If this story will help even one person, it's worth my writing it. It is weird even to me and I lived thru it. I don't know if it was lyme or a co-infection that was driving all this but this is how I came to be diagnosed:
Over the last year our business was failing. I was the accounting person so I had the responsibility of trying to decide who got paid and who didn't, find money when none was available, etc. We were a union contractor so payroll was priority, etc. etc. My health started really failing (again...this is after 40 years of being sicker at times than others) along with the business, and about two months ago all I could think about was suicide. I updated my life insurance, I started cleaning out and giving things away, I stashed sleeping pills, and I constantly spoke about death and dying and hopelessness. A friend of mine stopped by and I offered her a couple pieces of the pottery she had made and given me. She told me it sounded like I was going to commit suicide. I told her I thought it was the only option given the finances and how bad I was feeling. I told her I could handle everything going on except that I felt like I was dying anyway. She tried to make me promise I wouldn't do it....I couldn't. about six weeks ago I had an exceptionally bad day and came home and decided it was time. I grabbed the (full) bottle of pills, looked at it and decided I hadn't done enough research on 'doing it right', so I took ONE sleeping pill, a slug of wine and a couple 5 htps (they make me relax and sleep) and got some needed rest. Felt like hell the next day but I did sleep. After that little incident, I knew I needed to figure out how to get the job done, so I pulled out my book "Final Exit" by the Hemlock Society. I was now ready. Or was I? I was feeling bad enough that I thought maybe if I tried an antibiotic for what felt like a sinus infection, maybe I could think more clearly or maybe make it through a couple more days then feel like 'doing it right'. I rifled thru the cabinet and found a bottle of Cipro with most of the script left (ok, I know you're supposed to take all abx when prescribed, but it was there....). I took one that night, took one the following morning, got thru the day (don't remember how), then that night took another one. By the end of the second day there was NO THOUGHT OF SUICIDE WHATSOEVER...and believe me, financial circumstances hadn't changed. I'm not really as dumb as I look and it hit me.....If I have no thought of suicide, then what is driving my thinking? I was scared, excited to have found an answer, and ready to tackle my doctor who will diagnose lyme but not treat. I called his office and asked for an appt. Was told he had an opening at 3:30 that day and I told her I would take it. When I went in I told him this crazy story that I just wrote (short version...he charges by the minute!) and I looked him in the eye and said "It's your job to keep me alive for a few more months so I can at least get health insurance. I want you to treat me for LYME" He said "You know I don't treat Lyme" and I said "I know, but I need you to treat me" He sighed and reluctantly agreed to treat starting that day but made me promise to do the IgeneX (sp??) test. I did; it was positive. So here I am....in treatment, whining my way through the entire mess because I'm so sick on the abx, with ABSOLUTELY NO THOUGHT OF SUICIDE. Is there a connection between this disease and what it does to the thinking process? I would bet on it.
Weird story....You betcha. Will it help somebody? Maybe, maybe not. If it does, I'm glad I wrote it. If not, I've been called crazy before..... Has anybody had any experience with lyme this drastic?????