Alcoholic hepatitis (made a big mistake).

I'm 24 years old. After about 4 years of very heavy daily drinking, I ended up in the hospital because I could no longer keep food down. In fact, I could barely stomach the alcohol that was killing me. My liver was enlarged, I had jaundice in my eyes and skin, and I was completely malnourished. A few tests later, I'm told that my liver enzyme levels were all over the place, and I have alcoholic hepatitis and I had to stay there to detox and absolutely quit drinking.

After a few days, I got out of the hospital and resolved never to drink again. I picked up a pretty healthy start and I was glad I was okay. I didn't get too many straight answers from the doctors, but they said cirrhosis seemed unlikely. I started eating very healthy, and my energy returned shortly so I began exercising. I haven't had my levels checked since the hospital, but I'd imagine there was decent improvement because I started feeling better physically, my skin returned to a healthy color, I had energy, and I ate well.

I did this for about three solid months, and relapsed towards the end of May. I obviously don't have an acceptable reason for this. It was a stupid mistake that was made out of frustration and cravings. I'd seen the doctor for a followup once since my hospital stay, about a month after I got out, and she said that I was looking good and things seemed to be looking better. She even said that there appeared to be no ascites (they diagnosed me with ascites at the hospital, but apparently I just got fat?)

I've been drinking pretty heavily up until tonight. Each night I'd say that that was it. Then I'd wake up with the worst hangover and shakes and sooner or later went back to the bottle. I don't think I can do that anymore. I will be seeing a doctor soon. I will make an appointment tomorrow. I really do not want to end up in a hospital detox again, and I don't think it's necessary anyway. I'm not having withdrawals as bad as I used to. No seizures.

I'm scared that I might have given my life up for 2 unpleasant weeks of drinking. I know I ought to wait for a doctor's opinion and to have some tests done, and I intend to make the appointment tomorrow. I guess I'm posting here because I'm sitting here afraid I'm going to die. Isn't it presumable, though, that over those three months of healthy sobriety, my liver at least partially recovered? I was certainly feeling better. Would 2 weeks of heavy drinking turn all of that around and put me right back where I was? I know, again, that the obvious answer is to check in with the doctor. I will. In fact, depending on how I'm feeling tomorrow, maybe I'll go to the ER. I don't know.

Has anyone experienced a relapse a few months after being diagnosed with hepatitis? Are my fears with merit, that this might have been the last straw?

Thank you for reading. I know I made a stupid mistake, and I feel like a fool, but I'm in a pretty scary spot right now (and blame myself entirely).

Thank you for the reply, Connie. Unfortunately, you're right, it's difficult to tell until I see a doctor what kind of shape I'm in right now. I feel okay. I'm eating food, no apparent jaundice, no digestive problems, etc. I do feel a bit fuzzy mentally, but I haven't slept in more than 24 hours so maybe that's the culprit. I want to sleep but can't seem to do that sober. Last night I couldn't at all and felt nauseous and anxious.

I've attended a couple AA meetings, but didn't feel as though I was getting from it what others do. That's not a knock on the program, because it's obviously been a tremendous help to many who successfully follow the steps and embrace the fellowship. I failed to do that. I'll be sure to check out a meeting after I get this sorted out. I've also been told good things about Rational Recovery.

I just hope that these 3 months of sobriety and health I had allowed me to recover to some sufficient degree. I'm terrified that I've caused further damage, and I'm baffled that I was stupid enough to do this to myself again. To be honest, I've got that "You're not an alcoholic" voice that comes back whenever I've got decent sobriety time under my belt. Either that or I feel like I don't need to put up a constant defense against alcoholism, and decide to "leave it behind me." Or at least I tried to. And when I started drinking again, I didn't expect to go on a two week bender but here I am.

Hope things are going well with your transplant. It sounds like you've put a lot of fight into this. 25 years is very admirable, and you're an inspiration to those of us in this struggle.

I appreciate the advice. I definitely need all the help I can get. Yes, I do often tell myself that I'm not an alcoholic, that I just lack discipline and that I can learn to drink moderately. I do convince myself that alcoholism is a real problem that other people have and that I just lacked control from the get-go and thus shouldn't claim it as something I suffer from. But in retrospect, I've lived like a typical alcoholic for the past few years, down to the T.

There's a meeting that I attended once a week for about a month, which was alright. A small group with some good people. I felt a little out of place, being so much younger than everyone. There's also a young people's meeting that I tried, but I wasn't sure about it. The place was packed with at least a hundred people. I like a smaller atmosphere better. So I'll give the original meeting another shot.

I just hope I didn't ruin everything with this relapse. I was finally healthy and sober. We're all going through this one way or another on this forum, and you all seem like very strong people who have been through a lot. I just hope this foolish 2 week relapse wasn't that last push needed to ruin my liver at 24 years old.

Again, thank you for the tips. Sugar does seem to help when the cravings kick in, so I'll have something sweet here and there.

Wow, young man..you are lucky. You get another chance. My hubby, who ia a wonderful guy, is dying in a nursing home from cirrhosis. Some days he doesn't recall we are married and today didn't recall that we have a home (besides the nursing home room). This is a horrible way to die..we are basically waiting for his death and trying to be upbeat about it.

So much he would have missed in his life if he had died at 24. Please, get to AA or Survivors of Sobriety or one of the groups and stick with it. There are so many adventures out there in life still for you. Please stay sober and life a life of adventures, to make up for the ones my hubby will not have now. Best to you Noro. Our thoughts are with you.
Angie1953 & Hubby

Congrats Caitie on your sobriety. It is one of the best things you could do for yourself. Are your liver numbers improving?

Noro

Maybe take a few extra shifts at work. Keep busy. Go for a walk go to three meetings today. Good luck.

Noro when you value your life more than the booze you will quit. Simple. I pray your fear drives you to AA or sobriety ... no matter how you get there. You are fooling yourself. You are playing games with your life. I would like to say nice things... other members of the forum have. Value yourself before yourself is not here. AA is a good place to start and Yes, I agree with Connie you sound a lot like people who attend AA. No, you are not unique in thinking AA is not for you. When you want to live so badly you'll do anything to grasp that breath of life... then you'll do what it takes.
I buried my partner 2 years ago.. I pray you have a chance to live. Sandia