how to live with a chronic illness

someone please tell me how to do this. I am so sick of being sick I want to die tonite. I feel like I have nothing left. I can't work as a RN I can't ride my horse like I could if I was well. I am separated from my husband and he already has a 28 yr old ********** living with him and he is 72. I feel like I have lived a whole life full of pain being a victim of covert sexual and emotional incest. now this. I live in pain. I also think I have dysautonomia.

if I don't take azithromycin I can't hardly function and diflucan. I am on levaquin now hoping I just had bartonella and I stopped the zithro. I could not hardly function on other antibiotics and I live alone. I am scared I am going to be a cripple. I have a cute house and my cat lies in bed with me. I say I will live until you die so I can be with you I love her so much but after she is gone, I am going to kill myself. I am getting iv peroxide too and it doesn't seem to work anymore.

I keep thinking about what the dentist said about my teeth. about bacteria being in my root canals and I have too cavitations. has anyone had any root canals pulled and felt better.

Mystery1, Please don't think like that, it only makes things worse.

You got infected and it wasn't your fault. You have to learn to live with what you got and try to live each day the best way that you can, no matter how bad you feel. If you feel sorry for yourself and give up hope, then guess what? You are only hurting yourself and your chances of ever getting better.

Instead of using what little energy you have thinking about what your husband is doing and who he is doing it with, use that energy to come up with a new plan to get better.

Try this...go to the store and buy some art supplies. Then draw the nastiest and ugliest bug or bacteria that you can imagine. something horrible. Then color it with some repulsive colors. use your hands and fingers to paint it then give it a name to make things personal. Then imagine that this beast is what is inside of you, stealing your live away and making you sick.

Then each day, tell this drawing of yours that you are going to kill it. Scream at it, take all your anger against it. Get so mad at it that you don't have any more energy to think of other things but on ways to kill this bug.

This is a great emotional exercise that will teach you to focus on the bug and not on things that you can't change. Once you channel your energies on getting better, you will get better.

Oh yeah, one more thing, who else is going to care for your horse and your cat if you are gone? It is not their fault that you got sick. They depend on you getting better, so if you don't do it for yourself, do it for them.

And about your teeth, bugs have been in us, on us, all over us forever. tooth plaque is bacteria and you know that has been there a long time. So, don't worry about what the dentist said, as you treat the main infection, this will get treated as well.

Mystery1, It sounds like you have a lot of rotten things going on in your life right now. Please don't give up five minutes before the miracle happens. I think we've all felt how you do at times, I know I have. It really sucks not being able to work, feels so isolating. Now our work is to heal.
Just hang on tight, try and get a good nights sleep, and know things will get better.
I like healing98's advice, I just might try it.

Dear Mystery,

This disease is a mystery, ever morphing until we solve it for ourselves individually. It's an adventure--even if we didn't choose to undertake it we can choose many of our next steps to wellness.

I smiled when I read that you have a cute house and a sweet cat--at least you're still able to name the good things. I'm sure your horse is beautiful as well. Like the others said, you have a lot to live for and you will NOT be sick forever. I just said some very specific prayers for you: may you feel hopeful in the morning, supported by this community, healthy and whole and knowing that you are indeed getting better. We'd like to learn what eventually works for you on your journey to wellness. Hang in there! xoxoxo

Hi Mystery,

I used to do that with my dog. She was what kept me alive. But it was a lot of pressure to put on her, and she has chronic Lyme as well.

If your cat keeps you alive, then do whatever you can to stay alive.

More importantly, you must keep hoping. Hope is what you have to keep alive.

The Buddhists say you have to stay in the moment, and while that's true to some extent, it's also true that you absolutely cannot know what the future will bring.

Right when you're about to give up, something can change

For now, keep going if for no reason than to keep going.

I decided that it was fine to be alone, because it meant I was going to avoid diversions, and really focus and concentrate on my healing. That helped me, although it's hard, especially the herxing--that is really, really hard.

Make sure your cat is happy and well too, so it's not a one way street.

Although the concept of God can mean many different things to different people, I like the concept of, "Let go; let God." Bluntly put, killing yourself means you are not letting God or fate or the future take over; you are allowing your pain to guide you.

I would suggest trying to let go of all the painful stuff, apart from the things you absolutely cannot change, but you can symbolically let go of those as well. I imagine those kinds of things dissolving into a white or golden light, and that light is, well, God, and then God or the universe takes over and "decides" your outcome rather than you.

Please stay with this forum.

Margaret

Hi Mystery~

Well, I'm so glad to hear it seems like you're feeling more optimistic about things right now. I know how frustrating illnesses like this can be and it makes you feel so helpless. But please don't give up hope. And definitely try and surround yourself with as much help and encouragement as you can. It's so easy to get down when you're isolated. So, is there a possibility of finding a support group of some kind in your area? Have you ever thought about meeting with a counselor? Even just calling a helpline when you're facing those moments of feeling at the end of your rope can be a life-saver. Something like the Suicide Prevention Line (1-800-273-TALK (8255)), or I know Focus on the Family (1/800-A-FAMILY) as a helpline as well that might be useful? So, just a couple things to think about. You'll definitely be in my prayers, friend.

Hi mystery,

I really feel for you as when I was sick there were so many times I wanted to end it.. I don't post much about the negatives that I went through (perhaps I should) because I try to stay in the positive but that is not going to help you.

I also went through the stress of a separation then a divorce (I wanted the separation because my ex didn't believe I was sick and we fought so much that I couldn't handle it anymore). It was a very rough time in my life and I remember thinking that if I drowned myself in my pool who would take care of my doggies (they passed away a long time ago). My doggies were my children and it was because of them that I hung in there.

Anyway, as you know I used alternative medicine to get better. But I know people who had trouble taking abx and trying to get off of them. One person I was friends with finally combined the abx with Dr. Jernigan's Borrelogen and she tried this 3 different times (didn't tell her LLMD) and on the 3rd try she got off the abx and stuck with Dr. J's protocol. She became totally well.

It's really hard to address the stressors, the doctors and everything else in life...

Maybe try to focus on just ONE positive you have and keep calling your friends. You can e-mail me if you just want to vent in private...

Big hugs to you,
Denise

Hi again mystery,

Yes, the stress of a bad relationship really stinks and I went from a happy person to a really miserable, depressed person.. The stress of the fighting was unbelievable... Now it's just a bad memory that I don't think about too much... Good for you for separating from your husband!

If you decide to do Jernigan's, keep it simple so you know which botanical is working for you. I started with only Borrelogen because I wanted to know if I felt any different which I did. Then I added the Neuro-Antitox CNS/PNS Formula and took both together for 3 months. After that I stopped the Borrelogen and took Microbojen (still taking the CNS/PNS Formula).

I also started detoxing (the baths, etc.)..

If you have any questions, just ask okay?

Denise