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depersonalization help please!!

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Posted 3/26/2014 1:56 PM (GMT 0)
I have had this symptom from the beginning.  Its been almost 3 years of feeling this way, i feel out of it all the time, I have dimmed emotions like I'm faking it when I'm happy.  My LLMD wants to start me on doxy, but I really want to try essential oils.  Any who, is there any hope for this horrible feeling? I'm terrified that I'll have to live this way forever.  Has anyone had 24/7 depersonalization and have it go away with treatment?  I'm really feeling discouraged) =

I called off my wedding because i feel i won't enjoy it. I also have two kids who need me uhh.
I ddon't want to even treat if it won't get better uh.
Posted 3/26/2014 2:05 PM (GMT 0)
Imom0913, (this is my birth date 09/13! lol)

I too feel this way. I don't really have any emotions any more. I feel out of it so to speak. Sometimes I blame it on having a million things on my mind, like another herb to try to get rid of this but I don't know. Some days I feel "clearer" than others so who knows.

I LOVE essential oils. I use them before bed and I've herxed on them before. I am actually calling today to make an appointment for that raindrop massage that uses essential oils.
Posted 3/26/2014 3:01 PM (GMT 0)
That is something that takes time lmom. i had depersonalization for a loooong time. My personality is slowly but steadily coming back. I recently laughed like 'really' laughed for so long I was crying. I literally haven't had that in years. No need to feel bad about delaying your wedding. You will get married when you are ready. Focus on healing for now...:) and try to spoil yourself every now and then - that helps too!
Posted 3/26/2014 4:17 PM (GMT 0)
i have depersonalization of my body and my visual processing and spatial perception is messed up 24/7 to the point where i dont even know what im looking at alot and when i stand or walk i feel as though i dont have a body
Posted 3/26/2014 6:47 PM (GMT 0)
I'm not sure if it was really "depersonalization", but I often felt numb. The only emotion I ever felt was anger. And when it was there it was CRAZY!!!!!! I hated it.

After being in treatment for about 3 months, I had about 4 days of being genuinely happy. Emo's come and go for me these days. So I think treatment does help. I think it also takes time. I still struggle with not being "who I was" before all this. Awhile ago, one of the members (Garden Peace I think, but not sure), wrote about lyme being like an umbrella over you. It kinda covers who you are, but you are still under there. That helped me so much. It still does.

Try not to beat yourself up. You, within yourself, know when the timing will be right for your wedding. And as for your kiddos, I'm sure they are happy you are simply around. :)

((((HUGS))))
Posted 3/26/2014 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
I am sooooo glad someone brought this up! I am also very, very sorry anyone is dealing with this horrible, and very scary at times, symptom(s).

I've experienced this for at least the past 10+ yrs. I have been telling everyone I know how 'off' I feel, like I'm walking and I can't feel my body from my chest down. And, like I'm in a dream state, 24/7, and feel like I'm tethered to my body by a string but it's about to break. And so many other awful feelings and imaginations. Many which feel out of bodyish.

My past doctors, both pcp and therapy, all said it's depression, sleep apnea and/or due to ptsd aka multiple personality dissorder. F THAT!! I never felt in my gut like they were on to what it really was. Now I know.

This is one symptom/issue that is probably the most debilitating in regards to my relationships. My personality is so different than what I used to be like. I've become paranoid, angry, confusing, having inappropriate behaviours/responses/words that too often seem like it's all coming from someone else that I'm not connected to, and so much more.

I'm taking only natural items for LD/co. Anything help with this?
Posted 3/26/2014 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
living-free, I wrote about the "lyme umbrella." My daughter had this analogy for me when I was first dx and going crazy with fear and anxiety. We're now writing a book on this analogy. : ) It is very helpful to hear how this is like an umbrella. Sure helped me a great deal!
Posted 3/26/2014 8:25 PM (GMT 0)
I have problems with proprioception. What is around me or myself feels different to how it really is.

Sometimes I feel my head is really small or really big, my hands feel like they have the size of something larger than a basket ball. Or it feels like my legs are far away from the rest of my body. When I sit, it feels like my bum is meters somewhere in a black space underneath me, but far away.

Or I'm in a tunnel, something that is in reality very close seems very far or the other way around.
Sometimes, when someone is talking to me, they seem very close and at the same time very far away from my body, it feels as if I can't even keep on listening to them, I don't understand what they are saying.
Posted 3/26/2014 8:30 PM (GMT 0)
Cocoon, Thanks for clarifying. I knew I would never find that post again, and could not remember who wrote it. I think of it often. I'm so thankful you shared. How exciting to be writing a book. Before I knew I had lyme, I often felt like I was losing myself. Hubby would even say to me, "I just want my wife back". In my head I would scream, I am here. But could never explain what exactly was going on.
I appreciate the moments when the umbrella is closed, and truly believe those times will become greater every day.
Posted 3/26/2014 8:42 PM (GMT 0)
I had this for an entire year. It's really quite an experience. When it's gone and it will leave... You will have so much more respect for you're senses and normal state of being and will never take them for granted. I will never smoke weed/do a drug again that will alter my conscience because all it will remind me of is that year. When the cloud leaves you literally feel reborn. Oh and the only thing that fixed this was ABX... Herbs only have me mild relief.
Posted 3/26/2014 9:11 PM (GMT 0)
What is depersonalization?

I have to tell people I'm disoriented in regards to space and time.

J. told me I had trouble with proprioception, but I can't remember exactly what that means.

Margaret
Posted 3/26/2014 9:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Imom, I did in fact have this along with detachment...very strange out of this world feelings. Antibiotics have improved this about 90%. I hope you can get better and enjoy your wedding. :)
Posted 3/27/2014 11:09 AM (GMT 0)
After reading this thread, I have realised that I too have been experiencing depersonalisation a lot over the last 3 years since getting sick. I think part of it is that I'm in so much pain and experience so many weird sensations and symptoms all the time - it often seems the only way to continue on with my life is to disconnect from my body, because my whole body is so stuffed up.

I've decided to start doing Pilates for many reasons, one of which is that it will help my mind to reconnect to my body, as scary as that seems after years of ignoring my body for the most part.
Posted 3/27/2014 11:29 AM (GMT 0)
Jasmine,

Pilates is great for that!! I did it before I started treatment, for about 2 years, once, sometimes twice a week. I suffered hard (decreased muscle tone, no good shape at all, breathing problems, aches all over, I couldn't keep up with the rest, but I persisted cause it helped), but it definitely helped me with the body-mind connection. I did no longer have to go to an OD to work on me. My neck and shoulders were so much better with it.

Now it's impossible for me to do any kind of exercice... It'll be the first thing I start once I'm better. 

Posted 3/27/2014 11:50 PM (GMT 0)

Elleon said...
Imom0913, (this is my birth date 09/13! lol)

I too feel this way. I don't really have any emotions any more. I feel out of it so to speak. Sometimes I blame it on having a million things on my mind, like another herb to try to get rid of this but I don't know. Some days I feel "clearer" than others so who knows.

I LOVE essential oils. I use them before bed and I've herxed on them before. I am actually calling today to make an appointment for that raindrop massage that uses essential oils.

Haha how ironic haha It's my son and daughters birth year. I hate the feeling though because it's so weird to be emotionless when I' m usually the most empathetic person ever i used to feel other people' s pain when they told me their situationand now its like i can't connect I miss feeling
Posted 3/27/2014 11:52 PM (GMT 0)

opugirl said...
That is something that takes time lmom. i had depersonalization for a loooong time. My personality is slowly but steadily coming back. I recently laughed like 'really' laughed for so long I was crying. I literally haven't had that in years. No need to feel bad about delaying your wedding. You will get married when you are ready. Focus on healing for now...:) and try to spoil yourself every now and then - that helps too!

That is great news!!!! How long did you have the symptom? And what helped? I'll try tthank you, and you're right I'll get married when I'm ready.
Posted 3/27/2014 11:55 PM (GMT 0)

BarnGurl said...
Hi Imom, I did in fact have this along with detachment...very strange out of this world feelings. Antibiotics have improved this about 90%. I hope you can get better and enjoy your wedding. :)

What exactly have you taken tohelp alleviate this symptom? Ivs orals? Thank you I sure hope so too. (=
Posted 3/27/2014 11:59 PM (GMT 0)

Will228 said...
I had this for an entire year. It's really quite an experience. When it's gone and it will leave... You will have so much more respect for you're senses and normal state of being and will never take them for granted. I will never smoke weed/do a drug again that will alter my conscience because all it will remind me of is that year. When the cloud leaves you literally feel reborn. Oh and the only thing that fixed this was ABX... Herbs only have me mild relief.


Oh how Ican't wait for that day!!! I keep day dreaming about how it will feel when i don't feel like I'm in a dream and have full emotions. What helped you the most, like what abx?
Posted 3/28/2014 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hi,

I was just infected just over 4 months ago and I felt this big time for the first 2 months. Like I was out of it! Almost like I was on drugs, I remember one morning I was walking to work and comparing it to the equivocal impairment of drinking like 6-8 beers.

Fortunately with me I have been treating heavily with banderol, samento, minocycline, and now tinidazole. I have also been taking Cipralex the anti-depressant and i feel like my brain fog has cleared up and mental clarity is coming back. I also added in the herb Japanese knotweed and taking the whole root. So my treatment plan is heavy on medicines that can get into the brain. I want to get on a cell wall drug like ceftixone + probencid to increase blood levels to really clear things out.

I hate to say it, but this is a symptom of active Lyme bacteria in our brains. We have to treat with abx and or herbals that can pass through the blood brain barrier in order to clear this up.
Posted 3/29/2014 1:21 AM (GMT 0)
Ah, the grey soup! I think part of what you are all talking about is when you feel that you're in a "grey soup," and everything seems unreal and in black and white (or grey) vs. in color. I think you can feel that way when you're really sick, or close to death.

Margaret
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