husband never supports me

i have had 2 surgeries . had my 6 feet of my large colon removed and then 3 months later an emergency surgery to fix the whole in my remaining colon. now 3 years later i am in alot of pain. It isnt my colon but i think i have a hernia near my belly button. and i have put if off for a while now but it is getting really bad. i called the surgeron the other day and set up an appointment to get in and sadly my jerk husband said to me tonight "you know if you get in there this late in the year they will not get you fixed till oct or november and then insurriance starts over in jan. and OF COURSE i know this and  OF COURSE i dont want that to happen but my goodness how long can i hurt and how long should let this go. I DONT WANT anything else done to me either. i would do anything to be out of pain and not have to have more surgeries.. I feel so bad that he seems to always kick me when i am down. There has been many many things like this over the years.. and i am his wife. who he should want the best for. my sister died of cancer last may and my brother in law would of did ANYTHING to keep her here and support her. I love my husband but he doesnt really love me. (that is how i feel)

thanks............

Hi there, I feel your pain as well. I had cancer 12 years ago and my lower colon removed, at the time my surgeon kept saying - this will turn your world upside down - and I thought he meant post-op pain. He moved to Atlanta (1000 miles away) after my 1st surgery, the resection, etc. and then my 2nd surgery, the temporary ostomy takedown. I wish I could go back and ask him if living this way - on the toilet, similar to how you describe - is what he meant.

So now it's 12 years later and I usually have my spouse's understanding and grown daughter's as well. But I can also tell sometimes they just do not understand. And how can they honestly? They have normal GI tracts, they can eat almost anything they want and still poop once a day. They can also hold stool for long periods of time if they have to (I can't).

What I am trying to say is this - would I have been as understanding as I am today, before my cancer if someone told me how much they struggle in the bathroom? With chronic pain, and discomfort. Probably not. I would have tried to understand though.

Here's what I find that helps me the most when trying to explain the trouble I go thru now (and will for the rest of my life, living without a sigmoid and then 15 inches of colon above that is not easy), I just get very quiet or try to explain things in brief, brief summaries and very quietly. If I am upset and near tears, I seem to lose people. Happens all the time. I hate that too, I wish they would respond to my frantic cries and near or all out tears. But they almost shut down and an invisible wall comes up.

I sometimes ask them to describe their worst GI tract episode, after they had mild food poisoning, or eaten something that was outdated or bad for their system (most people will describe an explosive incident and where it happened too, while traveling, or at work). As soon as your husband is done explaining this episode, say- bingo, this is my life (more or less).

Sometimes I truly believe the way to get thru to people with normal GI tracts and bowel habits, is to bring it down to their level or start with what THEY know or relate to.

Hang in there....you are certainly not alone, oh no, we all feel your specific pain. Good luck to you. My best......Mary/Marsky