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Posted 2/14/2013 4:22 AM (GMT 0)
Well,,,what I had been really trying to put off for ever has arrived...of course I am heartsick.  Took hubby to Dr today, as the swelling in the privates was really bad.  When I showed up from work to take him to Dr, he was barely responsive and really didn't even want to get up he hurt so bad.  But kept after him...

   He has acites really bad, 101 temp, infection in his stomach and is very confused.  May have a bowel obstruction.  He is sleeping soundly in the Hospice room at the hospital and I have moved in.  His really good circus friends spend yesterday with him and at first he was in great spirits, but pain got worse and worse.  Hope I didn't do the wrong thing bringing him to the Dr.  Dr. said he didn't think I could control the pain at home.

    Nurse came in...more later.  I am devastated!!

Angie1953

Posted 2/14/2013 4:45 AM (GMT 0)
Nurse Josh came in and told me, Blood pressure is good, lungs are good (no fluid), they think the kidneys are working okay so far. They are giving him lasix, but no lactalose til they know about bowel obstruction or not. Is on a dilaudid IV. Nurse seems very positive ... for now (as he says). They are letting me sleep in the bed next to him for the night, so good I don't have to sleep in the chair. Good night to all. Hope this night is gentle on hubby.
Angie1953

Post Edited By Moderator (hep93) : 2/13/2013 10:22:01 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/14/2013 5:24 AM (GMT 0)
Angie, you did the right thing in taking him to doc and then transferring to hospital. Hospice is supposed to handle his pain meds. So if he gets through this and goes home again, make sure you stay in touch with Hospice and have them come see him if he is in pain.

Good to hear that you have a bed to sleep in next to him.

Hugs,
Connie
Posted 2/14/2013 7:13 AM (GMT 0)
Angie-thinking about you and your hubby tonight.

Hugs,
Emma
Posted 2/14/2013 7:48 AM (GMT 0)
Angie, so sorry to hear he is feeling so bad.  Hope you both sleep well tonight and that hubby is better in the morning.  Prayers for you both :)

Hugs, Mae

Posted 2/14/2013 10:59 AM (GMT 0)
Angie , Sorry to see his return to the hospital . Don't you ever question your gut feeling on things like this . You did the right thing as usual . Having his friends close by along with you might have given him a much needed break from all the dehumanizing aspects of hospital life . I worry more about you in this particular situation , The stress your under has got to be heavy . Stay strong and don't forget to take a second of YOU time . We'll keep you all in our thoughts as always .


A. Ziffle
Posted 2/14/2013 3:00 PM (GMT 0)
Angie,

The path from here to the hereafter can be sudden or protracted...

Evidently your hubby has taken the protracted pathway.

With you at his side, making sure his pain is controlled and his emotional needs met, he will make it to the other side on his own terms...you will always know that he did this HIS WAY.

Hugs to you both,

Carol
Posted 2/14/2013 3:11 PM (GMT 0)
No words, Angie,

Praying...

Marie

Posted 2/14/2013 10:03 PM (GMT 0)
Prayers for you and your husband... yes.. go with your gut.. Mike blew me off when I told him he needed to go in and I insisted... glad I did.. made him more comfortable.. prayin... Sandia
Posted 2/14/2013 10:27 PM (GMT 0)
You did the right thing...
Posted 2/14/2013 10:45 PM (GMT 0)
p.s. Im lighting a candle for YOU two tonight.

Big hugs

Mae
Posted 2/15/2013 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone.
Angie1953
Posted 2/15/2013 12:47 AM (GMT 0)
My heart is heavy for you Angie,you did the right thing,he has everything he needs right now,including you ! Please take a few mins for you also tho,you have been through so much ! prayers for both of you,
Robin
Posted 2/15/2013 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
I am trying to remember to ....Breath. The universe is unfolding just as it is meant too.

Perhaps there is a lonely elephant on "the other side" that is calling. Hubby has always had an empathic connection with elephants...maybe he hears something we can't. Many of the big "girls" he worked with over the years are already on the other side.

Thanks for the candle lighting.. Gives me solace.
Angie1953
Posted 2/15/2013 4:23 AM (GMT 0)
Just lit a candle for you and your hubby Angie.

Emma
Posted 2/15/2013 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
Well...another morning is here and I still have my hubby.  We are listening to music (Paul Simon) and he is sleeping pretty soundly, with a slight temperature.  It is quiet in here other than our music, we have the blinds open so we can see the sun come up. 

I listen to him breath as he sleeps and try not to constantly rush over if he hesitates a little too long.  I tell him that all the work is done, animals are cared for and to just relax and rest.

I had some coffee and got cleaned up, will go get some hay this morning for my horses after Dr. comes on rounds.  Am trying to remember to....Breath....Breath.  Thankful that the night was easy on us.

Angie1953

 

Posted 2/15/2013 3:54 PM (GMT 0)
Angie, my thoughts and prayers are with you this day.. I remember well listening for Mike's breaths. I remember him hollering at me when I came in the front door "I'm still here!!" and yes later , I remember the breaths.. simply the breaths.. but more than that I remember that we walked together through his last journey together. The bond holds me today, keeps me each moment, for the world three years later has yet to quit twirling and yes I can still hear his breaths, see his smile, and feel the warmth of his love surrounding me. Yes, breath deeply, breath long, and live well in each moment of these precious times. Praying for you.. Sandia
Posted 2/15/2013 4:24 PM (GMT 0)
Oh my, I guess we all do it....I would stand at the door to my brother's bedroom at all hours of the night, just so I could hear him breathe. Did the same thing with my Mom, always dreading the absence thereof.

Angie, I will continue to light a candle at night for you and hubby, as you have done for so many of us. Hope they are still letting you have the bed near him :)

Hugs,
Mae
Posted 2/15/2013 6:07 PM (GMT 0)
Been thinking of you all morning, Angie....

Glad the night went easy on the both of you. I remember listening to his breathing as well. And talking to him quietly, even though he coudn't respond, I knew he could hear me....

I hope things continue to be peaceful and painfree,

Love,

Marie

Posted 2/15/2013 9:12 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all. Yes, I do have the bed next to him. Staff is really wonderful, can't say enough good about them....each and every one that comes in asks if I need anything...from Dr. to cleaning lady.

I have the "Desperata" on the computer and read it hourly. We are listening to the "Birth of the Blues" in our little tiny cocoon of a world. Thanks for the candle lighting, can't have them in here.
Thinking of all you that are traveling this path...before me and behind me. I will never be the same person!
Angie1953
Posted 2/15/2013 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
Angie, that has to be so comforting to have the staff watching out for you. What caring people!

Thanks for keeping us updated. May things continue to go smoothly.

Hugs,
Connie
Posted 2/15/2013 11:39 PM (GMT 0)
And in your cocoon... touch the spirit of the one you love.. let go all outside concerns and simply be there... on this journey.. for in this moment you are together communing though you see it not... you spirits touch.. your heart join together for this walk together... and yes, I was blessed to walk such a journey with my Mike and even today I carry him with me in our cocoon.. for our hearts are joined... where nothing can cause division... breath deep .. long long between the breaths that exist... you are becoming another person with great understanding of this path the two of you walk.. you remain in my prayers and thoughts this night.. Sandia
Posted 2/16/2013 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
Lighting some extra candles for the two of you tonight, Ang...

Peace
Posted 2/16/2013 1:09 AM (GMT 0)
With a heavy heart, I wish you continued bravery, patience and love!

Prayers being said for you both!

Debbie
Posted 2/16/2013 1:10 AM (GMT 0)
Angie,
Do you by chance know a David Mendez . . he was with Ringling Brothers for quite some time. I'll check the spelling of last name, but I'm pretty sure thats it.
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