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Posted 8/14/2013 1:00 AM (GMT 0)
I'm having a really hard time. I'm only a few weeks into treatment, and just feel like I'm losing it. The dizziness, the headaches, the anxiety, the fits of rage, the mood swings, the crying spells....

..my symptoms have made me scared to be alone...

...the $350 bill from CVS for my antibiotics, since my insurance doesn't cover it, my money dwindling and having to sublet my apartment because I can't afford it anymore..

...then my parents' dog ate my tray of food that I made for the week. Normally I would have laughed because she is notorious for stealing food, but I only have certain things I can eat now- and it took so long preparing all of that for the week.

I screamed at her and then locked myself in the bathroom and cried.

I'm so depressed because I won't be able to continue treatment for $350 a month. Now my son needs a new car seat, and I'm paying for a babysitter because I can't do it all by myself. I feel like I'm hitting walls every way I turn.

My old friends seem to have vanished-

...and my Godfather is very sick and in the hospital, but I've been too sick, myself, to visit.

I just feel like I'm losing it. I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I was such a positive person before- I was kind and spiritual and open and witty. Now I just feel like a horrid shell of a person.
Posted 8/14/2013 1:04 AM (GMT 0)
Bindu,

I'm really sorry to hear what you are going through :/. It does get better. I can't promise the financial situation will get any better soon, but eventually yes. I know about preparing the food. I would recommend talking to the pharmacy about options. There are other discount cards you can just show as well. I have been very surprised a few times I have called supplement companies and asked for a discount and they actually will give me a 25% discount. My guess is it would be substantially more of a discount off of pharma.
Hang in there hun.
Posted 8/14/2013 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time. I hope you'll try opugirl's advice and get some discounts.

((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
Posted 8/14/2013 2:48 AM (GMT 0)
Bindu,
I am so sorry you are going through a hard time. I get it totally, I feel the same way. I am a single mom of 3 boys and trying to make myself well enough to take care of them is very hard. And friends will just not really understand what you are going through. Big hugs to you I wish I was near you to offer more support!
Posted 8/14/2013 3:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Bindu, prayers and hugs for you. I feel like we're riding in the same little boat with no oars :-/ All I know is that we can get better and there is hope. It seems like eternity! But we can do it.

You have so such support here, come and vent. It helps a little to get the negative stressors off your chest.

I keep searching for answers...we will find them someday.
Posted 8/14/2013 7:12 AM (GMT 0)

Binduspire,

I understand totally... try to take one day at a time. If that doesn't work, just hour per hour. I've been there, still am.

At times, over the years, I've been scared to be alone because of my symptoms (especially the heart and neurological stuff), but time has shown that there was no need to be scared, although they can get really scary. Today, I have no savings left... just my salary coming in, luckely no debts. Went too far investing in my health, need to take a step back for a few months, less testing, just continuing medication. Most of us suffer financially, but it will get better.

Every extra effort, every (minor) misfortune is enough to make us so desperate. The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back...

Please try to go day by day, hour by hour. It helps a lot...

Posted 8/14/2013 6:03 PM (GMT 0)
So sorry you are having such a difficult time and a little one to take care of on top of it all. I'm just starting treatment and am on two herbal formulas - Samento and Banderol. Hang in there. It will get better.
Posted 8/14/2013 8:36 PM (GMT 0)
You are in my prayers and thoughts Bindu. The one thing I have learned through my severe depression and my husband's illness is that we are not at fault for what we suffer and we need to be good to ourselves. I have to remind myself of that all the time.
Posted 8/14/2013 9:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hang in there!!! You are NOT alone!! You have a ton of friends here!!! You CAN do this! As hard as it is, you can do this!!

Take a deep breath, and relax for a bit. Don't worry about any of this...just for a moment. Food, as important as it is to our healing, sure isn't worth "losing it" over. Try to at least get a giggle out of the dog for being who she is - I have a food hound too. This too will pass, really.

Maybe you should seriously consider some help with the anxiety - just for a bit. There's no shame in this, it's due to a disease and it will give your body a bit of a break as well as your mind.

Look at this as a time to purge your friends - give some of them a bit of time, they'll come around. Those that don't, well you need to surround yourself with healthy relationships now anyway to help you heal, not those that tax you in any way.

Kids are always growing out of something!!! I have adult children and grandchildren now, so I've seen it a lot!! LOL! Try looking on Craig's List or something like that where you can get a good condition, but slightly used car seat to help you save some money.

Try some of these to help. I've scoured my links and although there's quite a few links, and I'm sure there's duplications, but maybe there will be something there that you can use:
www.internetdrugcoupons.com/

medicationcoupons.com/

www.anapsid.org/cnd/disability/

www.disabilitysecrets.com/social-security-disability-lyme-disease.html

thyroid.about.com/cs/newsresearch/a/insurancepay.htm

lymelightfoundation.org/grants/

www.prescriptionhope.com/index.html

lyme.kaiserpapers.org/financial-assistance.html

lymedisease.org/news/touchedbylyme/needy-meds.html

m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=496776497026802&id=327348653971656&__user=9415916

Hang in there, you'll make it through this too. You are a strong woman and this won't take you down if you don't let it!!

Many gentle hugs.
Posted 8/15/2013 1:41 AM (GMT 0)
Well I'm just amazed at all of the support here. I feel really thankful. This was so thoughtful and helpful- all of your words.

opugirl and Garden Peace- yes to looking into discounts! Thanks for the advice. I need to be more resourceful.

AngelSB- someone who understands being a single parent... it's hard but we can do this. Thank- you.

LymeRebel- your phrase about "the boat with no oars" was so poetic...truly fitting... it has been a real blessing to be able to get rid of those "negative stressors" by venting here.

MarieLS- I felt so relieved that someone else understands the "fear" of symptoms. I'm getting a little better at telling myself "Nothing is going to happen...it is just the Lyme doing this."

Diana_from_ SoCal and Cat53- your kind words gave me hope. Thank-you.

Traveler- wow...so many great links, and such a burst of strength coming through on your reply. Thank you so much. I'm going to make sure that I laugh at the dog next time..lol

Thank you all again for helping me get through the day. It makes such a difference.
Posted 8/15/2013 6:30 PM (GMT 0)
I'm glad you got some help by posting here. :)
Posted 8/15/2013 6:39 PM (GMT 0)
Same here, Binduspire! I'm so glad that you were able to find some help here!! Hang in there!
Posted 8/15/2013 6:58 PM (GMT 0)
Binduspire~
Hope you're having a better day today. Seems like perhaps your friends that you had before weren't really friends if they leave when the going gets tough. True friends will support you however they can, even if it is just to listen to us vent or whatever...
I hope things work out with the $, child seat, etc...
I too have locked myself in the bathroom and had tear fests...I get it completely and understand, as well as the particular food issues.
Take care of yourself.
Posted 8/15/2013 7:12 PM (GMT 0)
I decided to stop calling "friends" a few years ago, thinking if they were friends, they'd call me some day, but they never did, so I'm glad I did it. I was always the one doing the calling. I attend a Lyme support group, so that helps quite a bit. My husband and daughter are good support too.
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