Major Pity Party

I've caught some kind of virus. Nausea and headache. It's been going on since Wednesday. I just hate that I'm so careful, stay away from sick people, don't let sick people come to my house, wash my hands, but still seem to catch everything. Not only that, but it seems to linger longer with me than others. I know it's because my immune system is suppressed, but it's so frustrating to feel lousy all the time anyway and then get hit with all these bugs. My family had planned a Mother's Day brunch for tomorrow and I don't feel like getting out.

It's like you were saying, Lynnwood. Arggggg!

I'm on the verge of breaking into tears. I don't want to talk to anyone about this but needed to vent here. I mean, look at me. I have the house to myself today, the weather's beautiful & the back door is open so I can watch the cardinals eat out of the bird feeder. The house is clean. There's a good movie on, and I'm knitting a fun baby sweater for my grandbaby that's due in October. And my dogs are keeping me great company. And yet I feel like @@@@. I don't think anyone understands, do you? I mean other than you guys.

Thanks for listening. Rosie, I can't fake it today. But maybe I'll have a hot cup of your tea.




Pat

((((( Pat )))))) that virus sounds just terrible, I hope you start feeling better soon so you can enjoy your Mother's day with your family. Maybe some pampering and / or gifts will help

I can understand your frustration. This disease stinks!!! There are days or more like moments within a day that I feel well enough to think maybe I don't have lupus, maybe it's all a misdiagnosis then reality usually hits and knocks me back . Like today for instance, my son is coming into town tomorrow and I've been cleaning ALL day and I'm still not done. I vacuumed this morning, rested a while and did a load of laundry and then in the afternoon I mopped the floors. Then this evening a little dusting and there is still more to do and my energy is zapped!

Take good care of yourself and have a very Happy Mother's Day! I would also love to see pictures of the baby sweater, you ladies are so talented My mom has always crocheted, usually throws. But this year she made some scarfs. Now she has started making dollies. I would love to learn how to do it but I'm afraid my hands wouldn't hold up, they cramp up real bad when sewing, cutting, etc.

firstly ... sorry for anyone feeling like junk ... me too!
then ... it is sometimes exceptionally hard when everything around you is just so peachy and inside i feel so toxic ... other times i draw off of the good energy around me ... somtimes the toxicity festers.
i hardly leave the house (wondering if i am turning into an agoraphobic) b/c i catch everything ... friends have become possible viral bearers (i landed up in hopsital for 5 days & have hearing loss thanks to a sick friend's visit) have spent huge amounts of time ill & money on meds that made me feel worse and also do not allow sick people in the house ... regularly turn my younger brother away as he goes out and does the usual 20 year old stuff and brings germs ... thanks to brother i am in week 5 of my current viral infection ... 2 courses of anti-bx (which apparently do 5h1t for the virus) & doc says virus should have passed by now, gosh i wish it would ... also said younger brother gets flu and wants to come see me ... hasn't he seen what his last virus is doing to me? friends no longer invite us places, we have said no so many times they no longer ask! saves me the energy of debating

cleaning is a joke ... with 4 dogs in the house the hair is the worst part BUT i don't actually care right now ... i use what little energy i have to do the basic human functions, get out of bed, brush teet & hair, bath, get dressed into clean pj's that's it ... so i sometimes sacrifice a hair brush to have a 'little' game with the woochies ... after 4 weeks i was able to feed them again but it is a struggle (i only do there dinner ... usually love doing this but is has become a insourmountable chore)

it is harder yet when ppl you live with still expect you to do all the things you used to do ... cooking HAHAHAHA ... so they cook for themselves! nice!
laundry piles up ... just thinking about a load can send me into tears ... my reasoning is when hubby runs out of socks he will do a load, i don't really care if i wear dirty clothes ... i don't go out so it don't really matter to me besides most of my clothes now fall of me.
making plans is no longer advisable for me ... guess i have to learn how to be spontaneous ... even that doesn't work by the time you get semi-ready all i want is to sleep. guess there is no answers but the point of this vent is that we all get to the same dark places but what we do when there is what determines how we end up on the otherside of the flare ... 'happy' mothers day to all the mom's

Thanks all of you for your support and understanding. Butterflake, I'm no longer a perfectionist either. At least not like I used to be. My therapist works hard to teach me how to let go of things. When I flare it's usually because of something I have done. I'm in a flare right now & I know I've been doing too much & pushing myself too much.

Flare or not, I'm going to enjoy the day. Instead of going out, everyone is coming here & my hubby is picking up lunch so nothing for me to do.

Happy Mother's Day everyone.

Pat

Hey Lynnwood. I take dexamethasone swish & spit with clortrimazole lozenges. I'm just really bad about stopping as soon as I think plant tongue is gone