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Posted 1/18/2013 3:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all,

I just need a few minutes to vent a bit.  I'd been feeling pretty good these past few weeks, some days better than others, but overall I felt well enough that I (again) started to question myself and wonder whether there was really anything wrong with me (I haven't been diagnosed with Lyme - or anything else really - except maybe "post-viral syndrome"...but I'm working on that :-) ).

Anyway, as is usually the case, everything has hit me like a ton of bricks today for some reason.  I think it's because I have a bit of a headache, and for some reason that seems to trigger everything else.  I'm sitting at work with my office door shut so that I can close my eyes and rest.  I'm exhausted even though I slept well last night, I'm dizzy and mildly nauseous, my face is feeling numb again and my tooth hurts (this is new - and I just had x-rays done with no issues!  Ugh!).  My ankle is sore, my knees feel like they'll crumble if I try to squat down...and it's barely even 10:30!  I have a hair appointment tonight after work, and my husband wants to go out to dinner, which we haven't done in ages.  I'm sad to say I'm dreading it...I'm just so tired.


I honestly don't want to continue to vent to him because I feel like I'm whining...plus he doesn't quite "get it", especially since I seem fine on the outside.  Soooo here I am whining to all of you instead!  Whatever this may be, I figured you guys would understand.  Days like this I just want to stay in bed. redface

Ok, rant over. wink

Posted 1/18/2013 4:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Bizzy,

Never feel bad for needing to vent. We get it. Others around us do not. Keep your chin up :)
Posted 1/18/2013 4:58 PM (GMT 0)
If you can't vent here,where else?

Hope you manage your busy day!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted 1/18/2013 7:27 PM (GMT 0)
Bizzy, what you describe has probably been the most frustrating part of being chronically ill for me. It is like a rollercoaster ride and the highs are really high (thank God I'm feeling better and can function and have a life) and the lows are really low (I can't take this anymore, I'm never going to get better). I used to be a planner and never cancelled anything. Now, everything had to be planned at the last minute and then I still sometimes have to cancel.

Just today, I felt decent and decided to get out to run errands. Well, 30 minutes in I felt sick as heck-dizzy, disoriented, in pain all over, tingling and crawling sensation on my face, and anxious. I ended up just leaving the store and coming home w/o finishing my errands.

Anyway, I'm sorry that you are going through this. If you do have Lyme, it cycles every 4 weeks. Do you notice a 4 week pattern? I don't get that pattern, but I also have Bartonella which cycles more frequently.

I understand what you're saying about dinner w/ your husband. There have been MANY times when I have just pushed through an outing w/ my husband for him. My husband is wonderful and does a lot for me so I just look at it as a gift to him - to be able to spend time out w/ his wife. And when we're out, I don't tell him that I feel like I'm dying, LOL! That being said though, there have been times when I've just had to tell him that I'm too ill to go out.
Posted 1/18/2013 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
Bizzy,

It's tough not getting a diagnosis. I saw 100's of doctors for myself and my daughter in the 4 years prior to our diagnosis. So many of them telling us that there was nothing wrong with us, that we were lying, or giving us the wrong diagnosis. But hang in there. We all understand... And your venting.. better than to keep it bottled inside.
Posted 1/19/2013 12:28 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Bizzy,
Please do vent here!! I really shouldn't be the only one who does!! turn Giggle!!

It's really tough to look fine on the outside and yet be so very ill on the inside! Most of the time that I've been ill, people tell me how wonderful I look! eyes It gets old after a while though.

Do be careful about pushing yourself to go and do most anything when you are that tired though. You are very ill, no matter how you look, and pushing yourself like that is hard on your body, in particular your adrenal glands, which are already likely taxed due to these infections. I had my adrenal glands 'crash' just 4 or 5 months ago due to pushing myself too hard and these infections taking their toll. I would hate to find out that you too had this happen!

Another thought, could you get your husband to look through a site set up for those who are married to or have a loved one who is infected with theses diseases? It's called Lyme Spouse. Here's a link, just in case you can get him to look over it: www.lymespouse.org/

Take the best care of yourself as you can, and hang in there!! :-)
Posted 1/19/2013 12:52 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the encouragement everyone! :-) I did end up cancelling dinner tonight, which was probably for the best since we wouldn't have gotten home until 8:30 or so, and I fully intend to be in bed by then!

@Mystery Illness, although my symptoms definitely come and go, I don't think it's a four week cycle. Honestly, I haven't paid much attention to whether there IS a pattern of some kind, I just counted back and realized it wasn't the typical Lyme pattern. It's interesting to know that co-infections can mess up that cycle - I'll have to pay closer attention.

@Traveler, it amazes me how often people tell me how "great" I look now that they know I'm sick! It is actually kind of annoying, even though I know they mean well. eyes
Posted 1/19/2013 1:48 PM (GMT 0)
I'm happy that you were able to just go on home and stay home last night, Bizzy! Maybe you should have a talk with hubby about the Spoon Theory? www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=30&m=2527522 It's an interesting way to explain our energy levels - we get a certain amount of "spoons" each day, and we must use them wisely. It just might work!! :-)
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