Dealing with my Doctor

Hi Everyone,

I'm new here and am hoping that you will have ideas for me on how to deal with my Rheumatologist.  I've been a patient of his for almost 8 years.  I wouldn't have stayed this long if I didn't think he was a good doctor, HOWEVER:

He lacks people skills.  He has trouble looking me in the eye.  I can never get him to stay in the room long enough to answer my questions.  He finishes up and is out the door.  He doesn't ask if I have any questions. 

I have tried to switch to another doctor.  As you all know, there aren't enough Rheumy's to go around.  That is certainly true where I live.  The story of my trying to switch Doctor's is a whole saga in itself.  The short version is this: My Doctor suddenly decided he wouldn't see Medicare patients anymore.  So all his Medicare patients are trying to find new Doctor's.  So those doctors are refusing to see patients who already have a doctor in favor of those who have just been bumped from my doctors office.

I find the whole situation incredibly frustrating.  Here I am, with a disease that affects every aspect of my life, pretty much all day every day.  And I can't get a few extra minutes with this guy.  But I can't just go "off" on him, because I do respect him and think that he is a good doc.  Just with no social skills.  Or he simply refuses to use his social skills.  One thing is for sure, no patient is ever kept waiting in his office because he never spends an extra moment with anyone. 

Thanks for your reply, Brandichi!

I do arrive with a list of questions, but it is on a post-it.  Maybe I need a bigger list with bigger type!  I have done something similar with the appointment time/length.  The problem for me is that he has his longer appointments first thing in the morning, when I am not at my best.  Still, this may be the thing to do next time. 

The main thing for me has been the frustration I feel with him.  Maybe I need to do something else for stress/frustration? 

Now this may seem like I am veering totally off course, but this morning while surfing the net I found something called the BILAG Index.  British Isles Lupus Assessment Group.  Anyway, it is a questionaire given to patients to assess disease activitiy.  Wouldn't it be great if we had something like that?

One thing I am not is timid.  I've never had any trouble with any of my other Doc's in this regard. This guy is a tough nut to crack and if I succeed I will feel very accomplished!

 I'm sure that bringing someone with me might make the Doc think twice and be more accountable.  It will go on my mental list of things to try.  I like the list you suggest and keeping the file so that it only need be updated for each visit.  I haven't in the past included all my meds, as I thought he knew this stuff.  But it could not hurt to remind him in big type of what I am taking and why I'd like to discuss it with him! 

Sorry if I sound defensive.  I really am no pushover.  I will let you know how it goes and will try the list pretty much exactly as you suggest.

Oh, and I'll check out the resources section, too.

It is good to "speak" with a "sis".  I don't know any other people with Lupus in my community.  No support groups. And I think I understand why.  I certainly don't have the energy to start one myself.  But if anyone starts one, I will be the first in line.

His assistant has asked for the list, tho not at each visit.  I just don't see him looking at it.

Ok, I'll use a reasonable size font. 

I live in Idaho, and as I have checked, the nearest chapters are in Utah and Washington State.  That is why I've thought that if I wanted a support group that I would have to start one myself (with the LFA training provided, I think they do that...)

I don't know if I mentioned it, but I ran a small non-profit Fibromyalgia group here in Idaho for a few years.  Then, due to the fact that we could not elect any new officers for lack of candidates, we folded our tent.  It was too bad, but we were all tired and couldn't do the work anymore, at least at that time.  Maybe it wasn't the right decision, but it is done.  During the time that the group was active, we held several "Health Fairs" to which we invited Doctor's and allied health professionals to speak and/or have information booths.  We also had support groups in the community and around the state.  Some of those groups may be continuing, I don't know.  But we certainly didn't require them to shut down simply because the non-profit dissolved.  So where was I headed with this?  Oh, I met my current doctor here as one of the speakers.  So our relationship has been more of a collaborative one.  He is getting older, has had a few heart attacks and I think he is finding it tougher to get through the days and do a good job for all his patients.  So now I'm sypathetic to him?  Yea, I guess so.  So I'll look upon the list as an aid to us both.