My heart is broken

Mariel the last six months of Mike's life were much like what you are describing... we knew there would be no transplant... and the doctor had said six months... we lived moment to moment... I took Mike for rides down to the river... five minutes away... he would go out... and have a malt... or something he could eat.. I was surprised that he did that... we went in the early morning hours to Denny's when there was no one else in the place... I got off work at 6 am... usually went once a week... movies... tv that he liked... and of course my daughter was his buddy... and the two of them laughed and laughed...and there were hours and hours of him talking through the dying process...mostly I learned to focus on the here and now... I didn't skirt the hard issues... but I refocused him to the positives... and I must admit... I always told him about the doctor's "what do they know" cuz I think I always held out for a miracle... always believing in miracles... the miracle ended up being the beauty of the walk that Mike and I were given those last few months... and always supported by the people here...

Mariel... neither did I... but Mike and learned to walk between the minutes inbetween... the inhale before the exhale.. to stop and appreciate that moment... I learned to quiet my racing thoughts... to be there where he was ... just then.. and to sing dance... laugh... not literally... but whatever it was that would get his mind off ... the fears... the experience taught me to speak the unspeakable ... to tackle the topic head on... defuse the fear... and learn to center myself... and be quiet in the moment.. I was blessed with far more than I ever gave... and yes the unthinkable is the walk without him... and that my friend I have not conquered yet... but with God's grace I will... Sandia