Divorce / Lupus & Dating

Hi hun, sorry about the divorce. As for when to tell them I guess everyone is different. Personelly I would tell them on the first date. It's not like you are going to give him some disease. Besides if neither of you have anything invested in the relattion yet it's better that way. Why would you want to wait until you have time and God only knows what else invested in it before you say something. What if you get tired and have to go home or you can't go to the beach or out 4 wheeling or somthing. Things you can't do. It's better to have it out in the open. I'm not saying you have to tell him you've had 500 boy friends or was a drunkin drug addict at one time in your life but I go by honesty is the best policy. Shoot most people don't even know what lupus is. After a few boyfriends you'll have it down to a science. There are a lot of people in this world that just don't have a problem with it and if they do then they aren't mature enough to be in a relationship anyway. I don't mean to pull out a hanky and start crying about having lupus but there is no reason why it shouldn't come out if you spend any amount of time with them.

ok well that's my opinion for what it's worth

good luck

hugs

carol

I suppose I am lucky, when I got diagnosed in 2006, I was 25 years old and had been dating a guy for over a year. 6-8 months in, my Lupus got crazy and I felt crazy...he left me...my lupus got worse...I would meet others online and hear about their divorces, etc and how marriages and relationships, like mine, did not last through the suffering of Lupus, I figured I could never meet someone or get married....within a year I started to feel better, after my chemo, my hair was barely there and I decided to go out to a bbq for my best friends homecoming(she had just moved back from California). I was comfortable being seen by her family since they were so supportive during my serious illness, and was excited to finally be in a social anything at that point. One of her guy friends who I had heard about but never met was there. We chatted throughout the day and I had finally reached a point where I brought up my lupus in passing...He stopped me and said...You are that sick girl I have heard about? I was like...well I sure don't want to be called that:) He could not believe the girl he had been talking to all day was even sick...with anything...

Needless to say we have been dating ever since...we got engaged earlier this year and are getting married next year. I cannot believe how supportive and understanding he is with EVERYTHING! It has not been an easy road but we both have great attitudes and really take care of ourselves the best we can....organic foods, activity (when I can), rest, alot of love and laughter. I feel fortunate now but trust was a huge first step that took over a year to gain. I was convinced he would grow tired of all my flares and what not, and leave.

I guess what I am trying to say is it can be all about the attitude of the person and you. He hates my illness but loves how I deal with it and respects me more because the strength it takes to get through it everyday. He also gets disppointed when I don't treat my body right or get negative and depressed. I explain it's just enevitable, but his disappointment only makes me want to overcome everything even more. He is the reason I want to get better and every Lupus patient should have someone like that in their lives...whether its a child, a parent, or a partner. It truly can change your life with Lupus...

I wish you the best of luck and think that since Lupus is most likely a big part of you life it should be mentioned right away when someone it trying to get to know you. And you should have the right attitude when telling that person. I suppose it's hard to be "proud" of your Lupus but it makes you..you...and for me it made into the person I am today...I like to think a better person!

Now get out there and get frisky!!! LOL

Thanks Kat10...I am new to the site..but I think we all haveto to throw some humor in there once in awhile just to keep our sanity!