Hey everyone I hope you all are well myself doing good but I've been feeling restless since being back home from my three week stay in the hospital.I have been home now for two weeks I believ e not been back to my place been at my mom's for a bit.I do not work and I'm not in school so my days have been uneventful besides having to go to doctor's appointments and my therapy appointments.I'm trying to set small goals trying to gradually ease myself back out into the public learning how to socialize again.Trying to not let my anxiety get the best of me that all these negative thoughts are not real it just the chemical imbalance in my brain that is causing them.I'm so ready to feel even better I've made progress with eating foods again that were not in my diet for years only with just a little bit gas and stomach cramping but no diharrea yeaaah!!! for that right there.I got to keep telling myself to be patient and wait on the Lord to do more great things for me.
I want to be able to wake up one day and know it in my soul and body that he's healed me completely of IBS!!! I have to work at my life everyday I dont want to work at my life I want it to come easy living my life.It's hard living it because of IBS I get scared and start to question will I ever get to travel this beautiful world? Will I ever get to go visit Paris France? one of my dreams that I will get to live out.Will I ever have true lasting love? will I be able to date again? will I be able to get back to working at a job I love? Will I live out my life's dreams? I worry about my future when I should be thinking about today it's very scary for me.I believe with all my heart God will completely heal me of this disorder and things will be back to the way they should have been all along. It's tireing sometimes this life I have it feels incomplete cause of IBS.My life has not been fullfilling for me I wish IBS never happened to me at all!!!!! I wish I was free from this right now,but I know it's made me a fighter and stronger for it!!!! I feel like my life will go to waste alone for the rest of my life not being able to be comfortable in my own skin.
I pray to God that will not be the case!!!,I'm to good of a person to live the rest of my life alone and without joy for my life.Life's about enjoy the ones you love the most company and time!!!! I want to do great things in my life when I reach my old age Lord willing to be able to look back and say I've lived!!!!!! I ****ing haaate IBS with a passion and wish it would just go away for everyone living with it with a snap of my finger!!! I'll just have to wait and see how the rest of my life plays out but I know for sure I wont let IBS ****ing win!!! no sirry bob!! it wont win!!!! Mock my words I will be victorious over IBS I will live out my life's dreams!!!,I will be successful in my life!!! I will find true real love!!!! I will travel this beautiful world!!! as God is my witness and strength!!!! I will be happy and content with my life!!!!!! I will write a book about my struggles and victories living with IBS and how I over came it!!!! Yes my story will be a story of strength and perservirence!!!!! My story how I did not let a disorder dictate my life or who I am in Jesus name I pray amen!!!!