Relapsed and Depressed

Been a while since I have posted. I treated my Lyme for a few years and had been feeling pretty good. I stopped seeing my LLMD because I was doing pretty well and needed a break on my wallet because I had racked up a good amount of credit card debt. A few months back I lost my father then a month later I lost my grandmother as well. I think all that was a lot for my immune system to handle and I started to feel like crap again. I recently got bit pretty bad by a pitbull and my leg got infected. I had to go the hospital and do some IV ABX and they also put me on oral Amoxicillin. Being back on ABX has got me herxing pretty bad. I feel like how I felt before I did all my Lyme treatment years ago. It's a scary feeling. I do not have insurance at the moment and lost my job of 10 years a while back due to my lyme. It also ruined my relationship with my girlfriend of 4 years and I have been single since. Being 29 and sick and seeing all my friends have kids & getting married while I lie in bed feeling sick has got me getting more and more depressed. I know the herxing is a good thing but I feel like I just can't go through it all again. Especially doing it on my own this time without the help of my girlfriend and no insurance. Feel like I have lost hope and don't really know where to go from here. It doesn't help my situation that I live in Mass where all the docs are still stuck on the CDC guidelines. I haven't had a PCP in years due to every doc I see around here not understanding Lyme at all. Which is sad since it's getting worse and worse in my area. Sorry for venting to you guys but I felt like I needed to talk to people who understand what I'm going through...

Hey Mike,
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I am very lucky in that my PCP without asking managed to diagnose my Lyme within a month. I am still very frightened about what my future holds as I have a young family that I tend to full time. I am also in Mass and I believe there is a provision for the uninsured to get health insurance. Have you looked into the Mass Health Connector? I am in the process of finding a LLMD that can stay on top of this, so if I find a good one, I will be sure to let you know. Sending health vibes your way....

Thanks for all the kind words everyone.

I really appreciate it. It's hard to vent to others who don't know what I'm going through. Like you guys said at least I do know I can get better. But at the same time I know how hard it is to get there and I'm just discouraged by not having the same support and finances that I had the first time around. I also had a PICC line for over a year before and I don't know if I'll be able to get approved for another one. I went from having one of the best health ins. around to now having none and applying for Masshealth. Still waiting to get approved for that. This time around though if I can get back to where I was before I will make sure to stay that way by switching to a natural treatment and whatever else I can do to try to make sure this does not happen again.

Brit I don't know if you are willing to travel to NYC for a LLMD but I was seeing Dr. R there for a couple years and he was the one who helped me get to where I was before this relapse. Unfortunately he does not take insurance. I want to try and see him again but need to get some finances up in order to do that. It's really frustrating living in Mass where we supposedly have some of the best doctors in the world but none of them know a thing about Lyme.

Traveler is Ticker not around anymore? I remember her being the old Forum Moderator and haven't seen any posts by her in a while. I also see in your sig that you have been doing acupuncture. I was looking into trying it. Do you feel like it has helped you at all? I also have vision trouble from my Lyme and Co-infections. Has your LLMD said that this is something that may clear up? That was one thing that still bothered me even when I was feeling better.

Jessica I watched your blog and it brought tears to my eyes because I could relate to everything you said. I was about 24 when I first got diagnosed and it sucks being that age when all your friends are going out partying and you're home in front of your computer or lying in bed. It hurts too when most your friends have no idea what you are going through and try to push you to come out and party and go drinking. Because that's what most people our ages are doing. Makes you feel like you are missing out. I also have a lot of the exact same symptoms as you so it really hit home listening to the things you were saying. I wanted to see if you have talked to your LLMD about Bartonella at all because I know for sure that I do have it and listening to your story and symptoms really made me feel like you may as well.

I e-mailed you back Jessica. Yes my eye symptoms are my worst. I have a high tolerance for pain the eye stuff drives me crazy. It seems like from my experience most people with eye issues usually have a co-infection as well.

I believe in things happening for a reason too. Sometimes I feel like I got this because I am strong enough to deal with it. Having something like this definitely changes your life and how you look at life. You appreciate a lot of the small things that you didn't before. When I'm really down I always think about the people that have even worse issues and diseases and even though I'm sick I appreciate not being as sick as some others.

Traveler thanks for the info on the acupuncture. I think I will definitely give it a try at some point. Right now I feel like I need to get some insurance and get back to my LLMD for some ABX and once I kill some more of my Lyme off again I won't make the same mistake I did this time and stop treating completely. I will do some natural treatments, herbs, acupuncture, saunas, excercise and whatever else I can find that may help me...