Husband is cheating

Hey everyone.  We tried to have a bit of a date night last night.  My husband plays guitar at a local pub and because of the kids I havn't been able to go.  Well, last night we finally got a baysitter.  I spent the whole day wondering if someone was going to walk up and say"This is your wife? Well who was that other girl?"  Of course that didn't happen, but when my husband got up to play the song he wrote for me last October I just about lost it when he got to the part about "there's never been another, you're all I need."  It's the most beautiful romantic song I've ever heard nad now it seems like bull ##%$.  My heart is so broken, I just don''t know how to get past this. 

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Sweet song, but it is SOOO hard to trust anything once you have been betrayed . . .

My ex had an affair with the babysitter while we were married . . . i suppose i didn't react so well - once i found out, i decided to go on a diet and lost 100 pounds (over the course of 6 months), got a tattoo and had my very own affair . . . and then got divorced. Counselling for me was out of the question because my thought process was "once a cheater, always a cheater" (he had cheated on me while before we got married while we were dating). Since we divorced, he married the babysitter, divorced the babysitter (she filed because he cheated on her, too) and has now gotten married for the 3rd time to the woman he cheated on the babysitter with (#3 was married when they had their little affair and divorced hubby #1 to marry my ex - so maybe they are meant for each other).

Anyway . . . the point i was getting to is: if you love him and feel that counselling will help you trust him again, then that is what you need to do . . . but remember that to move forward with him, you are going to have to be willing to forgive his mistakes and leave them dead and buried in the past. I know it will be hard to trust him again, but i think forgiveness and trust is really the only combination that will make your marriage work. I forgave my ex once while we were dating and i trusted him . . . but then when it happened again, it was over. Sorry if i sound a bit jaded on the whole subject.

So sorry that you are having such a rough time . . . i hope the counselling works for you.

Anne

Hello everyone and thank you so much for all the wonderful kind words of support. I've decided that I've just got to let go and trust him. I know that he was a horrible selfish idiot, but he knows he almost lost everything in this world he cares about and there will be no second chances if this ever happens again. I forgive him and I also know that we really need to work on getting our marriage back in shape. We love each other so much and have drifted apart. We have let everything come between us, kids, money problems and my illness is so painful, we tried to spare each other. Please, everyone pray for healing for us and stregnth in our new resolve to be everthing the other will ever need. Thanks again and God Bless you all.

The internet can be an easy place to get in trouble. But if they are going to do it, they will. The key is to stay off that stuff. Unless he needs a facebook page for business, why put yourself out there, for many reasons? Its like going to a singles bar in a way. A family page is one thing.

As someone whose made plenty of mistakes, I learned as I got older that when I became ill, I changed for good and bad. I became cold to my spouse in a way I hadn't noticed, joking around became more biting. Still now, steroids and hormone shifts alter me some, its just impossible to completely control. Part of my coldness was due to my own feelings about myself and assumptions I made about my spouse. I figured he wanted more separation. Some of it was unintentional foot in mouth due to meds. But I wasn't good at apologizing since I couldn't see how I was. I could really get on a high horse. I thought that was what my spouse loved about me, but it was also my undoing. Unfortunately, I realzed too late, but maybe that was for the best, who knows. Anyhow, don't forget to weigh all things equally. You do have history of good times and trust and that should count too. I try to look at it in minutes, do I allow an hour or two to end years of commitment. I'm not saying I shouldn't, it depends on what happened during those hours, but it helps me keep a little better perspective. And just because you forgive you shouldn't be expected to trust right away. Things take time.

With my current boyfriends drinking, if he drinks he drinks, not much I can do but make a single small comment to help him see he shouldn't throwaway all those sober days, when he is sober, but beyond that, I can't babysit. If he drinks, I don't allow it to hurt me, its a disease, and I just get up tomorrow and its a new day and a new chance to be different. It took me a long time to get here. I'm not saying the kind of cold approach I have is right for your situation, but I have learned to limit bad events to a short duration as much as I can. I simply haven't the energy. With ongoing sobriety we get naturally closer, I trust more, and I warm up. But you just can't control people. Dragging himto meetings when he doesn't want to go just doesn't work he won't go anyway when he's like that. I just try not to let his brief falls off the wagon to interrupt our normal life too much and just go on, trying to pick up where we left off before the problem, but hidng the car keys just in case.

I really prayyour hubbie does the right thing and minimizes the damage. I hope you can soon be out of pain and get on with your life however things end up.

Jennifer, I hope things are going okay. I know it will be hard, andI will pray for you, but I can only hopethat we grow through forgiveness. Remember that just because we believe in forgiveness, that we aren't doormats and set firm limits of what you will not tolerate. Guys need to know straight out. I guess we all do. Well, just hinknig of you and will pray that your kindness, love and forgiveness sets a positive example foryour husband and that he is grateful and opens his eyes and sees the blessing that his family is. I will pray that your compassion and strength is the right kind of glue to hold your famiily together in a healthy way for you all, or that things resolve ina good way foryou all. Take care and don't forget to take care of you.

Dear Puccini (Jennifer Sabia):

I will pray for you....  I had the same thing happen to me several years ago.  I was rasing three boys - 10months, 2 yrs & and 4 yr old.  He blatently

cheated on me, would return home after being with his pal all night and sleep in.  I threw him out and to my dismay he refused to leave.  I put him

through school and when he found his first job....Shabam he finds a girlfriend.  I was paying for rent , electric , car insurance , phone bill ,everything.

I said the heck with this and I got four plane tickets and split to Miami Fl.  I have to say it has been hell rasing 3 kids on my own and the new

man in my life is very difficult to live with.  I put up with his B>S cause he makes decent money. 

If your gonna split, make sure you have a decent job that will help you and your 2 kids get along. Life is Mega expensive and wellfare does

not really help at all.  I could not make it on food stamps...