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To get pregnant, or not to get pregnant?

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Posted 3/17/2010 3:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone!

Its been quite awhile since I've been on the forum, so I would first like to say that I hope everyone is doing well, or as well as is possible.

Anyway, here is my situation. I am 25 years old & was diagnosed with lupus & RA about 7 years ago. I am on meds for high bp as well. I have been hospitalized twice with complications from lupus (congestive heart failure, nephritis, etc.). My boyfriend & I having been talking a lot lately about getting married & starting a family. (We bought a house last August.) My rheumy says if we want to try to have a child of our own, I need to do so before I turn 30, otherwise it will be even riskier. I so badly want a child of my own, but we are both scared of the risks for myself, as well as the baby. We've talked about adopting, which we are not totally opposed to, but there are pros & cons to each scenario.

I guess what I am asking is for any advice or personal experiences anyone has to offer on this topic.

Your input is greatly appreciated. Thanks!! :)

Posted 3/17/2010 6:56 PM (GMT 0)

Hi!

I have had the same husband and the same little old house for 37 yrs. I vote for the marriage and family part, however you seek it, adopt, kids or dogs.  I have two healthy daughters, had a stillborn son and 5 eight week miscarrages, that led to my diagnosis of antiphospholipid antibody syndrome, so at least I know why I lost the babies. I am now a grandmother, and just want to offer you a few words of encouragement about a pregnancy. High risk obstetric care, and lupus care, has come a long, long way in the past 20 yrs. If you start out planning for a pregnancy with an OB who takes care of pts with autoimmune disease, (ask your rheumy for a referral), as healthy as you can possibly get.... even before you try and get pregnant, I think your chances are pretty good. I am a nurse, and I researched everything I could, because I wanted to have a big family no matter what God said. I even went to New York City to see a world renowned research specialist. I think your dr. is right about age 30, but good prenatal care, close monitoring of your cardiac and kidney function, is readily available today, say what you will about US health care. And rely on your husband and drs. to help you evaluate the risks when you think the time is right to try, or not. I wish you the very best, and families come in all shapes and sizes. I think it is just really important to have one.

hugs,

suetoo

Posted 3/17/2010 7:58 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you, suetoo!

I agree with you, family has always been important to me. I've wanted babies since I was old enough to play with baby dolls, so I know I have to have children, whether they are biological or adopted. As to your comment about dogs, that was my sister's choice for children. Lol! My bf & I already have a dog AND a cat, but we both want something more. I have a wonderful rheumatologist & I trust him & his decisions for me with all my heart, but I'm still a little scared & overwhelmed about the whole thing. Thank u so much for your wisdom! :)

Posted 3/18/2010 2:58 AM (GMT 0)
i had 3 miscarriages and i have always wanted kids too... we went through the foster care system and adopted all 3 of our kids.. two who are half sisters.. i enjoy it and still yearned for a bio baby but i knew in my heart a baby was not good for me unless i was in total remission and i never went there..im 38 and i am content with my kiddos i have and couldnt love them any less... i hope things get to a point to where your decision is a easy one... good luck
Posted 3/19/2010 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
I had a remission a few years ago and had a baby. Within less than a year after my son was born I developed cns issues with my lupus- the kind that require medication adjustments and cause serious damage. I refuse to let my family blame my pregnancy but my doctors wonder if perhaps the pregnancy didn't weaken me and leave me vulnerable to the virus that precipitated the cns issues. That said my son is 100% healthy and I was on a lot of meds while pregnant with him. You have to weigh the risks. I had been told my husband and I would not be allowed to adopt because of my lupus combined with our low income. You will have to decide what is best for you.
Posted 3/19/2010 7:52 PM (GMT 0)

Ps.

We did foster care too, almost adopted two, weren't released by birth mom so we could, but we didn't love those children any less or differently than we did our "hatchlings" yeah

hugs, suetoo

Posted 3/23/2010 7:46 PM (GMT 0)
I have had auto immune hemalytic anemia for 14 years. I had my oldest child prior to getting the disease. When my oldest turned five, I desperately wanted to have more children. I was in remission with cyclosporine therapy and thought that it would be OK. My doctors were unsure because it was really hard at the time to find any case studies I guess on this. March 31, 2010 will mark the ninth anniversary of my second child's, a son, death. I lost him when I was 31 weeks pregnant. To date, it was the most difficult thing that I have ever been through. I was so still desperate for a baby though, that with the blessing of my OBGYN, I got pregnant again 8 weeks later. However, my body started to fail me again. At the risk of losing another child on November 19 ,2001, of the same year, I delivered my daughter at 25 weeks gestational age. I basically had a baby in March and then another in November. My daughter survived, with more complications during the first three years than I can begin to list, but she is now a fairly healthy 8 year old. Your question is, "Do I do it?" Only you and your boyfriend and God can answer that. If you decide to, please be prepared for heartache and pain. It seems that it would be a miracle if everything worked out. But I'll be picking up my miracle just this afternoon from ballet and I know I wouldn't have done it any other way. Hope this helps.
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