I'm 21 years old with a 8 month old son. My mom is 53 years old with kidney disease and starting the process of testing for kidney transplant. She's not on dialysis as of yet. She's currently on temporary disability through her job. She's had diabetes since giving birth to me. I've always felt blame for that even though she's never taken quite good care of her self and her diet. We have a pretty strained relationship, always arguing about
something. I've been asking her about
her doctor appointments for months and she always says everything's looking good but she recently broke the news to me during yet another argument that transplant or dialysis is in her near future. I tend to put myself in denial about
her health because of course it pains me. I don't know how to handle this and I'm quite sure I've made up my mind, Between the risks, having such a young child and little research to go on, I will not be donating or even getting tested. I feel extremely guilty and have fallen into depression. My mom doesn't know this yet and she's not even speaking to me at the moment despite my attempts at reaching out to her and expressing my love for her( affection is something uncommon between us). I am really saddened by this whole situation and will be starting therapy soon for this and other reasons. Guess I'm just looking for support and reassurance that I'm not a horrible person for deciding not to go through with testing or donation.
