Venting

I no longer feel hope for getting better. It's the worst feeling in the world. I'm so tired of never feeling good. For living hour-by-hour, just trying to get through and not enjoying anything. New symptoms every day. Trying so hard to eat well and take all of my supplements and live a normal life. I can't do it any more -- I've got no fight left. I just want to go to bed and never get up. If it wasn't for my kids, I probably would. Oh, and did I mention the guilt for plopping them in front of the TV/video games b/c I can't play with them? Someone please tell me this hopeless feeling is just another evil symptom of the disease and it will go away someday and I'll feel normal...

YEP..that just what it is...the ultimate mind twister and it gets very dark too some days.

Try not to feel guilty about the TV/video games thing. Even if you did have the energy to play with the kids
they love TV and video games. You know, my Mom was always tired and had a migraine after work and I never felt deprived. You Mom is you Mom and she doesn't really have to do anything with you because you Mom's love is so big
it encompasses the whole house. The whole house is you Mom's love ..including the TV and the video games.

Don't let this thing get you down...... Lay in bed for a while and turn on the TV. Be the master of the remote control and have the kids bring you in something to drink. They love doing that kind of stuff.

need some z's,

Don't let the guilt take over you. This disease knocks us off of our feet. If all you can do is put the kids in front of the TV, then that's all you can do. They will understand when they get older. I'm sure, right now, they don't even know what's going on. Focus on getting better. Worrying about these things will only make you feel bad. Keep taking your supplements....they take a while to get into your system and actually work. You will be okay.

You need to keep fighting because you might feel better tomorrow! I hope you feel better soon.

Victoria

In the middle of winter, it is hard to remember the heat of a summer day at the beach, your toes wiggling through scorching hot sand.

Just so, your struggle just to live has made you forget the joy in the life you are living. You can't imagine jumping out of bed, excited to take on the events of the day. The stairs have turned into mountains of Himalayan proportion, ordinary household items weigh as much as they would on Jupiter. That's it, someone's turned up the gravity, dimmed all the colors, and sucked out all the fun.

Wretched, but temporary (sometimes temporary can be a long time!). Here's what has helped me through:

Simplify. Still do things, but find an easier way to do them.

Get help. Those people who think you are lazy -- ask them to give you a hand with something. When they really see that you are struggling, they will understand your situation better.

Focus on a long term goal -- something that gives you a reason live. (It doesn't have to save the World: My goal is to make my granddaughter's wedding dress -- she's two and a half! I said long term)
And a mid-range goal -- something that gives you a reason to get better quickly (I'm planning a charity bike ride next year.
And a short term goal -- something that gives you a reason to get up today. Make it suitable to your ability level right now. (At one point my goal was to do a load of laundry! Whoopee)

Don't dwell on what you cannot do or the fact that you can't do it as quickly as you want to. Celebrate what you do get done. It was heroic.

Help someone else. This will make you feel a sense of worth. It can just be a kind word at the right time, it doesn't have to be another thing to add to the things you need to do.

Some famous person said that the cure for depression is; "Hot baths and noble deeds." Don't forget to put Epsom Salts in that hot bath!

NeedsomeZ:
Why do we fall? so that we can get up and start all over again. Think of all your present problems in life as small mountains in life. Mountains that you have to climb - so that you can see that breathtaking panoramic view when you reach at the top of the mountain.

I read this story of this lyme inflicted girl online, who came close to dying several times, but is doing well today. Read it, it is source of my inspiration right now. I was in awe so I even contacted her, and she only has help to offer. http://www.wildcondor.com/lyme.html I encourage one and all to read it.

When I was diagnosed with lyme (not too long ago). I was crushed. I didn't know what the disease is or how to even spell the name. It was a mystery to my why my knees hurt so bad that i couldn't get my mind off it even for a second, let alone be able to walk. My situation was so darn terrible, being a foreigner, and financial struggles and no family present around, i couldn't understand what I was to do. And I cried, all my manhood melted in a mellow moment. But since that day it gave me all the strength to fight challenges in life, it makes life interesting, I've priortized things in life, started to enjoy small things more in life, fall in love easily, and above all else started to take care of myself. By doing that I do myself good, and I do people who love me a lot of good.

We all lymies have problems, diabetic people have it to, and so do people suffering from cancer etc etc. Its hard to put any sort of objectivity around the problems because to us ours is the biggest problem. But you must fight, right when you think you can't. Because when you win, I am sure this feeling of fight in you is all you'll remember out of the old bad days. And remember more than half the world live their normal lives without even getting this opportunity to fight. You have it, make it count, or else there will be no difference between you and the average.