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Posted 6/21/2012 2:32 AM (GMT 0)
I have been off the Lamictal for a couple of weeks as my doctor suggested. I took my last hormone Yaz pill yesterday...so it's just cedfinir, zithro and flagyl, ambien and me.

I am feeling so depressed and tired. I have committed myself to do too much and I am so worn out.

I don't feel like I can take care of everything that I need to...my daughter is sick tonight. I have three days of all day training for building stronger families because I have two internships to do this summer and this is training for one of them. It is so embarrassing when your brain turns off in the afternoon, and the fatigue sets in, and it's all you can do to pretend to listen.  I even raised my hand because I wasn't getting the directions, it said to "leave room" after getting the answers, so I asked why we had to leave the room, but in the middle of talking I realized it meant leave room on the paper...the lyme brain makes me so dense. I don't want to be this stupid anymore!!!!

I haven't had a period for a year because of the Yaz, now I have to wait for it to come to me...

My feet are turning purple again, the twitching muscles have returned (it cleared up for a few weeks), the dirty eyes, brain fog, fatigue, moods, depression, but I hate the stupidness the most...and the sadness.

Just feeling very down, the stress is mounting, and no one understands.

Posted 6/23/2012 8:11 AM (GMT 0)
Oh man, Shinjii,

I'm sorry I didn't see this post of yours and no one else replied to you, either.

Everybody here understands where your are, I would hazard to guess! Running just the basics of life is monumental while being treated for Lyme, let alone getting done all the things we want to do.

You need some good rest. Any chance of getting some help from anyone? Did anyone say, "If there is anything I can do, just let me know...?" Take them up on it.

Keep in mind that Flagyl is a bit of a depressant. Are you taking a good B complex supplement? Have you ever tried Sam-E? It is a natural product that helps with mood and energy. My LLMD recommended it -- you can take more than it says on the box, but try a lower dose first. I took the maximum my doc said and was up all night very, very happy and excited!! It should help with the hormonal readjustment as you come off the Yaz.

I know what you mean about the stupidity factor. If you can, try to see the humor of it and celebrate the fact that this is a temporary problem. You won't be stupid for ever!

And when you feel down, reach out and call a good friend. Even if you don't talk about your sadness, it can lift your spirits just to make that connection.

Take care!
Posted 6/23/2012 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you achievinggrace and wwjd20 for your kind and considerate responses.
I am taking B-12, l-theanine, and folic acid. I recently tried Focus Factor from Costco, but it gave me anxiety attack. Evening is the worse time for anxiety attacks so I am so thankful I have ambien...I call fall asleep whether I am anxious or not. I have tried St. Johns-it makes me violently angry, I know, weird, huh?
I appreciate the suggestion about Sam-e, I will look into it.
I hate the hormonal moods, it's like I am bipolar for two weeks of every month.
Last night my mood was better but my body was freaking out...tingling, numbness, twitching, etc. If it's not one thing, it's 100 other things, I tell ya.
Thanks again!
Its nice to know there are others out there that understand a little of the misery...though I hope soon none of us will have to be so sick.
Posted 6/23/2012 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
LOL. I'm really out of it too. Especially when I talk to the receptionist at the doctor's office. The other day I called about a prescription and she said, "Are you out?" I thought she meant out of the house or something. I felt like such an idiot. The next time I spoke to her she asked me for my cell phone number and I drew a complete blank and said nothing. She thought she lost the connection. I couldn't remember the number!

This is completely unlike me. I am someone that can memorize things like nothing typically.

I'm having a rough time too. I've been getting worse week by week and nothing seems to be working. I just started a new protocol that I was really happy to try and then I had to stop taking it after less than 3 days for an adverse reaction.

It's nice to have others to talk to online who DO understand because I find that as well-meaning as some people are, sometimes their comments are quite insensitive. I like going to support groups, but the last one around here was over an hour away. They haven't had any since March.
Posted 6/24/2012 3:08 PM (GMT 0)
Sometimes I think the hardest thing to do is to let ourselves say no. Is there anything on your plate you can put aside until another time?

I know how frustrating it is to feel stupid from this thing - all I want to do sometimes is wear a shirt that says "I'm not really stupid I just have lyme disease" - although it's been a nice exercise in learning to stop caring what other people think so much. After a pretty bad experience with one of my abx (strongest reaction my doc had ever seen - totally unexpected monster herx) my cognitive skills were jello. If you're looking for supplements to try to improve your brain functioning, I've had some pretty good results with posphatidylserine, and then a combination supplement of ALA and acetyl-l-carnitine - just something to look into, maybe. Of course it's always best to consult with your doctor, so they say.

It's been a few days since your original post - are you feeling any better?
Posted 6/24/2012 4:26 PM (GMT 0)
Borderlyme, thanks for asking. I am not quite as down as I was on that day. I think the combo of three abx is kicking my butt and the depression must have been part of that. Last night I had a headache that would not go away...scary to me because of past experience with a horrible persistent orthostatic headache. My hands and feet started to fall asleep and I was worried because I couldn't seem to communicate with them...so weird. So, my anxiety flared up...
Yesterday I was explaining my illness to a friend and it hit me again...it sounds like I am making it up.

I was going to take the summer off from school and be with my kids, rest and recover...but somehow, I forgot and signed up for two internships, an online class, and other life challenges.

The supplements you are taking...I don't understand what they are?
Posted 6/25/2012 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
The only reason it sounds like you're making it up is because when you break down and explain any disease, it sounds kind of ridiculous - it's just that most people don't ask their friends to explain diabetes or cancer. At the least, having a disease like this can be humbling, but when you can't handle it, that's what we're here for! Trust me sometimes I hear myself talk and I think to myself "...are you SURE this isn't all in your head?" - it's not.

Below are some links for information on the supplements I mentioned - the phosphatidylserine my doctor originally gave me to help with cortisol levels, but I noticed it helping for memory, and the ALA and acetyl-l-carnitine are recommended in Buhner's protocol (which I've been following recently). Don't hold me to the accuracy of the information - it'll just give you a general idea. No affiliation with any of it, just thinking that it's worked for me.

Phosphatidylserine - http://www.phosphatidylserine.net/
ALA - alpha lipoic acid http://altmedicine.about.com/od/alphalipoicacid/a/alphalipoicacid.htm
acetyl-l-carnitine - http://acetyllcarnitine.org/
Posted 6/25/2012 2:04 PM (GMT 0)
The advice of saying 'no' is absolutely the most difficult part of this disease, particularly if you have active kids. We've now made a conscientious effort to scale back the kids' activities this summer. This has been very difficult for me as I'm usually one than can multi-task carting the kids here and there with my wife.

One child will be going with his grandparents for July and the other two will be scaling back their baseball schedules. It kills me to do this but I simply have to get well.

Fortunately after this week I'll be able to chill for a month or so as I don't have any travel scheduled. Next visit to LLMD is next Monday. Feeling a little better each day ( I think).
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