<!-- Network content --><!--~-|**|PrettyHtmlStartT|**|-~--> It has been awhile since I have posted. I am
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down to 12.5 mil of pred. having rapid mood swings, joint pain,
serious depression. I have no desire to do anything..
I'm doing better tonight, but yesterday was a difficult one. Mood
swings, stress, depression and just a doom and gloom was one of the
worst times since I stared posting. I have been pulling away from
everyone and have felt like running and hiding. I went back on the
mood stabilizer even though I do not like the side effects. I don't
seem to feel as tired as I wean off the pred. and the mental
confusion )frain fog) seems to have lifted some. But the stress of
Christmas, the depression and uncertaintly is before me. I am either
crying or mad.
I talked for a long time to my brother in CO. He is a therapist. That
helped me some. I have bi-polar 2 disorder, I'm not sure if anyone
else in the group understands anything about it or has it. It is a
dificult disease to manage. Mine is the rapid cycling and quick mood
changes, and major depression.
I was put on an additional mood stablizer when I went on the
prednisone. I hate the side effects of it (lithium) and have started
and stopped several times. But because of the mania that the
prednisone was causing and the the mental and emotional problems
associated with prednisone, my doctors thought it best. Before the
prednisone, even though I was very tired, At least I
felt stable in my mind.
Lately I have not, even on the medication. I am told it is the
prednisone withdrawl that is likely causing the depression and mood
swings.
I gave myself permission to rest all day today, not answer my phone,
have no one make any demands on me ..ect.. And I will continue to do
that to reduce the stress level until I feel that I can handle
outside things again. I have to do this for myself. I have to create
a safe place for me to be physically and mentally.
I do not know if I will celebrate Christmas. We may go away for a day
or so. And I may just visit my children and drop off
their gifts instead of taking it upon myself to do all that is
usually expected of me. Thanksgiving was very stressful with me
wanting to make "everything perfect" and I felt totally out of
control.
So, I will simplify things this year by doing what I feel comfortable
doing and I will let the chips fall with my grown children with their
expectations of me.
I'm sorry if this sounds like a pity party, but it's just the way it
is. Does anyone in the group suffer from depression?
Blessings and Wellness to you all.
And holiday greetings.
Judy
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