How do you get used to the "new you"?

I am in much better shape than I was a couple of years ago. But the essence of who I was is gone. I could draw. But now I cannot not. Fingers just don't work like they used to. Loved to read. But can't remember half of what I read now. Have a teaching certification. But I am no longer organized enough to plan lessons or keep up with the paperwork. Loved the outdoors, sitting in the grass, working in the garden. But now am afraid to get bit again. Always enjoyed rollerblading and ice skating. But my knees can't take it. Loved to be with people and do things, but now I stick to myself. My moods are all shifted. I barely feel happy feelings but sad is way more intense. Deciding anything is too hard. I guess the bottom line is who I was is gone on every level. And I do not like the new me. It is not me. But it now is me. A friend of mine is a pilot. Never could afford lessons. Before Lyme, I learned enough from reading and being in the plane and playing flight simulator that without a doubt I could take off, fly and land the thing. In fact, I had. Now I cannot remember what does what. How do you accept who you now are if you don't like who you now are?

ttlittlestar - yeah, keep going!! I was not as bad as many on here, but when I was reading your post - oh I remember all this so well!!! I could not say it in better words: how to get used to this "new me" - and I too did not like the new me - this nasty "somebody" who was sitting in my body, in my brain and came out with nothing at all I once liked, was used to, was living for. Nasty time. I loved skydiving - but besides all the joint problems and my prolapsed discs I would not dare to do it again b/c I might forget what I am supposed to do before I just hit the ground. Seems as we and many others here are sitting in the same boat.
But I got better with the "new one - me"; I ignored it in the beginning and slowly started to move into it similar to start living in a new place, new home. The way I remember things are different know (i.e. when I read books, do research) - my brain works different , it feels as if it uses other methods or sth to do its job. Sounds strange - but I can give no better picture (besides it is completely new for me to speak openly in such detail about such experiences). Some of my former self came back and feel good again, "moved in" as I call it for myself. Some went away forever as it seems. And some new skills are developing too.

Do not give up! This will get better !!! I started yoga again, have the feeling this helped me some to get in touch with me again. greetings, dorit.

When I meet someone new and get to know them a little, I find myself telling them "I wish you knew me BEFORE I got sick." And yes, its like we are talking about two different people. It changes us to the degree that we are wondering who we are now. I feel the same way, but I try to think about the kind of person I have become since getting ill. If you really think back, you will find that you are unable to do the things you used to do but I feel that somehow it made me appreciate things more. I dont know if any of you saw Oprah today but it was about how life threatening illnesses (cancer, ms etc) had changed these people to become better people. One thing that comes to my mind that was said was "You dont learn how to appreciate the good things in your life until you experience the bad." Food for thought...take care.  D

It's not that I don't like the "new me", it's just that I like the "old me" much better. I loved being able to remember things and earn enough money to support my family. The new me has been around for about 12 years but I'm still not comfortable in my skin. I've been pretty stable but I keep expecting the bottom to drop out. I don't trust my body anymore.

I used to create art, now, I can't create, I can only copy. At least it's not all gone.

Dowa, I also find myself telling that to people. Right now, there is no one around me that knew me before Lyme. My oldest was 3 yrs old when I got sick so she doesn't remember me healthy.

That said, most people think I am a healthy, smart, energetic, but slightly flakey person. I fake it well!!!!!

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Have you considered you might be infected with bartonella? It gave me exactly the same detachment from myself that you describe. I started treatment a month ago and almost immediately felt more connected to my old self with motivation for the first time in years and enthusiasm. Unfortunately, I quit the drug for a few days, feeling I might be having a reaction, and I am falling back into the "nothing matters" grayness. I have a wonderful camera with super lenses that my husband gave me. I used to win ribbons every year at the county fair for my art and photos. I haven't used it in years. I also used to ride and train my horses but that became a lifeless activity I did not have the energy mentally or physically to bother with. I had to set up a schedule for someone to ride with me. When I started blo treatment, I wanted to ride for the first time in a long time. I gave up everything for one reason or another and felt resigned to being old. I took half a pill of the levaquin this morning to see if I can get past the muscle pain. I can't give up that glimmer of hope.

This is so familiar to me, too. I use to do art....paint, collage...I am too tired to do much of anything. It really feels like a piece is missing. I wish I saw that Oprah show, though. Because in some ways I've become a better person. Not so crazy...too tired.

That is a really good point, unwillinghostess, about our friends. We aren't the same people they knew. And yes, most of my friends now have chronic illnesses, too. It's still sad, because a couple of people I use to be good friends with act as if I can't possibly still be sick. And have said some not so nice things...I don't know if they realize it. But I guess they just don't understand. If they don't want to be friends, I can handle it...but I wish they would keep some of the unfeeling comments to themselves. This isn't a lot of my old friends...just a couple. They remind me of those doctors that thought it was all in my head. I'm so over that type of person!

And yeah, I have a wonderful husband, too. He's stuck by me through everything. Focusing on the gratitude helps. : )

That true....our true selves - inside - are still there, are still us.

i'm so glad pcpc.

no, i haven't triied Zhang.

sometimes, it does kinda get ya down.

Thanks for not accepting our "new" selves.

I wonder if I should try it?

ttlittlestar, everyone has given such great advice.  Lisa, I love your idea of focusing on what can be done.

Are you being treated by a knowledgeable doctor?  Which infections do you have? Tick-borne diseases can affect many things inlcuding hormones.  Have you had thyroid, adrenal, and hormone testing done?  Have you had immune function testing done?  Let your doctor know how you are feeling.

It can take time, but with proper treatment you can get better.  You will get back to doing the things you enjoy.  In the meantime, do everything you can to strengthen your body and immune system. 

Do you like music?  Lisetning to music can be very healing.

Do what you can do now and know that in time you will get back to doing the things you love. And when you do get back to them, you will appreciate them even more.

Hang in there okay?