How to deal with loneliness and abandonment of friends?

I'm used to have a ball with a big group of friends.  They are ALOT of friends but at this point in the illness I am having so many anxiety, depression and nervous system problems that I just cannot deal or keep up.  They have become hurtful with comments about not getting enough help and have stopped inviting me to events.  I am dealing with the depression alot better with the help of cymbalta.  I have let go of the fact that I cannot keep up and begun to enjoy my time alone, in my house and with my family.  But I can't get past the fact that they feel I am a hypochondriac and "choose" to live like this or that they simply don't ask me to come to anything anymore.  Anyone have any suggestions?  They really are good people but without an understanding of the possible ramifications of this serious disease. 

I experienced the same thing. Thought I had a diverse group of friends which has dwindled to about 4. It took a lot of pain and soul-searching, and I still don't understand. But I have learned to be greatful for those few constant friends. My sister has been my rock and advocate, the other will bring me donut and coffee every two weeks, the last sends me funny cards and emails. My husband doesn't want to know about it, he fell asleep during under our skin.
So my advice, what worked for me, was to try and educate the few who were wiling to listen and I had to learn to ASK for help. I prayed for all the people who were friends that they, someday, would understand what it is like.
I also try to think what I will do, once I am better, to help others who are chronically ill.

I am sorry, I know it hurts. My few friends understand I might have to cancel or cut short and I don't feel like a hypochondriac around them. I am truthful when they ask how I am feeling, but don't dwell on it.

Hugs..

I've experienced MUCH of the same... There is NO WAY anyone could understand what it's like to have Lyme disease without actually walking a day in our shoes...no one could even begin to imagine. I have a hard time dealing with "friends" I just happen to run into at the grocery store, too...people I haven't seen in years. They ask how I've been doing, I tell them I've been sick with Lyme for three years, and I don't get much of a reply. I find the majority of the public to be completely ignorant about Lyme - they have no idea how damaging and disabling it can be. Not that I'm looking for any sympathy from these people, but the response I get is usually completely void of any kind of understanding or empathy whatsoever...which in turn just makes me feel worse about my life and what it's turned into. :(

Losing a few of my very best friends was one of the hardest things for me to deal with emotionally; it probably even topped having my over five year-long relationship end. I spent many nights crying in bed, unable to understand why some of my closest friends had abandoned me at the worst time in my life, wondering how they could sleep at night knowing what I was going through...or whether I had just overestimated our friendships. One of my best friends just started to come back around and it's been great. We had a long and honest talk during which she was able to tell me how guilty she'd felt about not being here for me...the guilt just got so bad that she didn't know what to do anymore... She's been coming over once a week, spending time together, having lunch, and helping me with whatever cleaning or chores I need done. Sometimes she just takes me for a ride or we go out to eat if I'm feeling up to it. I make sure to tell her how much it means to me to have her back in my life...and just last week we sat down on the couch and watched Under Our Skin together.

I've found having others watch the documentary (what a blessing it's been!) to be the best way to express what I've gone through...and give them a chance to understand the physical symptoms, emotional toll, political battle, and scandalous-ness of the disease...

Part of me feels like "who cares what others think?" but there's always a part that feels judged by others, misunderstood, and not believed, and that KILLS me because this disease is not who I am. I'm a hard-working person, always on the go, always giving to others, always wanting to be with my friends and live with spontaneity, and I just can't do that anymore. I'm home...and if I want to spend time doing something with someone, they have to come here to see me.

Honesty is always best - I find that friends (and people in general) respond best when you allow yourself to be vulnerable. Be straight up with your friends and let them know how bad you're feeling that you haven't been able to participate in all of their doings... Let them know you need some attention!!! ;)

I am in the same boat, although since I moved here I didn't make any new friends. I find that even my mom and sister avoid to talk to me about this. They call and I call them, but they don't really like me to bring it up. Husband gets annoyed when I bring it up, and most of the time he walks away from me in the middle of my first sentence, I don't have anyone's support except from my friend in Arizona, she calls and actually wants to know how I am. I know it is tough, very tough... I just don't bring it up anymore and don't name it...

My 15 year old daughter is experiencing this now.  She has no real friends who call or come to check on her.  She feels totally isolated and feels she has no life, especially for a teenager.  It has been so hard to watch her go through this.  She can no longer go to football games or even to the movie.  She no longer attends public school, she has had to start online classes, which she struggles to keep up with.  I pray God will put someone understanding in her life to help her not feel the isolation.  Do you all know of any teen lyme disease forums? 

Karitte
I can not imagine being a 15 year old with this Your daughter is on my prayer list as well as a prayer chain I belong to but she will remain anonymous. Hang in there mom it will get better. I have never been so sick that the hurt of one of mi kids would not be worse than how I feel. I can empathize, quicker she gets better the better things will be I shall pray for a fast recovery. My kids had it and they DID bounce back way better and faster than me. I also believe I have read this. If she were mine I'd have her on antidepressants she has every reason to be depressed and if the pill can help amen.
lisa

However could I forget I have all of U : ) to whom I tell the truth : )

I have the same issue. For *whatever* reason, I have been dropped by many friends. Not in a mean way, just things occur and I am not invited. I am butt-hurt over it but...what can I do. I try not to be upset when people say *oh, Lyme? You can cure that, right?* Um, well you CAN but....and that's a big but...eh. Its hard and it sucks. I am now the proud owner of Under Our Skin and am going to do a few 'showings' for friends so they can really grasp te magnitude of this. It is NOT as insignificant as they all assume. I am pretty open about it, I post in a blog and on FB about my journey but even with that I don't think they *get it* and of course most of us LOOK just fine...I am sure when we were out the other night with friends to watch some music noone had any idea how much pain I was in other than my Hubby...

Hi

I am not the least bit offended.  when I first got sick I did tell people, probably more to convince myself than anything else, I didn't expect this illness, I was just incredulous. I was so active before I got sick in 1996.   Now I would rather be interested in other people's lives than talk about my illness. I don't want people to see me as sick I am more than that does this make sense?

I also don't want the attention.,  I have two friends I vent to.  One in particular and I journal and I pray.  I just do not want pity or people asking how I am maybe I am weird but this works best for me.   I can't totally hide it because in person my appearance and or my mental incapacity (on a bad day) kinda shows it. Its bad enough having my family worry about me,  Everything happens for a reason, (I think.)

I went to my  i think 30 th reunion and that was a mistake, but oh well crap happens, most of them were  drunk so that's good!!  So I guess I am a little ashamed, I used to be smart, I have learned a lot how slower people are treated in this culture, some people are sooooooo kind others whew.  I have to ask them to please slow down when I am trying to get a number, soometimes it takes me like 3 times to get it. there have been times I get real confused buying something, like don't know how to count money forget how to use atm card etc... So u are perceptive there is a little pride in there too!!!    I'm convinced I'm tertiary, as is my husband.