Not sure I can really do this...

Today has been the most terrible day. I feel there is a huge disconnect between my brain and my body. I know what I want my body to do (move my feet, point my toes, move my legs quickly, type, play piano, etc)...but my brain will not tell my body quickly enough how to execute these tasks. I really feel like I'm completely losing it.

I sat in a panic state for almost an hour today until I finally gave in and took about 3 mg of Valium (I bit a corner off one of my 10 mg pills). After the Valium kicked in and I calmed down, so did everything else and now I feel okay. I sat there crying and asking what is happening; why is this happening (?)

I have disconnected feelings on a daily basis but today it was terrible. I don't know why, but this doesn't feel like it's a lyme thing. I really feel like my brain is just deteriorating inside of my head, and some destructive force is sucking the life right out of me as I watch, helpless to stop it.

I'm not sure I can keep going. Today I really felt I was going to die.

Hi Jendays

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time! That does sound like a terrible day.

I'm still very new to Lyme, but I can tell you that not only does it cause brain fog- it also messes with your emotions. That is one of my worst symptoms. The combination of the two can really make you feel like you're "losing it."

But you can do this! It's scary, and crazy (oops, almost said "scazy and cary"), but you can do it. Do you have friends or family you can talk to for support? And remember that everyone here is here for you as well!

I'll be praying tommorow is a better day for you!

Nicky

Oh Jen, I feel terrible for you and often feel the same way about the brain deteriorating. Could it be getting worse from herxing? If I remember correctly, you recently started on a new protocol so try and hang in there. If the valium helps you get through so be it. I'm sending you lots of hugs and prayers.

Thanks, everyone. The Valium does help, but after 5 years I am finally getting off of it slowly. I don't want to build back up to the dosage I was at, but for now, I will take it if it gets me through the day.

EDIT: The only place I have found "slow movement" is on Parkinson's websites. They say it is an early symptom...along with gait difficulty, which I also have. The only thing I don't have is tremor. (Knock on wood)

cg i get the feeling of standing outside my body too at times. and yes it it very starnge.

Jen i am so sorry your haven so many issues. i can only think as your new meds maybe waking the lyme up and they are moving around in your brain causeing this. JMHO
i pray tomorrow will be a better day for you :)

I still haven't looked up the symptoms but I am really curious. I will probably scare myself to death.

+Lyme,

That is the problem...I do not know that it is temporary. I wish I did know that.

If I knew for sure I had lyme or perhaps believed it, maybe I would know it could be fixed. But I do not know.

Jen,

It's weird that out WB tests are so similiar but our symptoms are way different.

Hi Jendays ~

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time, but happy to see that you are on treatment for the lyme. I have been on the board for sometime and remember how difficult and confusing a decision it has been for you.

I experienced the same type of symptom you describe having a disconnect between your brain and body. For a long time I had to consciously move by body through everything I did - think about walking across the room, about putting one foot down after another - rather than it happening more automatically.

You are not losing it, nor does this mean you have parkinsons and are going to continue to deteriorate. Scientists who do lyme research speculate that many neurodegenerative illnesses (ms, als, parkinsons, alzheimers, etc) for which we know no cause at the present time may be caused by lyme and the other tick borne pathogens.

Lyme treatment is very difficult to go through, but I know that you can do it. Unfortunately things get worse often before they get better and it is a lot for a person to go through. I am much much better than I used to be, but it took a whole lot of treatment for lyme and bartonella for me to get here.

Jendays,

I'm so sorry about what you are going through now. I know this feeling very well when your arm and legs don't do what your brain tells them. I had it for months (Sept- Dec.), when I was in a bad shape and I didn't know that I have Lyme.
Also, one of my worst symptoms is my brain fog with memory and concentration problems. I alway feel as if I am drunk all the time. I have emotional numbness too, for example when I look at my parents or sisters, I don't feel that they are my family. I feel they are strange. But my home is strange too. I have derealization and depersonalization too. Now these are better than it was Sept.-Dec..
Now I'm very scared about starting ABs, because I know how bad symptoms can be, and maybe it will be worse than it was ever before. :(

I see you take Biaxin. Could you tell me how many mgs did you start it and how fast did you reach the 1000mg? I also have to take Biaxin with Cipro and Tindamax, but this is my firts time to treat my Lyme and I'm scared.

Also, I was addicted to xanax before and when I stopped it I had hallucination and my anxiety is still bad. Because of my previous addiction I'm afraid of taking Benzodiazepine again, but i know maybe I won't be able to avoid it
I was thinking about Valium, because it is lighter than xanax, but I never tried it. I see you take Valium.

I just read:

"Interactions between your selected drugs

Moderate Drug-Drug Interaction Biaxin (clarithromycin) and Valium (diazepam) (Moderate Drug-Drug)
MONITOR: Macrolide antibiotics may increase and prolong the CNS effects of certain benzodiazepines. The mechanism is inhibition of CYP450 3A4 hepatic oxidation of the benzodiazepines. Midazolam, triazolam, and alprazolam have been specifically studied in this regard." http://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.php

Did you notice it with the Biaxin and Valium?

I hope you feel better soon.
HUGS

Jendays, I am so sorry that you misunderstood what I intended to say. I'm sorry I was not more clear. By reminding you that this feeling is temporary, I was not referring to the disease you are fearing. I was referring to your feelings of hopelessness, despair, and desperation about all of this. You will have a day (I believe very soon) that you are feeling emotionally and mentally stronger, and you will be better able to deal w/ all your fears. I truly believe this.

This illness is messing w/ my mind something fierce. Even tho I have experienced a lot of relief (knock on wood) from a lot of my pain, (was it a few weeks of abx for other stuff? Is it the vitamin D?), I feel more exhausted and depressed than I had been. That makes everything seem worse, doesn't it?

Again, if we aren't blessed w/ miracles, we must continue to pray for strength. I am praying for yours.

Jen,

I don't know if Klonopin would help with your dizziness but it is awesome at calming down anxiety real fast. You place it under your tongue and let it melt. It has a longer half life than xanex. It lasts up to 12 hours. It really helped me and still helps me when I need it.

I know, LOL. I like is alot too. I only take it prn and that is usually twice a month. My husband takes a low dose now too when he has restless legs. It works really well. I remember giving him a tiny piece of mine when he couldn't sleep because of the restless legs and he says, "Its not working.". I told him to give it another five minutes. Then he says, "Oh, I feel it now" and rolls over and falls asleep, LOL.