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how to maintain relationships with lyme

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Posted 1/19/2013 9:57 AM (GMT 0)
 Well my so called boyfriend broke up with me christmas eve.  My son did not make it to see me, as he lives 7 hours away.. so spent christmas alone.   I made it but do find myself slipping into that dark hole depression.   

First off I do have better days now.  I not as sick as before I knew i had lyme.. treatment has made some symptoms go away,  some have remained,, other new ones cropping up.  ABX are hard on my tummy, so I have dry heaves, acid reflux.. etc..

My boyfriend says he feels all alone, as I never go anywhere with him.  Can't plan anything ,, but worse thing he said was I made him miserable.  He couldnt sit here and hold my hand 24/7.   Just a real rant.. but then to confuse matters he packs up his stuff goes back to his place.. but christmas morning calls and sings HO HO HO Merry Christmas on my answering machine.  As I was so mad wouldnt answer the phone.. Then he continues to call and act like all is fine, do I need money?  blah blah blah.. 

I do not think I should have to feel guilty for needing to rest,  I know how much energy I have and what to expect to get done.   Very hard to feel sexy when you never know when you might poop yourself.  ( anyone else have that symptom?)    

Well guess this is my life.. alone and sick..

Posted 1/19/2013 10:04 AM (GMT 0)
I know how you feel :(

It's so tough, and they don't understand how hard it is to even get out of bed most days. Once I do, I'm usually counting down the hours until I can crawl back in it. My husband recently told me he was sick of me not following through with anything. I laughed and reminded him why that's funny...it's because I don't bother to make plans anymore! So I understand where you're coming from. As far as sexy goes, I no longer know the meaning of the word... :-/
Posted 1/19/2013 10:18 AM (GMT 0)
How are we do live like this? I would like nothing better than to have a fun going out enjoying life. Just taking care of my house, my pets, taking all my pills.. vitamins, etc etc,,

I want just somebody to care enough to sit and watch a movie now and then.. is that to much to ask?
I still do all my own shopping, going to doctor, rx, car repairs, I hardly put any demands on him at all.

Think the real problem is he has trouble taking care of himself.. so why in the world would I think he could help me?

I sure don't have the energy to go out and meet a new guy. lol..which I am sick of people suggesting..
Posted 1/19/2013 2:09 PM (GMT 0)
No matter what you decide to do, never, never beat yourself up for being ill!! If we had any other disease, these people wouldn't react like that. So be true to yourself, take care of you (as there's only one!!) and stick to your guns! You are ill - quite ill - and you need to take care to not make things worse.
Posted 1/19/2013 11:21 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry you are going through this, this disease is horrible. How can we make plans, when we never know what tomorrow may bring? I spend all my down time in pj's , I don't feel like much of a wife anymore either.

As far as the disease goes, and life, we are all going to get sick at one time or another. I know it's a lot for someone to take care of a sick person, but if they love you , then it shouldn't be a issue. Also he is not the person, if he can't understand how truly sick you are, that Lyme can be a very chronic disease. You are not alone, there are so many people on this website that feel the way you do. Don't ever blame yourself for being sick, we can't stop cancer, we can't stop Lyme .

I try to take one day at a time, read as much as I can about the disease, people in our life will go , they can't handle it , but the ones that stay are the ones worth fighting for. Also we have to fight for our self we are worth it.

Justme
Posted 1/21/2013 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
HI Justme n Travler,, thanks for responding. I know you all get the you do not look sick ,, or somedays you are sick. somedays you seem better.. so your just making it up as you go along ... I was accused of conveniently getting sick. ? What why would I do that? I do not have to say I am sick If I choose not to do something. I am a grown up darn it. :)

And Yes, Justme,, I too have the lyme seizures, and optic neuri*** . Light sensitive, ugh.. Wondering what your doctor has told you about your seizures.. will they go away ?? Get better with treatment of lyme. I do no understand .. mine said yes,, they could be from lyme. but nothing more.

Now I have quit abx.. as my stomack was having acid reflux at night giving me dry heaves or worse.
Posted 1/22/2013 12:15 PM (GMT 0)
Whew this board is a lifesaver. Last night I had a huge fight with DH not doing chores, complaining that he does not have enough time but yet he is watching youtube videos. He is not 14 but almost 50.

I am in constant pain but I do my best everyday to maintain a positive attitude.

Lyme tests a relationship. I do not want the responsibility of reminding a healthy adult to carry a little more on their plate until I can fully get back on my feet. Everyone will get sick, it is an inevitability.

I feel so relieved that I "spoke" my piece. I'd rather be by myself than put up with someone who is in denial over your illness despite seeing you in convulsions.

@Thank you Traveler for your words of wisdom. You made my day!
Posted 1/27/2013 1:58 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry that I've been MIA for the last week!

The thing is with our spouses is that they often want nothing more than to fix us/ get their old life back - which of course does include us being well again/or just to stop our pain. Of course there is nothing that they can do about any of it, so it's incredibly frustrating for them!! I thought my hubby wasn't being supportive only to find out that he was just as frustrated as I was!

Talking about these things with your spouse is very important, as we need the support, and they need the understanding. Taking care of me when I was at my worst has helped my hubby be able to take on taking care of his Dad who now has moderate to severe dementia (& what has kept me too busy to be on here - for now!) So it's a good thing for them to work through it all with us - if they have it in them! Same goes for boyfriends/girlfriends - if they can't hack it, let them go understanding that they aren't in the right place of their lives to have the understanding to deal with these horrible, horrible circumstances that we have been thrust into!

As always, I recommend that significant others check out Lyme Spouse @ www.lymespouse.org/ to help them get a better understanding of what we are going through!!
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