Things Are Not Good

((((hugs))))
Oh Barbara I am so sorry. I think of you often and keep praying that things will finally start improving for you. I know that you have been having some family issues on top of all the medical problems. The holidays always seem to intensify family issues. You are so strong and have dealt with so much. Know that we are rooting for you and vent anytime!

Hi Barbara I'm so sorry that you feel so terrible. It sounds like you may have the flu or something that is causing the chills. I am sending you some strength and many prayers. I hope the extra symptoms disappear really soon, and that you feel better really really soon. Take care my friend.

love and hugs
Loretta

Barbara, please take care of you and know that we're all thinking about you. I'm having a rough day too, but NOTHING in comparison to what you're going through. Hang on, take each hour as it comes, you're needed here, so come back when you're feeling better. Sending the best wishes ever.

Barbara
Sorry you are feeling poorly & having issues w/skin regrowth.
I've also got severe fatigue issues that I am blaming on the weather.

Need to do holiday stuff but no motivation.. pretty much told family "I don't feel good. Love you but please do not expect much from me right now"

Take care of yourself & ask help from those around you when you need it.

Hi Fran, Joy, Loretta, Donna, EnglishSue, Lynn, Diane, Nicole:

Thanks ladies for your support. I'm just feeling as if I'm drowning in a huge pool of ice cold water and I have no one to help save me.

I'm weary, tired, fatigued, sick, and in pain. It seems never ending and I've been fighting so hard for so long. I just don't want to keep fighting anymore. I'm very lonely here at home, with my daughter almost 21 and pretty much out on her own, she really doesn't need me anymore. Hubby, is pretty self sufficient, and the cat I'm not sure how much longer he's going to be alive.

I want to be able to use my thumbs, I'm tired of not being able to grasp anything. The wearing of the bandages is getting old. I noticed that my chest pain started last Friday and it's not getting better but only worse. Bill, mentioned that I should sit back and rest against the couch. I told him "NO" I feel better sitting forward like this. Bill was like great you've got pericarditis don't you? I think I might need a couple of units of blood too. I slept 18 out of the 24 hours yesterday.

I'm having a hard time finding an foot/ankle Dr to look at my feet. The physical therapy place I go to suggested I see a podiatrist. However, I'm worried they are not qualified to handle someone who has RA/Lupus and Leukemia. I realize they do just feet all day long and can recommend the splints and such but......... What do you all think? I know there is something very very wrong in my left foot. That's the one that I ruptured the Achilles Tendon in this past August. I have a cyst or something the size of a grape just below the ankle bone. It's painful to the touch and it moves.

I have severe pain when standing on that foot and if I spend more than 10 minutes walking on it the swelling is really bad. My PT has no idea what it is or whats causing it. I know that the inflammation that I have is causing the chronic tendonitis. You'd think with me on 35mgs of injectable MTX and 20mgs of Prednisone daily that I shouldn't have any inflammation but I sure do. My PCM mentioned that it's possible that I'm no longer responding to any of the therapies. If that's the case I have NO idea what to do, I've tried every drug there is.

I'm guessing that's why I'm feeling so weary and like giving up. If they can't get me feeling any better than I am right now, I just don't know if I can take many more issues with it. I know for sure that right now as I feel, I certainly don't want to live to be old. I'm 48 yrs old and the thought of living like I am right now until I'm 80 isn't appealing at all.

We've had bad weather on the east coast, so I'm waiting to get my Dr to contact me, regarding my thumbs. Hopefully, tomorrow I'll be able to talk with them. Well, I guess I'm going to drag myself back to bed. I hope that those of you who aren't doing well start to feel better really soon. For those of you who are doing well I hope that you stay that way. I'll be praying for all of you.

Hugs,
Barbara

((((((((((Gentle hugs))))))))
Sounds like you're having a very rough time.
I would go see a podiatrist about your foot.
I know you're having a lot of pain and frustrations with all your stressors. This doesn't help your condition either.
You need something to focus on to get your mind off your misery. What do you think about getting a new kitten?
When I realized that my poodle was dying I adopted a new kitten. It helped ease the transition of losing him. I still morned him but having the kitten gave me something to lean on for extra support. Besides who can cry if they are watching a sweet kitty play or giving you extra cuddles?

Hang in there, honey. I wish I could bundle you up and take you home with me.

Barbara, I'm really sorry for all your pain and everything you're going through.

You're not drowning. We are here for you.

If you're unable to find a doctor to see about your foot, maybe you should visit the podiatris and hear what they have to say. Maybe they will be able to help. If after hearing them you don't think so, then we'll keep looking for another doctor. I do hope you'll find a doc to see about it.

Hang in there Barbs. I hope you'll get some pain relief soon. Keeping you in my prayers and thoughts. Please take care of yourself.

UA

I can picture your cat at the door being a little silly. )
I'm glad you're getting your foot checked out. I hope the doctor can get it feeling better. I hope the fluid dries up quick on your heart. I know that must feel frustrating.

Maybe you can get a nice elevator for your bed? I sleep on one when my asthma is pestering me.
As for the missing visa card.....I would look in a container on the dresser where I keep my bills.

Barbara

Hope you get.massage.soon - Oh I would love.to have one myself !!

I too have had to take my furbabies to vet when it was their time.. and yes, they let me know ..
Always glad to know they had still had fun moments even when I knew they were about ready to move on.

Sounds like someday a couple of kittens will have a new home.. nothing is cuter!!
personally I usually brought 2 animals into my home together if there was no other ones already here.. so they would not be alone.

Visa card hhmm.. been there / done that .. could be anywhere.. good luck !!
Mine ended up being tucked in my purse, right where I put it when I bought it.. now I have all my gift cards together in one spot - hhmm reminds me I have several I should use to buy gifts ASAP.

I don't have many people to buy for but I sure need to get them something !!

Last nite was one of those nites for me.. got fibro flare big time.. feels like my skeleton is vibrating nonstop. Laid in bed for hours this A M thinking those dark thought we sometimes get.. somewhere in there I always feel some self pity as I have been alone - boyfriend-less. ; ). For so very long.

I start thinking about proposals I turned down, realize what good decisions those were & get right up !!

As true as that is it changes nothing - I still hurt, I am still alone & neither of those things is going to change. Gets to me, but I intend to keep going. HW folks help me keep on track when I have these moments.

Take care - keep us updated - holler when you need to. Enjoy every moment you can:grab each one & keep it.

Prayers

Hi Joy, Laura, Diane, and UA:

Thanks for your support. I'm really struggling here and I'm not sure what to do with myself I feel so bad. I went yesterday to get my massage and it ended up being a TOTAL BUST.

I filled out the paperwork that is required, well there's a question about having cancer. So, of course, I answered yes that I have leukemia. Well the receptionist took the paperwork back to the therapist. about 5 minutes later they both come out and say, "I'm so sorry, but I can't give you a massage without a letter from your Dr. Plus after you get the letter you'll need to to sign a release form regarding your cancer,"

What the heck, I mean I'm suffering in so much pain I can barely stand up straight, and you want me to get a Dr's letter, talking about my leukemia. I swear everyone is so scared of getting sued these days. It's not like the massage is going to do anything to my leukemia. I've been getting massages since 1988.

So here I sit with my pain levels thru the roof. My left foot is hurting so badly and when Matt worked on it at PT today, he was like you're getting worse. I was like, yep, I know. Friday won't be here soon enough for me. I sure hope the Dr has some much needed answers and treatment for it.

Here it's the week before Christmas and I'm just stuffing envelopes with cards. I'm not able to sign them, and Bill didn't want to write anything in them. So most folks are just getting a plain card. Good thing I special order my cards with our family names printed in them, at least people will know who it's from. There's isn't one decoration put up and there is NO WAY I can do it.

My breathing is much worse, I've added an additional two pillows under me at night. I somehow have this picture in my mind that next week I'll be hanging out in the hospital instead of at home. I'm sick of this I just want to be well or be out of here. Currently I look like I've got a major sun burn going on. Every night I seem to get these really red cheeks. There are really hot and I'm talking fire engine red. Any ideas why I've got this going on now.

I do have one good piece of news in my dark world. My right thumb has started to grow skin back. I no longer need to put the cream with the silver and antibiotic in it onto the thumb. I'm even down to just wearing a large (LARGE) band aid on that thumb. My left thumb isn't doing as well though. However, the left thumb has had radiation twice and the warts were much worse on that one. I'm not going out on a limb yet stating that the warts are gone on the right thumb. It looks promising though, lets pray they stay away forever.

Well, I'm headed off to bed. I hope you are all doing fine and having much less pain than I am. Sleep well, and enjoy your day tomorrow. Will stop by tomorrow sometime, I only see my shrink at 2:00 tomorrow.

Hugs,
Barbara

That stinks that they won't let you have a massage.
Sorry you can't get the decorations up. My father had to be practically whipped by my mother to set up the decorations this year. He has to help get the boxes down from storage, reach the high spots, and hang lights outside. Men.....

Good idea on the pre-labeled cards. I plan to do that one day.

I hope you don't have to be back in the hospital anytime soon. What does the doctor say about your breathing?

I'm glad your thumb is finally healing up.

Myself, I'm suffering with a sore shoulder and ribs. Both located on the right side and I didn't hurt them either. Just a weird flare I guess.

Feel better soon.

Thinking of you Barbara & praying your appt goes well today with your PCM. Hope he/she can do something to give you some relief. Also, praying your appt with the podirtrist on Friday goes well and you find the answers you're looking for for your foot and ankle.

Gentle Hugs

Melissa