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Posted 9/14/2008 11:02 AM (GMT 0)
hi

Just thought i'd write about the difficulties in finding the right person..Its tough to dealing with Lupus and finding the man of your dreams at the same time..Alot of guys would not be able to take the pressure..

I'm 31 yrs old and finding it hard to settle down, i sometimes feel alone and depressed.

How did your partners react to your illness..When did you reveal everything to them?

would be good to hear from you

ange

 

Posted 9/14/2008 3:31 PM (GMT 0)
Ange,

It's hard enough to find the right person when you're healthy. All I can tell you is that if you do find someone and he can overlook your illness, you have found a jewel to be cherished. It's possible. I was healthy when I found my husband, but I told him that I thought I had lupus and he responded that he'd be happy to take care of me if I ever got sick. He stuck to that when seven years later I got very ill. Love is a magical thing, and it's not about all the things you read about in Cosmo. Just give it time. I've always believed that it's not when you fall in love, but it's that you fall in love. It will happen, Ange, but till it does, try your best to enjoy every day as it comes. The man of your dreams will more likely find you if you've found yourself first and if you're happy being alone.

When you feel lonely, call your friends, or better yet, come here and let us boost you up and hold your hand. We'll be here for you. We're on a tough journey, but it's our journey and I promise you Ange, you can make it.

((((((Hugs))))))

Pat
Posted 9/14/2008 3:38 PM (GMT 0)

I did not have a very good experience with mates and my lupus.  And have decided to just live the rest of my life alone.  It is better than the constant stress to me, of being sick, but not looking sick.  Of being sick with a fever one time, so badly I had fever blisters in such abundance that it turned my lips inside out.  Had to drink chicken broth through a straw for such a long time.  Once the fever arrived, and the blisters, my husband finally believed I was really sick.  but the hassle before then, the constant nagging to clean up the house, just wasn't worth it to me.

It wasn't until years later that an older doctor here diagnosed me with Lupus the first time.  i was 27.  which I promptly ignored when the pain went away.  I forgot about this diagnoses until the other day. young and foolish woman that I was. yeah

But some women i have talked to had a very good response from their husbands.

Hester

Posted 9/14/2008 4:26 PM (GMT 0)
Ange, my heart goes out to you. Finding a wonderful partner can be hard under the best of circumstances and having a chronic illness does complicate things, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. I was like Pat and was fairly healthy when I met and married my husband, although looking back I was sometimes plagued by weird health issues on and off. Fortunately my husband has been very supportive during my illness although I'm sure there are times it's hard on him and I'm sure there are times that he is sick of me being sick (although he never lets on about it). I don't really have a lot of advice except to just try to be patient.
Posted 9/14/2008 6:21 PM (GMT 0)
hello


Many thanks for your kind replies so far..Pat you sound lovely and i am really grateful for your advice..Hug back to you.You're words have touched me deeply..i feel i'm not alone now ..Thanks to Hester and the Forum Moderator.This means alot to me.

Yes i agree that you have to be patient..i have been dealing with Lupus since 13 yrs..it was a bit of a bombshell for my parents..I am asian so there are alot of expectations..marriage etc..

I often think its destiny that put me in this situation..I'm being tested..i try and keep myself positive but sometimes when i'm alone i feel i'm missing out on being part of something,having a partner, progressing to the next stage..

i've tried dating sites and have had alot of responses..To look at all of us, we look quite healthy, most of the time..the secret is we are taking alot of medication and living day to day.i find myself holding back alot,when i meet people,missing my chance.

i'm glad you all have supportive husbands,it gives me courage to go forward..Hope i find a good guy.I shall update you more as i go along..many thanks again, hope you are all well

angexx
Posted 9/15/2008 8:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there. I want to tell you to not give up.. There were plenty of guys that i had dated that really didnt understand what was going on with me. why i didnt want to hang out with them why i didnt want to spend more time with them ... but a couple years ago i found the one i knew i was going to spend the rest of my life with... when we met i was in remission and had no signs of my sickness. then in nov of 07 i got really sick and he was the one to take care of me. i was admitted to the hospital and was there for about 2 weeks.. and he stayed with me every single night. i didnt know how much he loved me until i got sick.. most guys would be scared run away becuase they didnt want to take on that much responsibilty. But not him , he was so involved and wanted to hear everything that my doctors had to say .. and tried to understand my sickness as much as he could..

 

From that point on i knew that he wasnt going anywhere and that no matter what he would be there to take care of me..

 

i thought that there was no one out there for me and no one would understand me .. but i found him , and im sure that you will too. dont look cuz then you never will find him. it takes time and it will come when you least expect it..  =)

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