Depression...help

These thoughts are so dark. I use to have fears and anxiety attacks and simple soothing words would pick me up. But this time around its so different. Its almost like the will to go on is gone. Its a continuous thought process and frankly im pretty afraid of these thoughts.
I use to come to terms with my negative/anxious thinking but these thoughts are much darker than those. How do i get over this rough patch??? Im not on treatment right now. Afraid to start again while feeling this way.

Been taking lithium orotate and just started tryptophan a week ago. Do u think the tryptophan is making it worse??

I havent but im sure what they have to say will not decrease this darkness. This is probably the hardest thing i've ever had to deal with. How did u deal?? Did u try herbs like passionflower??

Tootsie, I'm so sorry you are in this place of darkness. I know what that's like. LoveHealth said it very well with her comment. It took me a long time to realize that the feelings that come with clinical type depression aren't the same feelings I would have dealing with everyday situations if I was in a normal state...if that makes sense. Years ago, before I started antidepressants, I thought I was just really upset about a couple of problems I was having and didn't think I would ever get over them. It seems like negative experiences are magnified 100 times and if someone had offered me a million dollars, I would not really had reacted. It truly is a dark place. LoveHealth is right..you need to be gentle with yourself and try to ease off as much responsibility to others as possible. Look at it this way, when you feel physically sick, nobody expects you to work or cater to others, right? It's so hard for people who have never experienced this to see that it's important to take care of yourself in the same way you would with any physical illness. Lifting any burden of responsibility is one way to help yourself.

Wow so much great support here. My heart goes out to all who experience this awful dark moment. I felt like my life has come to an end and my father literally had to peel me off the floor. I need to remember that 'it too shall pass'. Of course feels like a lifetime but im sure ill see that sliver of light.

I am giving up the tryptophan for now and have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow. Lets just hope she will be able to knock some sense into my stubborn brain. These emotions have got to take a back seat!!!

I mostly hide it when I cry, I do it all by myself - lol.

It feels in fact like my chest will crack open if I don't let it out - so I cry: in bed, when I'm alone, when I'm driving...

 

Yesterday husband was asking how I was doing, and I burst out into tears. He told me he's sure I will beat this, that I'm strong, that he's convinced things will change, then rubbed my back and gave me a kiss.

 

I've let down my shield towards my sister and a friend, I sometimes cry (shortly) over the phone when they are calling me. It helps a lot.

 

This disease makes you so emotional, I'm sometimes like a sobbing rag, then I start to laugh at myself.

 

The anger is another thing... Husband takes a lot from me, he would never accept others behaving like I do. I started doing anger meditations, it helps so much, but sometimes I just have to let it out...

tootsieroll - Are you doing better today?

I feel a bit better today after discontinuing the tryptophan. I added in Passionflower for the anxiety and insomnia and so far it has helped. Its not the magic bullet yet but i'll give it more time.

Im so happy to hear of the supportive spouses. I was starting to think that all men dismiss issues and emotionally disconnect.

I went to see a therapist today and it felt really great to have some professional advice. Although it felt like it lasted 5 mins.

Hang in there. It WILL get better. I spiraled pretty deep into depression about three years ago, and that was actually the linchpin in discovering I had Lyme disease. The oppressive, absolutely dark thoughts that followed me from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep made for the most difficult time in my life. My therapist was my saving grace. If you've found someone you like, make sure you continue seeing them. It's really important to have an objective observer, someone outside of your head to talk to. When I got through the initial die-off with the Lyme, I really began to feel better. I'm still struggling with a lot of the effects of Lyme and of the treatment, but I haven't dealt with the depression in over two years now.

One thing I've learned after living in deep depression is that it's hard for people who have never felt real depression to understand. It just doesn't make sense to most folks, so you have to be patient with them. Try to surround yourself with people who will support you, even if they may not understand exactly what it is that you are feeling. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help if you feel like you need it. The moment I broke down and sought help was my first step on the road to recovery.
I hope things improve for you soon!

Thank You to all of you! Every day seems so black at times and this can make you think that this journey will not end positively. Hearing so many others report on their experiences with Lyme makes me realize it is this infection an snot me. I suppose this has made me so much more compassionate to those suffering with depression or chronic illness in general. I never experienced depression or anxiety before I was stricken with Lyme. Now I have become so aware of how in denial most people are, believing that they will never face such circumstance and avoiding those who are dealing with these circumstances regularly. Thanks again to each of you for your support.