My daddy passed away this morning

I am so sorry..

I'm so sorry. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Victoria

Cajun I am so sorry to hear this. I'm at a loss for words.

Know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Jane

Thanks again everyone. The funeral was nice. When I first walked in there, I broke down and could barely go up to see him. It's just so hard to believe he is gone. It's hard to imagine not hearing from him anymore. I do have recorded messages that he left on my phone when I was too sick to answer and some of them are funny. I haven't been able to listen to them again though. I know I will want to when I'm ready so I'm glad I have them.

We got to go up and say a few things about him and I had written him a letter and placed it in his coffin but wasn't sure I could go up and read it. I finally decided to though and am glad I did. I choked up at first and was crying, but I made it through. When I was finished and looked up at everyone, almost everyone was crying. I didn't realize I had touched their hearts like that. My oldest daughter, who is pretty tough with her emotions, was crying. I'm so, so glad I read that. It made me feel good inside and gave me some closure.

My husband drives a company truck and used to be able to use it for anything. We could even use it to pull our boat to go fishing. Well, the company told everyone with a company vehicle that they could now only use their trucks to go back and forth to work and that's it. That was hard for us because my husband would go run and do the errands after work since I am so sick. So, he had to drive all the way back home, park his company truck and get my car to go run errands. It was hard on him. Anyway, while my daddy and his wife were driving to the hospital right before he passed away, he told his wife that if anything happened to him, he wanted my husband to have his truck. When my stepmom told my husband this at the funeral, he broke down. What a blessing. I think my dad knew it was time for him to go home. He wrote a letter to my stepmom right before they left for the hospital and told her how much he lived her. I had a wonderful father and this world will be missing a kind, caring and compassionate man.

Thanks Traveler! I appreciate your kind words.

Thanks hun:)

Jackie,

Hey hun. I sent you an email. Let me know if you got it or not because I've been having trouble sending out emails.

Thank you Rose. That was a very inspirational message. My dad did so much for others. The man was a genius! He had three very successful businesses. Many people struggle when they open up their first business. Not him. He always knew how to turn things around. He was extremely smart. I wish I was more like him.

I've been struggling with his passing. It's very hard for me right now. I don't even like talking about it because I bust out crying. Today, I thought about something and was about to call him to tell him....then this terrible feeling came over me and reminded me that he was gone. It's just hard sometimes and I feel like I'm being tormented. I dreamed the other night that I was crying really hard over him passing. I woke up and I was really crying. The feelings are overwhelming sometimes.

You see, I didn't have him in my life growing up. I instead, had a stepdad
who cheated on my mother. Yay for me huh? My father did not come into my life until about 10 years ago. We still didn't get along though. We butted heads alot and we argued. It wasn't until about 5 years ago, when he gave his life to God, that all of the fighting stopped and we got real close. I am blessed that I got to see my father like that but in the same breath, it hurts even more now that he is gone. I feel it isn't fair that he is gone. He could have done so much fir others by telling them about the life he led before and how he had changed. I feel like it is unfair that I was still sick and couldn't get out to see him more before he passed. I know time will heal all of these crazy emotions I am having but for now, I'm trying to tuck everything under the rug and not think about it. I know that sounds insane but I can't even listen to the voucemails he left on my phone. I just want to forget it all for now.

CG,

It's okay to sweep things under the rug when they get to be too much. You have no obligation to do "textbook" grieving, and everyone has a different need and approach depending on their circumstances. I have my own version of rug sweeping; I see my grief in mason jars on a shelf in a dark closet. I take one out and open it up for awhile, and when it becomes too much, I put it back for awhile. Maybe it is taking me longer to work through it this way than if I were to just throw myself into it, but it allows me an incremental approach to something that could otherwise be not only emotionally but also physically overwhelming.

I've probably had Lyme for most of my life. I was not symptomatic until my husband was dying. After he died I quit my job to get my health together, and to grieve. I did not know I had Lyme and did not understand that the stress of my husband's death, and then my father's death was weakening my body's ability to hold the Lyme and co-infection bacteria in check. And I did not realize that quitting my job, which distracted me from my grief, so that I could grieve full-force was making my health problems worse. So I kept getting sicker no matter how many doctors I saw or tests I underwent. That's when I started pulling back and not allowing myself to be so immersed in grief. I think your instincts are right to sweep it under the carpet as long as you revisit it when you are able. That can put you in the best place to work through the emotional pain while minimizing the physical pain of stress-Lyme.

Your dad sounds like an interesting man. From your post it occurred to me that maybe his contact with you, and the continued friction before he changed his life, were causitive in his giving his life to God. That not only allowed him to finally have a healthy relationship with you, but it also put him in the best possible place at the end of his life. I know you wanted more time with him; that's not an unusual response to having someone we love taken from us. But how blessed you were to have the time you did, and to have it culminate with the loving relationship you always wanted. And to know he felt that too.

about unfair, you are right. Life in all its facets is grossly unfair. Those who suffer feel it the most. It wasn't fair that you didn't have more time with your father, and that circumstances of his lifestyle and your health dictated that to some extent. We don't get to choose those things. We only choose our response to them. The devotion you both had to overcoming obstacles in your relationship shows a love that could not be eradicated by adversity. I feel certain that your love was a great comfort to your father; and that proximity was not so important. Love spans miles and lifetimes.

If you think it could help you, grief support groups can be a wonderful source of comfort, and can help you find healthy ways to address your grief. The widow/widowers network helped me regain my footing after my husband died. I don't know what I would have done without them; I was so lost. I also saw a grief counselor for awhile, and that helped too.

You are doing the right things, and paying attention to what is happening physically and emotionally. I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

Rose