Cupcakes´ story so far

Im gonna try and keep this as short as possible.

Im now a 21 year old student living in England. I was bitten last when I was around 10 - 12. I used to be the most healthy child, but then something happened and I got ill all the time as well as I was constantly tired. In 2006 things got real bad, and i got so many symptoms I think I wrote 5 pages about it once (everything from malnutrition/absorption, hair loss, "leukemia spots" all over my body, loss of feeling in my left arm...). However I consider myself lucky, as I have met many people with lyme being so much worse off! I was diagnosed this summer with my CD57 at 14. I went through 12 weeks of antibiotics raising my CD57 to 41. Then another 6 weeks with oral antibiotics raising it to 47. Tomorrow I will start on a new 8 week antibiotic course.
The worst for me has been the depressions, constant infections (doctors had never seen anything like me), constant tension or anxiety, panic attacks, apathy, not being able to have a normal sleep cycle, chronic fatigue, chronic UTI not being able to have sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, feeling like my mind is in a coma, not being able to be the person I know I am underneath all this, watching my illness affect others and worst- blaming myself because of it all, forgetting to tell myself it´s lyme and not me!

So this is my last night before my next antibiotic course. Ehm, well morning really it´s 6 am. The reason I´m posting this is to put more pressure on myself to stay strong and to take this antibiotic course more serious than the previous. When I was going through the previous courses I was still smoking for instance, and my mind set was just "I´m bitter and just wanna do this and get it over with asap". I realize now this is nothing I can cure instantly and it takes dedication. I have to take my health seriously this time. NO smoking, remember to actually take those supplements every day, eat healthy, be active, NO drinking. Its gonna be real tough and I´m gonna cry and crave smokes like hell but it has to be done. I just want to give up, smoke a packet of 20, get wasted and let everything be and crawl back to my black hole. It´s strange how when you´ve been ill for so long being healthy is something unfamiliar and actually a little scary! But now I´m gonna push. So I´m asking you please for some encouraging words and I will keep you posted on my fight against lyme. Im not only doing this for me, I´m doing this for you guys too so one day I can tell other lymies about my success story and tell someone else where I am now that it´s worth the fight and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I will now have a last cigarette, and propose a toast:

LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!!!!!

I gave up all junk food(a little at a time), alcohol, and narcotic addiction(got it while having seroius lyme pain). I face the battle alone now with the exception of antidepressants because ive been suicidal. The only way to heal is to sacrifice those unhealthy things and give your body its best shot at survival. Which is what you are doing.. this isnt going to just go away... its a serious fight for your life and you have to treat it as such. Yes its scary that this isnt the movies and its happening in reality to YOU, but hopefully thats enough to motivate ya. i am jealous of your new cd57 scores! Mine will not raise for the life of me. Have you had any symptoms improve as they have gone up and do you feel any better at all?

And I hear ya on the significant other situation.   Luckily i have hte best gf in the world who supports me no matter what.  But i always feel guilty that im sick and she cant enjoy the real me. 

Vin

To Vin: Have you tried anything alternative?