what about having children?

This has been kind of a hard day. And a happy day too.

One of my best friends (we call ourself sisters) had a second baby today. I'm getting 34 this year, been married for over 9 years.

I don't have this insurmountable urge for a baby, but I think that feeling is slowly sneeking up on me.

I sometimes think it'll be too late for me, sometimes I just don't want children, sometimes I do. It gets me confused.

I've only 'started' treatment (August 2012), have no idea how long it'll take, don't know if it works, cause I don't feel any change at all, on the contrary. And it has been in me for half of my life.

My husband says everything will work out fine, but I'm confused, and I honestly don't know.

I don't even know if I can have children with the chemotherapy I had when I was young, because of the damage that Lyme/Bart has caused. Everything is so unsure. I know I shouldn't think too much about that, but the clock is ticking.

Then there's the comments from people saying I'm getting 'old' to have my first child, asking questions that aren't theiry business...

Big sigh...

Well, first of all congratulations on becoming a "Aunt" again!!!

Although I had my 2 kids at fairly early ages (20 & 22), I had been infected for over 13 years with my first child and 15 years for my second, without any treatment for the infections. They did end up with some issues that may be attributable to my infections, or it may have just been the 'abnormalities' they would have ended up with anyway. The hardest thing was what pregnancy did to my body. I had three pregnancies, with 2 live births and by the age of 23 I was being told that I only had a 40% chance of surviving the next pregnancy.

There doesn't seem to be much information on how well women do after treatment, only during treatment & pregnant......although of the stories that I've read, most of the children seem fine. There are always horror stories to be told - even if there are NO complicating issues.

Before knowing that I had Lyme and how that affected my pregnancies, I was one of those horror stories!!! LOL! My pregnancies, labor and delivery were pretty hard on me with both of my kids! I had a miscarriage at the 19 weeks with my first pregnancy - perfectly formed and no reason could be found as to why I miscarried - the doc was curious so there was even a bit of testing. But remember, I had Lyme, Bart and likely several others raging through my body without having had any treatment.

Although I can't speak about the cancer treatments you may have had, I wouldn't let having Lyme in the past (once you get there) stop you from having children!! They can be the joy in life for many.

Thanks for the answers.

Trav,
Thank you - I'm the godmother of her first child (a girl)
you sure had a hard journey...
My dr asked me to make sure not to get pregnant while on treatment (I wouldn't have done that, I'm so tired I can barely take care of myself). He told me that his patients that do get pregnant actually feel good during the pregnancy, but then after birth, they totally collapse again (much worse than before).

Nan,
I know that around the world there are plenty of population groups that consider having children well in your 40s as a very normal thing... But I feel that gynaecologists over here are always trying to scare me (I've had several)... either from being late to start children, making me freak out about breast cancer or saying I should be careful of not having early menopause, etc...

Marie

Marie: My docs are both alternative..integrative, that is, use both Western allopathic and natural methods.

Thus are not so immersed in the standard paradigm of medicine and look more at each individual person. One of them has indeed successfully had at least one patient who was pregnant and had lyme. OF course, it was when she was doing very well, and the lyme was under control. NOT when very symptomatic.

good luck! you are still young. Plenty of Mom's in my town had kids in their 40's, I know at least 3.

This is such a hard topic for me. I want more than anything to have another child. I am 36 and feel the clock "ticking." My husband says we have plenty of time, but I worry.

I got sick when my son was 9 months old, and he's 18 months old now. He is our only child, I use to get angry a lot because I never wanted to have a child and be chronically ill. It's so hard.

Now I look at it more positively because I would have been working and living the fast paced lifestyle trying to balance it all. I have got to be with him, and feel so close to him.

I have tried to research this topic, and there isn't a lot of information out there. I first got sick at age 28 and was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I believe the pregnancy, lack of sleep and my gallbladder surgery all triggered the infection to come alive again.

I am scared that would happen again if I had another baby. And also the fear of spreading it to the child.

Once your healed, maybe if you continued with some type of treatment during the pregnancy and afterwards, it wouldn't be so bad? I found a blog online - Pregnancy and Lyme....she had 2 babies while treating Lyme and has recovered and her babies are both fine.

I have not yet discussed all of this with my LLMD. I know first I have to heal.

I know quite a few women that have had children at age 38 and beyond. I wouldn't let this stop you. Your going to get well ~ don't let Lyme get in the way of making the decision to be a Mother. It truely is the best gift in life