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Posted 3/18/2007 11:52 AM (GMT 0)
 

 Well i'm gonna post this to get it off my chest but i feel, gross,fat and tired!!! i'm 21 and covered in stretch marks all over my stomache coz the water retention streched my out, and now have to get change with the light off (even if its just me in the room) so me or b/f can't see how distusting a look. Last night i had the strength to go out with friends and ended up getting bummed coz they all looked like size 8 suppers models with all there glossy hair and what not, while i'm all shrunken violet with and oj in my hand , i'm all swollen and look like a human water tanker, i can't find any cloths to fit me nice and i feel like a bag lady, my b/f says he doesn't care what i look like and that he still loves me regardless, but i still be nice to look nice for him and my self. Anyone get what i mean?

xxxx your all beautifull xxxxx

Posted 3/18/2007 12:26 PM (GMT 0)
awww ((((Phoenix))))

 

First of all young lady...DONT compare yourself to your friends, or try not to at least.  I think you are a very very lucky girl to have a b/f that has stuck by you despite your illness!!!

You must have an inner beauty that has captivated him.

LOL phoenix, getting undressed in the dark is pretty common, because lots of women have issues with their body images.

You have qualities that you cant see phoenix, because when people have terrible illnesses like we do, we focus on how bad we look, but if the tables were turned and it was your b/f, you would be looking wayyyyyyyyyy past that, if you love him the way he loves you.  No one knows what the future holds for us (Thank God) and somewhere down the road there may be a treatment to help your body not retain so much fluid, but till then, just do what you can to make yourself feel better, and just remember, there is more to you than "looks" it's what's in your heart that matters, I'm just sorry that you have to go through this at 21, but what doesnt kill us ..makes us stronger..or so they tell me tongue

 

Glad you felt at ease enough to post, I just hope what I said, helps you. I just know others will have lots to say too.

Diane 

Posted 3/18/2007 4:54 PM (GMT 0)

Phoenix,

   (((Hugs))) Diane had some wonderful advice for you. I know this is hard for you at such a young age. It sounds like you have a wonderful boyfriend! I would say you have a great catch with him!

   I'm sure you are a beautiful young lady inside and out! Please don't put yourself down. Of course there are many people in the world that have the outer beauty, but whats inside really makes a person shine! As my grandmother use to say, "Beauty is only skin deep", and "Pretty is, is pretty does".

   Hang in there sweetie. I'm also sorry your having to go through this! Take care and we are here for you anytime! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

                                                                      Babs

Posted 3/18/2007 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
((((( Phoenix ))))))) You ARE beautiful too and don't let anyone make you feel any different! My mom always told me "beauty is only skin deep", it true.... having a beautiful heart is better than having a beautiful face. People love you for WHO you are NOT what you look like.

You want to know a secret, even those women that are size 6 have insecurities like the rest of us.

Take care ~ Hugs and love to you!
Posted 3/18/2007 9:14 PM (GMT 0)
Phoenix, everyone gave you some great advice. Even though I am older and married, I still can relate to what you posted. I worry that my husband won't be attracted to me anymore and wishes he was with someone healthy (although he repeatedly assures me this is not true). Sometimes I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person I see and sometimes I'm honestly horrified at what I see. I have gained so much weight and my hair continues to fall out, not to mention the flaming cheeks. I have said before that I woulod love to design a t-shirt that explains that I look the way I do because if my lupus and the meds I take to manage it. I am trying really hard though to not focus on all of these things though. The people who really love you will see you for the beautiful person you are. I also think that we are way harder on ourselves than anyone could ever dream of being. I have a very good friend who went through chemo for breast cancer and she went through the bloating and the hair loss and then her hair grew back in a whole different color and textrure. Her friends and family who loved her didn't care at all about these things - we were just so happy she was surviving and was beating the cancer. We all want to help you feel better about yourself, but know that most of us can also probably really relate to this. I think it's one of the many things we grieve when we have this rotten disease. Take care and try not to be too hard on yourself.
Posted 3/19/2007 1:01 AM (GMT 0)
I know where you are coming from,I started using emu oil for stretch marks though mine are from pregnancy,and find it certainly makes a difference.
I feel embarrassed to change or bathe with my husband in the room..it is very tough,but ,yes,your mate is there, thick or thin,and loves you-I am still trying to wrap my head around that as well(for how I think I look).
as for your attractive friends,that I can identify with as well.Though weight was never an issue,I once was a model and now too have stretch marks,and ''issues''. I have discoid lupus on my face and eye,and it is very difficult,I have asked my husband in a fit of tears,''how can you love me ?'' easily he replied,because you are still you,it is the person I love ,not how you picture yourself to be''....
it is the hardest thing to overcome,how we perceive ourselves,....I think it is hard when someone asks ''what is going on,etc''
this is my story:
I was a model.I lost my locks during chemo.My weight plunged.I looked at pictures of how I once looked and felt shame. I had stretch marks due to pregnancy and veins all over my legs-and lost my pittyfull small breasts along the way ,due to weight loss,etc....I was proud fo how I looked,then it was taken from me.....I had a former friend say,((omg!,look at you,what happened to your hair,what happened to your shape,you look like crap!! -as she laughed-I was devastated and after she was done making fun,I realized something,she wasn't my friend afterall)) My husband still loves me,still needs me,and is still proud of me.
Your man still feels the same way,he is still there. we are stronger-just like someone said(Babs?).
Keep your head held HIGH,you ARE worth it,beauty IS only skin deep.
love is love-and it runs deep-
I ,we,understand what this ,and other diseases do,but we are all the same under our skin,we still live,laugh,and cry,and no matter what religion,background or skin color,we are one.
I feel so hurt that you feel so hurt,I wish I could take your pain darling,I really do..........as for the ''super models'',they have their vanity too,you were still the hottest babe in the joint-ask your man! He'll tell you,you are not a shrunken violet,you are the ''perennial'',you can stand the test of time and still be as beautiful as ever,and more so! Each year you are more and more beautiful.
I heard,''what the Good Lord has forgotten,you stuff with cotton!''
(my case-thank God for padded bras!)
look up the song ''Beautiful'' (christina aguilera)...you are beautiful ,and am sending best wishes,thoughts and prayers xxxooo
(sorry to give my part -story,but think I see where you are coming from,sorry to seem like it was about me-not intended-I can feel how precious and beautiful you are-don't doubt it,weight and shoe size are numbers,) Take care hun,hope to hear from you soon,and give your man a hug!x0 crystal
Posted 3/19/2007 2:35 AM (GMT 0)

I just had to reply to this post, because I feel like you need a hug!  I haven't been dx'd with anything yet, so I am not sure that this is my place or not, but I hate seeing what you wrote! 

Please, don't compare yourself to others!  The strength and beauty you show every day that you go on with this condition, reveals the REAL beauty you have.  I know it can be frustrating sometimes to hear that beauty is on the inside, but you would be surprised at how true that is!  Stretch marks, water retention, baggy clothes - they only show the outside.  Yes, it would be nice to be gorgeous, but how many people are really in that league?  There are WAY more of us who are normal, a few stretch marks here and there, a bit of extra weight that we could do without, hair that never  seems to look as good as the person next to us, clothes that don't look good on us....I could go on forever.  So, if you need to compare, compare to the rest of us! 

You need to remember that you are fighting an illness that all of the "beautiful" people could never comprehend.  And, be good to your boyfriend!  He loves you, and although it may be hard to believe sometimes, if he says he loves you for who you are, he means it! 

Hang in there, OK!  Focus on all of the things that make you a great person!  You must be to have a boyfriend like that, and friends as well. 

Thinking of you!  And, I'm sending you a big hug as well!!

Posted 3/19/2007 11:30 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Phoenix, Like the others have saidunderneath you are still the same person. I'm sure you have wonderful qualities. and if your boyfriend didn't see you for who you are he wouldn't be there. But I will say one thing different than the others. You deserve to feel as good about yourself as you possibly can with this disease. Why not pamper yourself a little. go get yourself a manacure and a pedicure and go find a couple of outfits that flatter the shape you are now. They have shops that are made specifically for larger size women. There is a place called carolines. if you live in the phoenix area( just a guess) they have some great stuff there! I do know what you mean. I'm 49 years old and have lost most of my teeth. It scares the crap out of me to look in the mirror without my teeth lol.
I know we have a tendency to not try our best when we are depressed. I think you need to get out the old charge card and do somthing really fantastic just for you. You deserve it!

hugs
carol
Posted 3/19/2007 10:50 PM (GMT 0)
Thankyou so much for you lovely reply's there so helpfull, just when u think you've lost your faith in mankind, you allways get suprised

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted 3/20/2007 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
What I am going to tell you is that beauty comes from the INSIDE. If you want to dress in a way that makes you feel better, look at What Not to Wear on the BBC, not the version from the US. The BBC version...well them seem to pick some of the worst dressing / looking women to redo. The result is always a woman who walks differently, moves differently, smiles more and is CONFIDENT. They never say a thing about weight, but they will go on about breastages. What I like best is that they seek to minimize the less than perfect and accentuate what can look the best. They took dumpy old me (I am 47) and got me out of fat mommy clothes and into slacks that make me look long and slimmer, into wearing skirts again, and picking out clothing that actually fits...and shows a little cleavage. I am still 47, I still have stretch marks and I am still so much loose baggy skin over bones, but I LOOK GOOD and moreover, I FEEL GOOD.

The truth is that dressing better CAN help you bring out your inner beauty. When you feel you look your best outside, the best IN you comes out. I have seen very attractive women who are well over their optimal BMI, but dress and move with confidence. I have also seen the same size women look like dumpy fat slobs. It is a matter of self-care.

Remember, you deserve to treat yourself well no matter what you look like. When you least feel like taking care of yourself is when you need it the most. Don't deny yourself things that make you feel better. I like pedicures with bright toenail polish and bubblebaths by candlelight to feel better. Don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself, you are SO SO VERY WORTH IT and don't forget that.
Posted 3/21/2007 1:37 PM (GMT 0)
Phoenix, As a men I have to tell you if your b/f saids he loves you he dose....My wife has had the same issues...not all men like skinny ass women. After 25 yrs of marriage my wife still can't belive that I picked her out of all the other women. Be good to yourself, I know it is hard but remember you are loved enjoy the love that you have, not what you don't have.

I hope I can help...Love, Frank
Posted 3/21/2007 9:32 PM (GMT 0)
I think it is twisted that all these tv shows and magazines portray an''image'' of beauty.I personally think most look sick and gaunt.. Beauty is on the inside,and with that being said,I KNOW I have met some amazingly beautiful people here. I see a really skinny girl and think''eat a sandwich!''
Heck, I think society puts too much pressure on us to change the least important feature.Being a good person is all I look at,we all come in different packages,we can dress it up all we like,but inside,it is still the same. I wrapped my xmas gifts in brown paper,they all looked the same,just different shapes and sizes,my family liked it that way the best,they said it made it more enjoyable figuring out what was really inside,without all the ribbons and bows. My daughter said that kids at school are so concerned about how they look,that they forget that with all the fancy clothes,etc,that it doesn't matter what the appearance is on the outside,that our real being comes from within. I felt I did a good job the day she said that.
Posted 3/21/2007 10:01 PM (GMT 0)
Phoenix,
I too, wanted to give you hug. Just so you know you are not alone. I am 260 lbs and a size 22 (plus sized obviously) model. (steriod crazied crohnie...just kidding the pred is for the crohns, drug induced lupus) I absolutely get what you mean, even when I was running over ten miles a day. I was still a size ten. But I feel like I have much more life in me now because my warrior strength is still within me, proven by fighting this disease everyday and I photograph much better now. Find a way to make sure your suffering has meaning.
Be Fierce Girl!
Hugs,
Navy

P.S. cute plus sized clothes that I found are from Lane Bryant (the 7seven brand rocks my curves, plus LB has killer cleavage bras in plus sizes).  Plus there are tummie tuck jeans and Spanx rocks too (Spanx clothes are a little too short for me but are incredibly cool).  I make no money from this just suggestions.    

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 3/21/2007 4:25:06 PM (GMT-6)

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