Posted 4/15/2015 12:47 PM (GMT 0)
MY CURRENT STATE DESCRIBED THE BEST I COULD:
I have never felt so horrible in my entire life, there is nothing like it, the symptoms are like an objective thing but really feel like a part of me and ago****ng most of the time. I don't feel like the same person, is difficult to even put the feelings or sypthoms into words almost like I would try to describe an emotion, feeling totaly out of it, headeach, brain pressure, dizzy, drunk like or drugged (this one is the worst), sound sensitive, light sensitive, brain fog, memory problems, lack of vitality and energy, food feels like alcoohol and sleeping pills, complete stress and anxiety that can trend to overweling pannic and sinking feelings, it feels like like half of my brain is totally missing, not even human conscience should feel like it should. Detached, unreal, sereal, with a symphony of ringging and woosing in my ears, emotions on total roller coster from the darkest depression to sinking, mood swings. Hours long, anxiety attacks to anger and rage, things look different, is hard to say what is off, depth, color, dimention, brigthness. Static over everything, sometimes feeling like I will lose my mind.I believe that at this point I am half insane and I have suicidal tendencies.
I was diagnosed with chronic lyme and bartonella based on IIF and DFM test, by Dr. Bela P. Bozsik, a well know lyme specialist from Hungary and I will start treatment soon.
I want to share my story for other to read because is an insane story and also ask any help and adices.
BRIEF STORRY HOW MY ILLNESS STARTED:
Before I started to feel ill I was a person full of life, I was going to gym 4-5 times a week and tried to have a healthy diet, I owed a I.T. small company and I was one of the senior developer and one of the best, working with clients all over the world, my life was more then perfect.
in June 2014 when I was at a picknick with my wife and little girl I developed a wired rash on my entire body with the exception of the face and fever (not the bulles eye rash), I had symptoms similar to a flu, that lasted about four days after which the rash disappeared but my feet started to itch really bad like something was crawling under my skin (I remember that during those days that I searched for parasites on the web because of the crawling sensation I thought that something is actually crawling under my skin and now I know that is what happened) this lasted about three days then I was fine... In the next two months I noticed that I could not concentrate at work, took frequent breaks and it was impossible to write code and any more. At gym I had energy but something felt wrong.
Then something really wired happened, I started to have serious cognitive issues, could not work at al, I was always in a drunk / drugged state. I remember that I was working on a really difficult project and I was so excided to do it and then I realised that something is not as it should, I was not e anymore. I started to constantly feel drunk (it feels as I had a glass of wine), extremely tired and fatigued. After meals the drunk feeling was so severe that I had to lye down in bed and also I had terrible hart palpitation with increased pulse and lower blood pressure.
From October 2014 until February 2015 I was hospitalised multiple times in different hospitals, I had and still have diabetic sympoms but all they could find was prediabetes which again is wired (prediabetes comes over time not in two months) and of course depression even tough I've told the doctors more then one time that I had no reason for depression, they didn't believe any of my symptoms and said that they are in my head or that I am scared because I know how serious diabetes can be... even if I had signs of diabetes (high collesterol, high triglicerides, faild the glucose test at border line diabetes) they said probably is from stress...
Currently I have high blood sugar after meals and recently I had episodes of blood sugar over 200 mg/dl and I use a lot of natural herbs to lower my blood sugar. I was put on metformin that had absolutely no effect it actually made things worse because I was with diarreha and blood sugar was the same. Also put on antidepressive twice without any result they even made things worse, all my symptoms worsen, specially the headeach.
It is pointless to say that I was humiliated by all doctors that I've seen because they would not believe my symptoms, all off them thought that I am depressed or even worse...
During this time my immune system was going down, currently my leucocites number is under the normal range, the doctors could not explain why, made a clostridium infection because of some antibiotics that thay geve me for a prostate infection... and at the current time I am feel like I a ready to die or worse lose my mind.
SYMPTOMS THAT I HAVE NOW:
Constant fatigue, lack of energy, dizzines, brain fog, headache and brain pressure changing in intensity specially after meals, ocasional and more frequent pin pricks pain in my brain or scalp (difficult to explain the sensation), I feel disconnected from reality is like I am in a dream, also sometimes I have the feeling that something is crawling under the skin of my scalp.
The worst sympthom is a constant state of drunk/drugged feeling that intensify after meals, the more carbs I eat the worse, also after meals I get extremely tired and sleepy.I am at a a point that I am afraid to eat, I feel closer to normality if I am starving myself.
Short term and long term memory issues, cognitive problems, difficulty to access thoughts and impossibility to multitask, I can't do simple things any more, everything is difficult.
The above symptoms are really hard to explain and makes life impossible, they prevent me to function as a normal human being or better said makes me a walking, talking plant since I can't take care of myself any more. How can I go and say to a doctor that I am drunk like all the time and after meals is 10 times worse, this sound so stupid and I am aware of it but this is exactlly what happenes and is not something that I make to myself.
The simplest things are confusing and overwhelm me, for example a simple conversation makes me so dizzy, drunk, confused and tired that I have to lie down in bed. If I go in a mall or a place with multiple sounds my senses are overwhelmed and I feel lost, dizzy and super confused. I can't even play with my little girl beacause she makes a lot of noice which is driving me crazy, this breaks my hart and ruing what's left of my soul.
Sensitive to noise and sound, three tinitus (ringing in ears), two in my left ear and one in my right ear, when I move my eyes one tinitus is changing frequency and when I am really tired and this happens a lot without much of an effort and I move my eyes I can actually feel the nerves impuls in my brain and one of the tinitus is changing frequency.
Sensitive to light, vision with noise, snow and flashy spots, everything looks distorted, occasional blurry vision with my left eye, after images (I look at an object then look away only to have the outline of the object has followed). Is a nightmare to go out when during the day, everything seam distorted and unrealistic.
Knees and hips pain that comes and goes (I never had knees and hips pain before this).
Green stool.
When I manage to exercice instead of feeling good and oxigenated I feel more confused and most of the time I get extreme headeache.
Frequent urination, pale skin (not noticable now because I cathed some sun), sweet taste in mouth.
CONCLUSION:
I have developed depression and I believe depersonalization because there are eight months now since I feel like this and things are getting worse. All I can do is to stare at the walls all day long, lost my bussiness, lost normality, lost all contact with reality, when I think at my old life I get panic attacks and anxiety (this is not me I was a really strong man with my feet planted in life), basically I am someone else and is not becasause I want to, my brain doesn't function anymore, I am trying really hard to keep what's left of my sanity and I am convinced that I will die, actually at the state that I am now this will be a bleassing for me and my familly.
I want to ask if anybody with lyme had problems with food or blood sugar issues and if there is something that I can do.
How the heck I developed diabetes in 5 months considering that I was doing so much exercise every day, had a healty diet, this is impossible...
Is there a clinic in Europe that can actually help me and if so can anybody suggest one.