Unsupportive Husband

Hi MissWic,
I am sorry you are going through this right now. The only idea that comes to mind is to induct him into Lyme University by educating him as much as possible on the disease.
Does he go to your appointments with you? If not, I would MAKE him go with you so he can not only get information from the doctor but he can see that what you have is REAL and SERIOUS.
We men are dense and literal beings and need as much help as possible when it comes to empathy.
Again, my apologies on behalf of my species, but hang in there as he will come around eventually. He just needs additional training. ;-)

I can definitely sympathize MissVic. Right now I'm home living with my parents, which is a big help because i can't drive and i keep getting panic attacks when I'm in a car (really annoying considering I use to love going for a drive). However since my symptoms started, I've been hit really hard in the digestive area; acid reflux, constipation, diarrhea. I've had to cut out everything I and my family love to eat. Like gluten (we are big bread eaters), diary, most meat, anything acidic, anything fried, sugar and sadly chocolate.

I have my good days and bad days, and since starting my abx I've improved. Some days I feel it more than others, which is hopeful, but then the bad days come right back around. However the stomach and digestive issues still remain. But since they don't understand how I feel, they want me to go out and eat or to "try this and see how you feel." They think they're pushing me to get better, when in actuality they are making really hard for me. Just yesterday they went out for barbecue and brought back leftovers. The smell alone was enough to make me cry.

I've been standing my ground and not had a bite of anything I know will make me worse. Anytime they bring it up I just tell them I can't and start listing out reasons why. I tell them point black that they don't understand my limitations. I've practically gone vegetarian/paleo overnight, only sadder cause I still have issues. It's hard but I know I have to be stronger than they are. And there is some comfort knowing that I've not given in because it will only set me back.

I'm not sure what you can tell, do or show your husband that would suddenly click. Just be strong and stick with it. Last thing you want to do is end up sicker or worse in the hospital because of something you ate.

Hope you feel better soon. Stay strong!

Gracious thanks to all. I know that it must be hard on him too. I used to be such a different person; outgoing, active and happy.

 Jeffissick? no need to apologize for the entire male population. I have found with the Lyme that it takes one to know one. That's why you can be so sympathetic to the cause! My prayers are with you for a speedy cure.

Girlie - Thanks for your support. I tend to just retreat because I just can't muster enough emotion to care. It's sad, but true. I had hoped that he would really educate himself about this disease, but he is just tired of dealing with it I think. It's hard to blame him though. In my experience if you don't have it yourself, you can't know how devastating this is.

Cheetahjade- I used to get panic attacks when I drove, but found a doctor years ago who put my on Paxil. I haven't had one since. The generic is pretty cheap. I feel worse for your situation than I do my own! I was so prepared to continue my pity party all by myself, but your post has made me realize that I am not alone. That so many others are just like me. I love all those foods you do too, and it is HARD. Lucky for me, I also love meat, cheese and vegies.

Garden Peace - I know what you mean by saying we don't look ill. I can tell people I have been sick for months and months and they standard reply is "But you don't look sick". How many of us have heard that?

And like you, my plants and flowers, bird feeders and baths, are my thing. There is nothing better than dirt therapy. I missed all of last year, but have forced myself this year. It won't make a difference in how I feel physically, but the emotional benefit is priceless. I sometimes crawl from plant to plant, but dang it, I get there!

Thank you guys. You have turned my lousy day around with your encouragement. I value you all. I am currently on Mepron (last month!), zithromycin and Ceftin along with a host of other complemetary goodies on the side. I pray that we all find the cure to this miserable disease!

I think there are men out there with it suffering...and just trying to deal with it.

I know my husband has some symptoms - and he pretty much goes everywhere I go - accompanied me when I ran on the trail in the bushes for two years prior to my lyme symptoms. Has camped along side me every summer throughout our marriage...and has sat in our back yard where the deer often are each summer...so he could very well have it, too.
He has joint pain, swollen, sore glands on the neck, fatigue, doesn't sleep well...
I'm trying to convince him to at least get the test. He says he will maybe someday...
If he does test positive...you won't see him coming on the forum...wouldn't want to share with everyone...maybe there's a lot of men like him???

Is it possible that your husband can't emotionally deal with how sick you are? If he acts as if your not sick than it allows him to pretend your OK.

Does he normally deal with feelings and emotions well? Or is he the kind of man who's standard reply is "i'm fine"

I ask that because it is the way my folks have handled my being sick. They know it, but it's difficult for them to handle their child being in so much pain. For the most part they pretend as if this doesn't exist. I also work for my family and my not being their puts a heavier burden on my mom.
Logic often doesn't mix well with emotions. Logically your husband knows your sick but emotionally he wants you to be you. It's possible that while his behavior is hurtful and frustrating since you need all the support you can get, he just misses you.
Have you felt well enough to have a discussion explaining that you want to be back to the you before Lyme more than anyone else but you need his help to get there?
I know I can be completely off track but so often men need to be taken care of and with Lyme it's hard enough to take care of ourselves.

Based on where you are one of the better things I have seen besides Under My Skin was ABC7 Bay Area did an interview with Amy Tam the author last month. She has had Lyme for 15 years. She lives in San Francisco and her LLMD was also part of the interview along with a mother and her two teenagers who have Lyme. You should be able to find that easily on the ABC 7 website. Do a search for Lyme or Amy Tam.

I hope something is his light bulb moment.