How to keep your cool through the upset and anger

This is one of the most difficult parts of the whole Lyme experience for me.

On the one hand, we are taught from childhood that we are individually responsible for our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. We have morals and personal values and try to live up to them.

On the other hand, vast amounts of research has been done on the mental/emotional/cognitive effects of chronic illness, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, sleep deprivation, and the symbiotic relationship of the immune system with emotional responses.

We have an illness, or complex of illnesses, that are characterized by a chronicity of all these problems and more- including perceptual distortion and in some, profound neurological processing deficits.


But then we beat ourselves up for getting a bit crabby... crap, at least we have an excuse!

I share your concern, IHL, and it distresses me too. I try to stay self-aware, breathe, and act as normal as possible but it's not easy. From what I hear there is hope, and as the neuro system cleans up a lot of these issues tone down to the point of being manageable.

Valerian root that's a good idea. Catching up on sleep is never bad!

Even walgreens has valerian root in the vitamin isle.

Many man made drugs are modeled after something natural, but way stronger.

Valium is almost a synthetc copy of valerian, modeled after it, but way stronger.

So dont take bunch of Valerian root, unless you want to get floored LOL!

Meditation helps. Or you can do a centering prayer type meditation.

You can also try not engaging in a conversation that might provokes you. Learn what your triggers are, and either leave the room or change the subject.

That's what I've learned to do. It's hard though.

Acceptance helps me a lot, though I have to keep reminding myself every day (to accept my illness, and to accept any circumstance around me).

Margaret

I know what you are talking about first hand. I have flipped out over nothings, only to then choose to go over the situation in my head, figure out what/where/how/why/when and discuss this with the Other (fiance, usually.) Together we then brain storm, and I try to figure out how/what to do differently so to not go down that road again. Most times I find these situations are triggered by something (hunger/tired/external & internal stressers/etc.). Lots of work, but better than not trying, for me.

Even though so much of this for me is from the brain inflammation/tbd, I'm learning that for me, it's trial and error. As I'm learning and staying open to understanding, I am able to make needed changes. Support certainly helps.

Am I 100% successful? No. Not yet, but probably never will be 100%. I am human. :) I'll take anything closer to 95%. I'm trying, no, I'm doing! So are YOU. Because you are AWARE! Yeah!!!!

Also, try to remember that every area of our lives, EVERY AREA, is changed/touched by this illness(es). Thus, with so many changes and losses we experience across so many areas in our lives, we will go through the GRIEVING PROCESS in every area and with every loss/change, whether we are aware that's happening, or not.

Five stages of grieving: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
And, these are not linear, they might/do jump around, back and forth, until you are ready to move on.

I've become accutely aware of this fact, and have brought this fact into my life, making myself aware of how this is happening, and what stages of the grieving process I might be at in each area of my life. Now that's a lot of awareness, but so worth helping to love myself through all the changes.

Isn't that what we need? Learning to love OURSELVES, not the illness/suffering, in every stage we are in, so that we are then ready/able to advance to the next stage? Upward and onward, healing is not stagnant. It's a verb.

If we are asking, seeking, trying, doing ... then we are victorious.

Post Edited (Soaring Free) : 11/30/2014 5:02:36 AM (GMT-7)

Being heard, and then having Others trying to understand goes a long way, at least for me.

I remind myself that I am at times confused, angry, afraid, etc, and
that I'm the one dealing with this firsthand, and yet those in my life
must also be dealing with their own fears, frustrations, angers, etc.,
because all they have to 'go by' is me,
AND I USUALLY LOOK JUST FINE.
Plus, how many 'professionals' said I was fine? It's tough.

I pray that each of us learns to listen and hear ourselves in all of this.
That's tough, because I've read that the people who usually get
tbd/chronic type illnesses that affect the immune system
are type A people, and also those who are 'givers' and compassionate,
and both are usually very much perfectionists.

I'm the compassionate/perfectionist, and
I'm realizing and accepting
I Must Learn To Take Care Of MYSELF.

That is way out of my comfort zone, and experience.
I'm learning, as others around me are learning this
is the way it has to be if I am to heal. Period.

I pray we all learn that this is something only we can do.
With a lot of help from Others.

Oh, and my youngest son is soon to move back home for a time.
He approached me two weeks ago and said he is concerned.
Concerned if he'll be able to handle my 'melt downs,' especially
if I were to verbally attack him.

Imagine that, how brave for him to address this. And, for me
to hear, understand, and have us work out ways to hopefully
defuse any situation(s) that might arise.

Life as I've known it has changed in every way,
but I'm counting my blessings, because everyone around me
is learning that either they learn to live in the present,
and communicate in authenticity with me,
or we can't have a relationship at this time.

I love who is in my life now.

Hang in there.
From all I've read from your posts,
I believe you have a Fire inside of you, that nothing will/can quench.

IHL- This is more on topic with close ones (family ect) understanding of your lyme.

Remind your fiance that even top athletes can get this. Most assume athletes don't get leveled by illness except injuries. Might be surprised how lyme can effect anybody.

Lyme can change you, no matter who you are. But its not forever, just seems like it.

Most of us know of the two Olympians that had lyme- remind him that.

What Lyme awarness needs American needs is for a pro football player to get it - and tell. As bad as this sounds, (I admit it!), that would hit the media like a ton of bricks. Since America is all about football.

Without detail, I somehow got a first at a US National in my sport (now categorized as an extreme sport I guess) in the late 90's. Didnt know it was lyme that hindered injuries from healing. I still have my VHS copy of the ESPN event footage, waving at the camera man after a comeback wipe-out ****. Going fast, grunge music, Red Bull and long hair (LOL) was the life I enjoyed (between the mysterious pain that got worse).

Then Lyme came on harder and all that changed in a couple years. Soundgarden still rocks on occasion, I still like RedBull, but watch extreme sports as a spectator (with short hair LOL).

When I occasionally meet past acquaintances / competitors who ask why I fell of the planet all of a sudden and never came back - They dont expect my answer to be a four letter word. L Y M E.

I know a couple others in my past sports circle that caught and cured lyme before late stage, they can relate better.

We all feel this robed us, but with different stories.. Lyme can level anyone.

I doubt it was that no one cared… it's that SO FEW people really understand what lyme & co. is. What it does. What it means. I lived in NYC and traveled/worked all throughout New England for 10 yrs. Yet people who LIVE THERE still don't understand how I could be SICK from lyme… have a tick bite, yes, but be so ill? Doesn't make sense to them.

-p

I have wondered about acupuncture myself.

Someone told me the herbal combo called Anziet-T, worked great. I never tried it since my liver doesn't detox well, and this has herbal Kava it it.

Kava alone is almost a sedative, (I liked it for a short time) but should not be used prolonged or if one has liver detox issues.

We know why Bush Jr. had speech problems. Its sad that pro sports figures have more meaning to people than our leaders. Just saying - without any political comments.

People still think Oh, yea, Lyme? You just take some pills and its gone.........????

GREAT idea about the DVDs—good for you. I bet it did feel good to focus your angst with something productive. One can only hope that someone in the office felt the professional responsibility to at least investigate.

None of this controversy, misinformation and general negligence of the medical profession is acceptable. It needs to change from the top down and from the grassroots up. It's a long, long process but every step you take does make a difference. I mentioned in a thread awhile back that when I get to a really dark place, I try to soothe my ire with thoughts about who I want to sue when I'm well. Despite having pretty good medical insurance, I've lost my entire life savings thanks to 15+ years going undiagnosed.

And then on my better days I try to plan for those days when I'm well and I can help change things in better ways and help prevent others from going down this crippling journey. Things will change.

-p