? Has she tried to stop in the past?

Please come back and post often.

Emma
Posted 11/9/2011 10:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Fairydust,

I see you have posted from time to time. I'm also sad to hear your mother is so ill. with ESLD in a person who is actively drinking, there isn't much anyone can do. But get the meds that will help with various symptoms...lactulose for hepatic encephalophy, bp meds for portal hypertension, diuretics for belly ascites or ankle swelling, etc.

There have been some sad tales here. Generally we see a person with cirrhosis diagnosis generally has 5-10 year down slide. Where she is on that path is unclear from your posts. And if she won't go to the doctor or hospital, there isn't much more you can do that respect her wishes to die at home...slowly.

Is she safe? Is she with you or alone?

Is she eating, getting to the bathroom on her own?

Some of the patients have huge crises that bring them to ER's and then some care can be started. My Mike's worst episode was a simple fever. He slept for 2 days and was burning up and shaking. I took him to the ER and they said he was in renal failure and had sepsis---bacteria in his blood. That was scarey. But it opened his eyes to the fact the end was near. That was just a year ago and since then he has cleaned up his act, endured unimaginable ill health, but fought for a place on a transplant list and was transplanted 6 momths ago.

We had the adult kids down at Easter, and all 6 grandkids came from the north to Florida to say goodbye to Pop Pop. It was pretty sad. Buy here he is!

There is always a chance.

Til there isn't.

Good luck, hugs, Carol
Posted 11/10/2011 2:50 PM (GMT 0)
FD1,

If your Mom isn't safe and needs no treatment, is it time for hospice and maybe a full time caregiver if you arn't there with her. If no treatment and near death, they will help either in a facility or at home. The can be a big help to the family.

This is indeed a sad time. My Dad didn't want any further treatment and he died at my home, where he wanted to be. His doc came to the house and the hospice folks were wonderful. I was glad we had him at home...

I am so sorry she has not been up for a fight.

Hugs, Carol
Posted 11/10/2011 3:51 PM (GMT 0)
Fairydust,
I hope that you are gathering information and working with your mom to help her make her medical decisions. Please let us know how things are going.

Mary-thank you for sharing some of the journey with your Bob. It helps all of us here. I think of you often and wish you the best.

Emma
Posted 11/10/2011 8:19 PM (GMT 0)
Fairydust1

  Love your name..sounds so magical.  I too, am so sad that your Mom is so ill and unable to fight to quit drinking.  But each person gets those choices, even if it is not what we want for them.

  My husband also has esld and does not seem to be up for the fight either and it's soooo hard to accept.  Although he hasn't drank for many years, he just doesn't seem to have to will to fight for a transplant...or even the evaluation..although he talks about it, but when it come right down to it, no go so far.  I, like you, at first searched for the answer of how long is he likely to live and have realized that no one has that answer and it is so individual.  This makes it nearly impossible to plan much in our lives, and that goes against my grain,, so it is a constant battle in my mind.  Plan...oh wait, just live the day and see how it goes..and leave the plan for later.

  I am so so trying to make each day a joy for him and me (in some small way, even if it's only 5 minutes of the day), so if he goes tomorrow he will have had a good day, or at least some small part of it will have been a good day.  I can tell you that accepting his choice is very very hard and watching him waste away into a frail old man has been heartbreaking.  I'm sure that you are hurt your mom won't share info with you about her medical condition.  I suspect she herself is in denial about how bad she is.  My husband was...and still is sometimes...and sometimes doesn't make sense (like today telling him he'll make a deal with me, if I buy him a cute little motor home he won't haunt me once he goes...Then he laughs and says ...wait, once I'm gone I won't be able to drive, right?" rolleyes   Yeah, right!

   I know how hard it is to find ANY humor in esld situations, but if your Mom won't quit drinking there is not a whole lot you can do, but be there for her, if possible.  And say over and over, "they get to make this decision for themselves, even if I don't like it."  Hope you post often, feel free to post on the caretakers thread...I suspect you will need to just vent sometimes.  It is a place you can come and vent or ask questions (even if you aren't her full time caretaker) and people there understand...and most likely have been in a similar spot.  I always smile when I see the word "Fairydust",,don't know why, it's just such a cool word.  :-)    Take care of yourself.

Angie1953

✚ New Topic ✚ Reply