Surviving the Losses...One Day @ a Time, Pt. 2

Just wanted to post this morning, as for some unknown reason I am having a rough week. Guess it is sinking in that my hubby is not just away on another adventure and will not show up at the door with stories of his latest travels and all the people and animals he met along the way.

Feel like I just can't get my feet underneath me this last week. There is a BIG hole in my life. I keep up on those here that are struggling with this horrible disease and their caregivers and wish them the best with all they are going through.

I know the day will get better....just sad here having coffee from my hubby's favorite coffee cup. It had traveled with him since 1979....the stories it could tell!
Angie1953

Lost hubby to ESLD and Hep C on Feb 15, 2013.

Post Edited (Angie1953) : 5/30/2013 6:16:13 AM (GMT-6)

Angie and Mariel

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time, I haven't lost anyone to this disease but when I lost my Mom I felt same way. It's so hard to go on sometimes and the smallest thing can set you running down memory lane, always the good ones tho.

8 years later, when something happens in my life that I want to share, I STILL, for a nanosecond go to reach for the phone to call her.

You were both so loving and caring and so devoted to their care, it makes it even harder. You want them back, "warts and all"!

I just lit a candle for you both as you Angie, have done for so many of us :). Bless you. I hope the sun shines brighter for both of you and keep us posted how you're faring.


Huge hugs,

Post Edited (Mae be here) : 5/30/2013 9:17:34 AM (GMT-6)

Losing my best friend a little over a month ago had left me feeling sad, especially that I can't pick up the phone and tell him all the latest. I was going through some old pictures earlier this week, trying to pick out some good ones to copy for his sister. I thought I would cry, but instead I was smiling throughout. The happy times before we both became ill; the places we went and the things we did; the big holiday celebrations with dinners we cooked, especially Xmas where we went wild and presents were piled 6 ft. out on 3 sides. The opening of same by family, as well as us. Times on his boat on Crescent Lake downstate. The Bahamas. Savannah. Sarasota 4 x, taking my young g'daughter with us twice. Taking both our g'daughters to the first Harry Potter movie. Our trips to Cedar Key. Orlando. Fort Lauderdale. Tampa. Virtually all over FL.

I'm not grieving that I've lost all that. I'm celebrating the fact that I was lucky enough to have some wonderful memories we made together.

Hugs,
Connie

Thanks for all the support and for the candle lighting.

Today at my office, in the midde of a busy day while I was talking with a co-worker, the receptionist called out, "your husband is on line one," and I turned around and said, "thanks" and reached for the phone.......only to realize....it was for my co-worker......it wasn't my husband That was a really tough moment, as just for a minute he was right there on the other end of the phone. (sad face)

I can relate to your post about how folks are expecting you to be "getting over it" and today one lady said, "well it's almost been 4 months" ..... like it was a lifetime ago that he died.

Even my Mom is saying, well...we just have to move on...like it is the simplest thing in the world. Hard to explain how shattering it is to one's life. Somedays it feels like I am swiming so hard just to stay on the top of the water. (Other days are okay) Don't have days yet like you, Connie. But maybe soon.
Angie1953

Connie,
Good of you to share your pictures with his family. I still need to do that. The last year I have some photos that I need to make duplicates of for his family.
Glad it's the weekend and I can chill at home. I am working hard to to get ill myself...sometimes feel really run down. Hope the healing is going well for you Connie.
Angie1953

All,

I agree with Connie's very essential post:  folks who are grieving sometimes don't take care of themselves.

Case in point:  My dear sister lost her partner of 40 years 3 years ago February.  Sis has not been the same. At first she was just lost in her grief.  She didn't eat, didn't sleep, didn't do her normal things. She got some therapy (lots of therapy), she lost 90 lbs (she had 90 lbs to lose) and started to feel thinner and good about that. But still was grieving terribly.

Then she started to lose her marbles. She has some kind of dementia that is confounding a neurologist, 2 psychiatrists and 2 psychologists. she has had every test. They don't find much wrong with her brain or her intelligence. She is taking the meds they give her for anxiety, mood swings, sleeplessness.  But she is getting worse...getting lost in her car, forgetting to do things like pay her rent.  For years, she was the person in the couple who paid the bills, did the taxes, organized the insurance, etc.

The only thing they can find wrong is on blood tests...mores specifically Vitamin deficiencies...very low B12, etc.

I think the docs are on to something and if she would just EAT right or take those giant Vitamin B12 pills the suggested, there is a chance she could come out of this.

Her eating plan goes like this...if it tastes good and is 100 calories or less, she can eat it. So a breakfast bar or a yogurt or 3 cookies or a handful of pretzels or one of those 100 snack packs of cookies or chips?

Are you hearing about meat or veggies or fruit...NO YOU ARE NOT. I am begging her. The docs are begging her.  When she does eat, she eats for a 300 lb woman...too much, too much sauce, ice cream...and then she has a horrible tummy ache and diarrhea...and goes back on the "starvation" diet.

I forgot to tell you that she may have 10packs of the 100 calorie  tiny chocolate chip cookies and call that a meal...NO IT IS NOT.

Well, that's my tale of the day. Nothing about livers...but about grief and killing yourself with not taking care....

Hug yourselves...you are worth it.

Carol

 

The best I have been able to do is to get her to go to Paneras and have an Asian Chicken salad. She likes that and it is the ONLY restaurant she has ever gone to ALONE.

I traveled for work for years and will eat anywhere alone, or at the bar if I want to chat with someone!

I wish she had not gone north for the summer. I keep an eye on her here in FL in the winter.

UGH...Carol

We can't MAKE others feel better.

My sister puts her state of mind this way: What's the point in going on?

So sad. Grief is different for everyone and I can see first hand it can knock a person DOWN.  .  Her partner died of Colon Cancer just 9 weeks after her diagnosis...and less than a year since her last colonoscopy. 

My good friend, retired, just lost her hubby a month ago of an unexpected massive heart attack at age 63, and she is in the process of packing to move to another state...she wants me to consider moving there, too. I think I read that widows should stay where they are for a year, so was surprized.

She is suggesting Venice FL. Anyone know anything about this place? ..I recall some of you are from FL.

Can't imagine having the energy to move so quick...I wonder if it makes a difference if your spouse passes away after a 2 year illness vs. coming home one day and he's passed on??? Something for me to ponder. Still kind of numb on feelings here.
Angie1953

Angie, they say that in AA, too--no major moves or relationships (in the first year of sobriety.) I took that to heart.

Venice is a lovely, clean town in SW FL, on the Gulf, just south of Sarasota. I believe it is now the winter home of Barnum and Bailey (kind of fitting for you.) It's a completely different lifestyle than you are accustomed to, and HOT in the summer, which lasts about 7 mos. Sanibel Island is nearby, which is great for shelling and has an historic lighthouse. Venice is also PRICEY.

Hugs,
Connie

Just wanted to stop in this thread and share a good day, eventhough my hubby has only been gone 4 1/2 months.  The weather is great..my roses are blooming, my rooster (Barbie) crows every morning, we are getting rain so have good pastures, horses are grazing my front yard so I don't have to mow.  I am finding ways to do things with only one person to do them, instead of two...and being content with it...instead of angry and sad that he is gone.

Went through my hubby's office and organized things and boxed some of his things up to give to families who need them.  (He was very thoughtful that way, before he was ill...once gave his motor home to a family that had a wreck and totaled their motor home.) Things I recall of him, usually make me smile instead of sad....mostly. 

My Mom is back here now and she is such a source of joy and support.  I am so grateful for this forum, I don't think I could have made it through the experience of losing my husband to this disease without all of you who provided support, humor, advise and experience. Thanks for being here and giving of your time and selves.

Angie1953

Hey Angie,

I echo your thoughts. In a couple of days it will be one year since Craig's passing. How amazing that is to me. The week has been a mixture of sorrow, anger, and tiny little bits of peace and joy in remembering the wonderful sunsets in the mountains last year as our time got small.

Tonight I will head up there to spend a few days, and to scatter his remains in the place that he loved and thought of always as his true home. I am resolved and terrified at the same time. I don't know how I can do this, yet I know I can and will. The same cast of characters will be there with me, daughter, son, son-in-law, and brother-in-law along with the wonderful friends and neighbors we made there over the years.

Wishing all of you peace and love....

Marie