Thank God for this forum or I would explode!

 I'm grateful for this forum because right now I feel I would explode!  I just got a call from a relative pretending to be concerned.  I barely finished answering a quick "'I'm feeling better today" I had to listen to the craving she's had for a special bread, how her husband hasn't taken her anywhere because of the snow and how concerned she is that her other daughter hasn't taken her grandson shopping with his Christmas money.  After I explained that if it weren't for a perfect stranger who helped me shovel my car out of the driveway my kid and I would not have survived because it's been five days since the blizzard, she casually blamed her husband for not helping and excused herself for not calling because she didn't want to bother me.  It's unbelievable!  Meanwhile she said she called my sister to make sure she took her son shopping.   My response was that it's common decency to care and help another when the opportunity presents itselt.  And that inspite of my illness I was concerned about an elderly person who lives nearby.  It doesn't take alot to show you care and likewise it doesn't take alot to show you don't.

Thank you Traveler for your advise. You are absolutely right! I choose to forgive and not become bitter. I choose to live in peace and to learn from this. I know that each person has a different capacity to love. The extra stress is definately not worth it. This lack of caring is not new. I just have gotton tired of it and I will not entertain it anymore. I however will not say or do anything hurtful in return. I know that this would just make matters worse and make me feel worse too.

Being ill has taught me that while it's important to forgive and keep peace, it's equally important to stay away as much as possible from toxic people who are incapable of caring about others and who simply want to dump on me whenever no one else will listen.

Thank God we do have what we need after the snow fall. We manged to go out yesterday and get what we needed and before the snow fall I had gone out for gas and milk. Thanks for asking................Willie

I am sure you are all aware  that lyme disease is a neurological disease. (duh)

I had lyme rage before, a long time ago and and it wasn't pretty and I have it now.  Husband and son have noticed, they blame me, as if I can help it.  This is a very nasty disease I wish i could just go live by myself, and let them do their own laundry and my son quit acting like I am a bank when he knows i am not.  See?  i am high on the tempermental scale, I asked son to google lyme rage so he could understand but I know its easier to just think its something I am doing. Meaning he or hubby wont google it,

I have 2 brothers who are quite wealthy, we are currently living 4 on unemployment,  until husbands's seasonal job begins again in Spring,  I am so grateful for the unemployment and all of the things God has given us that we do not deserve,  but this recognition  does not stop the rage.

I find myself thinking why can't at least this one brother no kids rich as rich offer to at least lend some money.  Our son is at a very expensive liberal arts school, he is on his last semester.  He went because we at the time made very very good money and due to his grades was elgible for a lot of scholarships, which I found out later do not go up when tuition does.

I am besides myself with anger, My other brother has lyme disease and my parents "employ" him so he can work when he is not sick, not that he does that much work anyway the farm has dwindled They could get by with just a little help not an expensive full time employee.  They are helping him. He hardly does any work at all . I resent this. I am sick too, more so.  They just figure its my hubbys problem.  I have hinted to see what this brother gets paid but no concrete figure has been stated although I do know from bits and pieces its well over our unemployment, and they buy his apartment and bought him a brand new truck a couple of years ago and gave me a 1996 cadillac when they bought a new one.  And then I have two other bros who are quite well off the one has helped bless his heat but now just gives the money to my son rather than us to use for tuition and books and food. 

With the help of God I helped this brother get disability. however, he is very wealthy in his own right also.  I drive him to doctor and did play  a significant part in getting him on disability. He has been angry at me because I couldn't sit every night at 7 thirty or so and listen to him for an hour on the phone, the  real 'fun" times were when he was drunk.

The other brother who also has no kids but a wife and  is also significantly older than myself is also very wealthy.   He has never offered to help but has said the kids on his side of the family will get half of his holdings when he dies, there are probably 7 kids, altogether.. I guess the part that hurts the most if my parents the way they help the lyme brother by giving him a good job with hardly any work to do and offer me nothing.  I so want to know how much he gets paid but it is obvious mom does not want to tell me.  Should i come out and directly ask her?  and then she would have to say no i wont say instead of my hinting.

i have tried to get disability (I do not even have a spleen to help fight this) but can not because my work credits are not current enough,  I have enough credits but they are not in the last ten years of my life (i have been sick had I known it'd turn into this mess i would have applied much much earlier but I didn't know.)  

I haven't had this rage for probably 7 years?  I am back on doxy and have been maybe 8 weeks, maybe i should go off.  I am still tired but the pain has been cut drastically

I don't drink anymore (used to like happy hour) because I am intolerant to it.  Maybe this influences mom she and the boys love their happy hour.

any sugggestions?  Remember the man with late lyme who went into his church and killed those innocent people? the family did not sue as they said he did have chronic dissemenated neurological lyme  disease.  I don't think for one minute i am going to kill anybody let alone kick the cat but this rage is not getting better.  Any suggestions?  I am a christian and regularily count our blessings and express my gratitiude to God for he has blessed us but the rage still wants to come like a big hurricane or somethin,

 Any  suggestions?

Hi Willie
I posted here because I saw your title, u know the explode part.

I KNOW you are right about holding in the feelings but can i ask a question? Is it my businesss to know what they pay my brother whom
they made a "job" for as he has lyme? Is it my business they bought him a new truck and new furniture and have kept him in a very nice 2 bedroom apartment and used to pay all of his lyme dr bills? It hurts yes but i am concerned saying something will just cause trouble and put mom in a very awkward position. If a parent shows favortism which it feels like here is it their business? From what I have wrote do you think this sounds like favortism to you? maybe they think i have a husband and that justifies this but I disagree. He has been taking care of me since 1996, and they know we are in a somewhat precarious financial position, Do you think I should tell her how I feel? I was a teeny nasty tonight on phone. bros daughter spent the night with us and I did tell her honey u are going to need a lot more than that on let me get u a robe. I told mom this on the phone thinking she might feel at least a little guilty, she just said oh i hate u living this way. WHEW. Her mother favored her youngest brother and she did mention this when we were growing up although she now denies feeling that way,

What would you do If u were me? Now i found out in the spring he is moving (again) and plans to rent a house, for one person (himself.) lord give me patience and something.

Hello roseinjanuary, I can't really tell you whether or not it's favortism. I do however think you feel like it is and I'm sure your feelings are valid. What good would it do for you to know all the things you want to know? Would it just confirm what you already suspect? How would you handle it? It is however most certainly your business if your parents are in a position to help you and your family during your time of need and they choose not to but they choose to help your sibling unconditionally. We all need to know that we are loved, especially by our parents. I have been experiencing the same thing for a very long time from my parents. Your feelings are obviously hurt because you feel that you are being treated unfairly. I think illness makes us feel somewhat vulnarable and in need of extra love and support. When we don't get that from those who claim they love us we get hurt and then angry. As for me I have not gotton to the point of being able to be honest about how I feel. I don't really think it's worth it. I don't think it will change a thing. So why do it? I am learning how to stop them from dumping on me and I won't entertain anymore conversations about everything they're doing for my sister and her son and not for me who really needs it. We can't change what other people do, we can only change how we react to it.

Willie u are wise, it would not do any good to say anything but would do harm, and u are right every child even adult child has a need to be loved by his or her parents, and it does hurt as they could help us but have chosen not to.

I love your advice stay away from the topic, (in fact, that's what I have been doing until I don't know when but this rage hit me,) I found out they have been writing checks to this one brother every month for years to "supplement" the job he had,

I shall give it to God, poor God he gets such trash!! I am so sorry your hubby jumped ship, I truly truly am. It has gone through my mind mine could but so far he has done better than I probably would have done if the roles were reversed. I will pray for a total recovery for you and
for your wisdom to stay with you.

It wouldn't do any good for me to ask because no answer would change what has been and is. Getting these feelings out though is like rain to a drought.

Thanks willie : )

Thank you too rosesinjanuary. It's so nice to be understood. Thank you also for your prayers. I'll do the same for you and your family.

As for my husband, I'm glad he's gone. We don't need the kind of person who leaves when things get tough in our lives. I guess he forgot the "in sickness and in health" part of our vows. We're better off for it. We are stronger and closer to God than we've ever been. I think sometimes it's actually good for us not to have the help and support we need from other people because it causes us to lean more on the One who never leaves us or forsakes us and who can truly carry our burdens. People will always let us down one way or another. Like you said, you're not even sure how you would respond if the roles were reversed.

As for our parents and their favoritism, it's something we must accept. It's a defect of their's and not ours. It's a reflection on them and not us, for we all deserve to be loved and taken care of just because we're their child.


I wish you and your family a very happy new year and I pray for emotional healing as well as physical.......Willie

right-on, right-on, right-on...willie, you said,

"Being ill has taught me that while it's important to forgive and keep peace, it's equally important to stay away as much as possible from toxic people who are incapable of caring about others and who simply want to dump on me whenever no one else will listen."

from all the posts i've read, and ponder, and can't find my way back to, to respond, it seems this is a major common thread. i call it the 'scape-goat syndrome.' it's just so they can feel better about themselves...

i like ECKHART TOLLE's book 'a new earth'. in it he teaches how to identify toxic ego in ourselves, and others, and how to NOT RESPOND  to it... , but to identify the TRUTH ...of the self, and be there strong.

someplace else...? i read how chronic illness becomes chronic because we get locked into a 'fight or flight' mode, (which is tied up in an ego cycle...)and this is when we develope the biofilm that protects the offending blood sucking little devils.

so, i really do feel responsible for my own illness, because of my responses to toxic people in my life.

consequently, i have deliberately excluded certain people (family or not) from my life.....who NEED me to be ill, for them to feel better than me... in their eyes.

now, the time comes when i am ready  to open up to others, who can be positive, supportive, loving, listening, sharing....thanks for being here!

Thanks bauhaus! I'm glad you get it. So few people do. It's funny you should mention Eckerd Tolle. I have his book on "The power of the Now".

The Scape-goat symdrome is a good name for people who refuse to take a hard look at themselves and do the work that it takes to become a better person. I am currently learning to be less ego dominated in different areas of my own life. The insensitivity of those around me has taught me the importance of caring more, loving more and helping others more.

I agree with you wholeheartedly that chronic illness finds it's place most often in a person who is constantly under stress due to allowing others to put on them what they themselves should carry. I've had an extremely hard time in this area. I've always been the peacemaker in my family and they have always used me as a sounding board. Unfortunately this has lead me to many sleepless nights, only to find out later that the one who came and dumped on me did nothing to change the situation and went about their life as if nothing had happened. Leaving me completely baffled at the fact that they dumped their problems on me and I allowed it. Most often I've been angrier at myself for allowing it than at them. Sometimes situations will continue to arise until we learn to handle it differently. I've been afraid of losing them. But I've just come to the realization that like my ex husband, if they leave me because I won't let them dump on me then I have to love myself enough to let them go.