Only you all understand how hard it is to live with this

I have this overwhelming desire to keep up with my peers in the photography industry.  I see and hear about all the work they're doing, all the new technology they're researching, how their businesses are growing and expanding.  I on the other hand see my business going in the opposite direction.  I'm struggling to make ends meet, and I'm embarrassed to admit to anyone that my business is a wash-up.  I would have a thriving, growing, exciting business if I could do the amount of work the others can do.  I've put everything I have into this lovely little business.  I offer excellent service and really nice photography. But I can't take enough work to keep it going, or keep my bills paid; let alone upgrade my equipment that is literally on its last legs.  Oh you guys I want to fit in so badly.  I want to do what they're doing.  I want to have their energy, drive, enthusiasm, and success. I see photographers who came on the scene 4 years ago, flying past me. Literally leaving me in the dust, and I've been doing this for a decade now. I'm spinning my wheels.  Going nowhere.

My motivation is dismal right now. I'm just so tired and worn out.  Feeling pressure to continue because if I don't we lose the house, cars, etc.  I want to continue. I just don't have the "umph" to keep going at this pace (and this pace isn't very fast).  Lupus and Fibro has taken enough from me already. Now it wants my career, my passion.

I needed to get my feelings out. As much as my family and husband support me, they don't understand what this does to my confidence and my self esteem.  Thanks for letting me vent and cry.

 

Love

Ginny

 

Ginny, I know where you are at. I am still suffering because of the loss of my vocation and my passion due to this disease -- and it's been a quite a while since I had to stop. Now I feel eternally exhausted and worthless...with no end in sight. It's not a fun place to be, and you are right, nobody quite gets it like the people here who are sharing our versions of the same story. I wish I had some special secret pill or magic to share with everyone here... I try to just do one thing at a time (not that that helps all that much!) Cheers,

Hi Ginny:

I'm sorry you're having to face this. You're right only those of us here can truly understand how you feel. I'm an accountant and it was hard to give up my job. I felt like such a failure all that time in school and now I'm not using my degree and ability to help our household income. It took a long time to accept how things needed to be.

I think Marie has a great idea for you and maybe it will help. I can't imagine being in a situation like you are were if you don't continue you'll loose your home and car (((hugs))). I know that you've been struggling for awhile now with your Fibro and I'm truly sorry for that.

I don't have a solution to your problem, but I wanted to let you know you're a wonderful, hard working young woman. I'm proud of you and I wish you the best.

Hugs,
Barb

Ginny - that is a great looking website. It definitely showcases what you can do - so hang in there. I know it is hard, but you have talent that many people would kill to have! Just keep doing what you can, and don't worry about the others.

"Success is not so much what we have as it is what we are."
Jim Rohn

Marie

Ginny,

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling much like I at moment in life! I worked hard to finally finish my degree, while others in my company were being laid off I was receiving awards and praised for my good work, so I knew my hardwork and determination was paying off (or was it?) and then my lupus decided to rear its ugly head and knock me out of the game!

Now I sit here day after day wondering if it was the stress and long hours I put on myself that has put me in this position or was it just the luck of the draw with this crazy disease. Either way, while at the time I am still legally employed that is not going to last much longer, my FMLA that protects my job will run out this month and I am by no means in any condition to return to work. I am scared because I have applied for SSD, but have not heard a word from them. I need the benefits from my job, i.e. pay and insurance to continue on a day to day basis. But what is worse than all of that I feel as though I as a person have lost my identity! I try hard everyday to tell myself these are the cards God has dealt you and if he wouldn't give you more than you can handle. Somedays it is hard not to fall into a deep dark hole of depression!

I totally understand were you are at, you are not alone! While I too have a wonderful family, the most supportive husband who literally takes care of everything in the house and still ask me "how are you feeling? Is there anything I can do for you?" My son how lives at home is so kind and prays for me everyday, always asks the same. My daughter, at 21 lives on her own, in her own way does what she can to try and make life easier. But I cannot share these fears of mine with them, I'm not sure why, maybe I don't want to be more of a burden, perhaps I don't want them to know that I am feeling more inferer than what they know. I know that you folks here can relate and that is a huge relief.

I wish I had some words of advice for you! I'm sure it must be even harder owning your own business and trying to keep going day to day feeling like we do. Do you have anyone who works for you? An apprentise of sorts? If not perhaps you could hire one, that you could oversee and send on jobs and that way if you are not feeling upto it your business could still thrive and it's a win win for both of you!

I'm headed to check out your awesome website now! Hang in there sister! I know if I can put one foot in front of the other each day, you can too!

((((HUGS))))

Melissa

Ginny,

Thank you so much for sharing your website.  You are truly a very talented photographer, and I personally hope that you do not give that up--ever.  Don't lose sight of the fact, also, that there is always hope that things will get better.  My mother struggled with lupus for my entire life.  She had periods like what you are describing, but she also had periods of remission where she felt quite normal and was able to take on a normal work load.  Even when she was ill, though, she always continued to work to the extent that she could.  She claimed that working is what kept her alive for so long.  So keep doing what you can.  I'm sure there is a remission for you somewhere in the future.

El

Ginny,

I loved looking at your website. It made you much more of a person to me than someone on a website! You are beautiful -- love your red hair, and your photography is terrific. I just gave my daughter, who's 21 and majoring in photography, the money to set up a very similar website. I hope she runs with it like you did.

I do understand how you feel. 10 years ago I was a successful professional investing millions of dollars for individuals and corporations. Today I've lost my looks, my energy, and the person I used to be - on the outside. What I haven't lost is my ability to accept whatever life brings me. I believe that God gives us that power. While I may not be as cute or successfull professionally, I'm the same person on the inside. I refuse to let today be ruined because of my illness. And I refuse to give up the hope that one day I'll go into remission. I'm almost there.

I love what Marie's quote. And El is right - don't ever give up hope for a remission.

I believe that what has gotten me through this is a very good therapist. I hope you have someone to talk to. I'm sure it's been easy to lose sight of the fact that you are beautiful and talented, no matter how much energy you have. But I also believe that it must be harder to be going through this at your age than at mine. Please hang in there Ginny. God has a purpose for you, and I believe that our illness is no accident.

Thanks for sharing so much of your life with us. I've forwarded you website to my daughter. She'll love it.

Love,

Pat

Hi Ginny--
I used to work for a photographer when I was young, taking green card pictures, portraits, whatever. I have some stories! My poor boss lost these people's wedding and they weren't happy. He was very old.

As someone who has made compromises only to make more compromises, I can feel your pain and hope you keep fighting and find a way to do what you love, even if it ends up that maybe you do different things.

I used to be a musician, went to college for it, but so many throat surgeries make it very bad for me to play. I went into writing alot, but my brain just doesn't catch things like it should. I have figured out one thing as an artist, if you do your art for yourself and maybe your kids, you can find great joy, great inspiration. I recently invested in music, but my throat swelled up for weeks after trying to play once. I'm getting to the point I just don't careabout that and will play anyway.

I know I kinda worked until I just couldn't anymore. I did lose everything. I can't recommend that to anyone, but I'm glad I did what I did when I did because things only would have gotten worse. I know you will get a second wind and get going. Maybe there are some other life changes that can give you more energy and a chance to concentrate on your art and business.

Much love to you and wishing you superwoman strength.