Having trouble resuming my old life?

I'm turning 20 in a month and I am returning to college in August.

My story with Lyme is kind of long, as most Lyme patients are. I've had Lyme on and off since I was 6 years old. But the really bad symptoms didn't show up until I was 16. (And naturally, like most people the doctors told me I was crazy for 4 years rather than believe something was wrong with me.)

The worst part was I found records when I was 16 that said I tested positive for Lyme and then in the margin the doctor wrote, "Is this even really real?"

I was never told that I had tested positive for Lyme that year, neither were my parents. And I never received the doxy. they supposedly wrote for me either. I kind of want to write the doctor an angry letter, but they probably wouldn't read it anyway.

That's kind of a side note, but I still haven't really talked to my family about how angry I am that they just ignored the test result and told me I was crazy. For 4 years.

They tried to send me to more therapists, get me more anti-depressants,etc. They diagnosed me with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) that year.

Then this year I got sick all of the sudden and I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I was told I was depressed and anxious and making myself sick. The worst part was I believed that I was making myself sick.

But back to the real issue:
I had to leave my college in Massachusetts quite suddenly because I got sick earlier this fall in 2013. Now I realize there actually was a slow dissent, I just didn't want to see it at the time.

I have Bartonella, Babesia, and Lyme. Didn't find out about the Babesia and Lyme until February when anemia showed up in my blood tests and the doctors were confuse and I finally found a good LLMD who knew about IGENEX. And I didn't start treatment for the Bartonella until 35 days ago because they diagnosed that clinically.

I am always really, really tired. But I am supposed to be going back to college in the fall. (I'll only be taking the minimum credits but I'll be living there.) This time I will be going back to school in CT since I transferred schools. So a new school is also a stressor for me.

But something about going back to school, leaving home, etc. terrifies me. I don't know why. I guess I'm afraid of being unhappy but I am also just so TIRED.

I feel really depressed lately, but I no motivation to do anything. Lately, I've been getting some of my motivation and energy back, which makes me happier because I was a 3.8 student in an honors college and now I can't even get through one online course.

But I am also developing a bit of social anxiety, which totally isn't like me. Has anyone else experienced this? Please, I would really like some hope that I won't be a wreck this fall.
Thanks.

Post Edited (Violet Thomson) : 7/1/2014 11:03:53 AM (GMT-6)

Wow, even though I keep hearing these awful stories so many of us face in getting diagnosed and treated. How utterly irresponsible of that doctor. Btw, I can so relate to family, friends, coworkers thinking I was crazy, depressed, not really sick the last ten years. I try to forgive but on bad days I still get angry at the lack of support from those that should support us. They would expect it if it were them. I also after so many years of being told I did not have lyme have trouble believing I have it, dont trust doctors or tests. Doctor wants me to take genova one day hormone test and my lack of trust in doctors and lab tests. Makes it so hard to know what to do, how to spend and not waste financial resources.

Thanks for sharing, I still think our stories will help those who are just learning and searching for answers, reassurance that they are not crazy!

I cannot imagine how hard that must be! I truly feel for you. My situation has not been as long term or as dire but I feel that in some ways I can relate. I am also a college student, I just have Lyme though, no coinfections and it's only been 2 years. But for the first year and a half I was told I was just anxious and crazy. I'm a straight A student and really value my education. I was in an honors program until I had to transfer to a school that was closer to my home. I have also had to change my major twice and quit playing sports and other extra curriculars. I really get what you're saying though about developing social anxieties. I used to be much more out-going and comfortable and now I feel like I just want to isolate myself and I get really uncomfortable around people. I think for me a lot of it is because I can no longer do any of the things that made me happy and gave me confidence so I feel like I don't really like myself anymore so why should anyone else? Also, I think it's really hard to hold it together all the time and try to act like I'm not in pain or trying to avoid neurological symptoms and that can make it feel really stressful to be around other people. I find that I have to really force myself to get out there and I can only handle so much at a time. But I have noticed that with practice I'm getting more and more comfortable. And I try not to beat myself up about it because I've found that that just makes it worse. Hang in there!