one year of lyme is one year too many for me

I was diagnosed with lyme in july 2013. I had a tick bite in june (or maybe late may, I don't know), and a bullseye rash. it was on my outer left thigh. I felt lucky I had gotten the rash; I wouldn't have known otherwise. and that's my definite proof of lyme, so doctors can't deny that I ever had it.

went to a clinic; doctor didn't think it was lyme. gave me cephalexin for an 'infected bug bite' and sent me home. I was positive that it was lyme disease, but lol doctors know best, right?

it never went away, so over a month later, I went back and saw another doctor who said it was definitely lyme, and gave me doxy, and referred me to a specialist. that specialist was doing a study on PTLDS, but I wasn't eligible because of my past mental health. blood tests ended up being positive for lyme as well, of course.

I met my fiancé around this time, and was excited to start a new relationship with someone who wasn't abusive and terrible. he lived in another state, so we used skype and stuff to communicate daily. I felt like my life was turning around after years of depression, PTSD, BPD and extreme anxiety, along with therapy, hospital stays and medications.

I was okay for a while, I figured the antibiotics were enough and I'd move on with my life. I started having brain fog a month or so later. it was intermittent, but started getting worse as the year passed.

in december of 2013, I tripped and fell off the sidewalk stairs outside (about 3 steps) and landed on my chest; it bruised really bad and this was when I started having more intense problems.

I started having jaw pain, headaches. in january 2014, the pains started in my left leg. I thought it was DVT/a blood clot; I went to the doctors several times for the leg thing and also my chest. intense cramps, tingling, numb feelings, tight feelings. hip and knee pain, constantly. for weeks. no one believed me.

during that time, I also had intense right upper abdomen pain, in the back. I couldn't breathe in without a sharp pain radiating from my ribcage, somewhere. this lasted for about two days, but often happens (to a much lesser extent) when I wake up in the morning. I had x-rays done for that at the same doctor visit for my leg pain. there was 'nothing wrong' with me.

the brain fog has evolved into full-blown, 24/7 dissociation. I already had horrible vision, but it's gotten a bit blurrier, and I've had an increase in floaters, flashes and sensitivity to light.

my ability to speak clearly has gotten really messed up. I slur words a lot, I have trouble with recall; today I called the black plastic spoon in the kitchen every colour but black. I switch words around. I forget things. I don't feel like I can be employed like this.

I have cramps and pain in my left leg, hip pain, and paresthesia in my left hand quite a bit. and random headaches like I've never experienced before. extreme fatigue at times. and my newest issue has been never feeling full; I've gained over ten pounds in the past couple of months because I have cravings for food and keep eating. I'm already overweight so it isn't really helping.

my fiancé moved here in march 2014, and we live in my parents' house. and since then, I've noticed he's gotten more fatigued; he sometimes has chest pains, or that upper abdomen ache like I did. earlier today, he said his left hand was tingly for about an hour. I worry I've passed lyme onto him. he always insists he's fine but I know. I know it's not fine. I don't want to subject him to this hell.

I'm turning 21 on tuesday. there's still time for me to try to fix this; I could get treatment (if I had the money!!), I could lose weight and live healthier. maybe I could really 'move on with my life' like I thought I could a year ago. but I don't have the money, the resources, the transportation. I don't have the energy. and I'm so scared. I don't want this.

my life was supposed to be getting better, my mental illnesses were improving, I have a wonderful partner, I have a chance to live the life I always wanted but lyme threatens to take that from me every day. and it's only getting worse.

the cowden protocol is tempting. but I don't have the money, and I doubt I ever will. I wish I could do something. I will say that sometimes exercise helps my leg (and helped my headaches, which was odd), and I do my best to take a vitamin supplement.

my therapist said he'd help me with an SSDI application (providing clinical information if they called him) and my partner and I have an interview for food assistance lined up soon. he also has a steady job and a possible promotion to a supervisor position in the near future. so maybe that kind of stuff will help.

I miss going outside like before. besides being constantly fearful of tick bites again, my eyes can't handle the brightness. I can't do the things I used to anymore. it's making me sink back into depression and worsens my anxiety when I think about it too much; what's going to happen to me? to my partner? what can we even do?

Here it is:
www.needymeds.org

I'm so sorry your struggling so much. You may want to consider seeing a chiropractor when you have the funds to do it, since your fall could've knocked some things out of place

Start a new thread to ask for a Lyme literate doctor in your area. Put your request in the subject line, saying something like "Looking for LLMD in____." Then you'll have the info. when you are able to get some money together to go. You could call their office to see if they have suggestions for paying them. Also check for a Lyme support group. It helps to be with others who have Lyme.

Read through the "New to Lyme?" thread at the top of the page to learn about some things you can do on your own. Diet is very important. Keep sugar and carbs low so you're not feeding the bacteria. Eat a lot of vegies. This is a good time of year to get fresh ones. Farmers markets are good to shop at and are often lower priced.

I hope the links the others gave you will offer some hope. Let us know how you're doing. We're here to help and offer support, so stick around.