balancing life and rest

I'm really not sure how to go about balancing life (i.e. things I need to do) and rest. I'm always tired to some degree. My most recent 4x saliva cortisol show things are improving, but I'm still not 'normal'. That plus the fevers/nausea/dizziness/air hunger/etc from babesia means I'm pretty much tired all the time. If I try to do more than just the bare minimum (feeding horses, getting food/water for myself), I wind up super tired. I have some really physical stuff to do, but no energy. I did a lot on monday, and I still haven't recovered.

I really want to just do the bare minimum and that's it. Even sitting up and doing computer work is too exhausting some days. And since I've had this fatigue for my whole life, my normal reaction is just to ignore what I need and push through it. But I physically can't do that anymore. Because I'm so used to just forging ahead, I'm afraid of doing too much. I thought I was going to take thing easy, but I just don't know how to do that. I also have no idea what it feels like to feel well and have energy. Maybe perpetual exhaustion is just how life is supposed to be?

How do you balance needing to rest and also needing to do stuff?

For me its computer work, hoof trimming, planning garden, re-starting seeds, cleaning the house (and my room...hasn't been done in 2 years...), etc. And I really want to work. I don't want to have fun. I know I'm sick and all, but I feel like I'm being lazy. Even though I know I'm not.

I also don't know how to have fun (or really think I deserve to have fun or be happy). I've always been the kind of person who'd make sure I did my work first and I didn't get to have fun until my work was done. So since I can't work like I used to, I just don't do anything fun. Of course, some stuff I used to enjoy is either very physical (horse training) or very mentally demanding (hand weaving or reading).

Severe Fatigue isn't one of my symptoms...but I do get more tired than pre-lyme - if I overdo it.

I am good at leaving things go...around the house...my house used to be super clean....now I only vacuum once a week now....sometimes less than that..and on that day...that is the only chore I will do other than making meals.

I don't have animals to take care of like you do (except my kitty - which doesn't take much energy) - so I can understand the predicament you are in. Those chores need to be done.
You need to rest during the day - force yourself to!!

Thanks everyone. :D

I wound up playing a video game today, and it was fun.

I feel pretty good in the morning, but things go downhill from there. Kinda follows what my last cortisol report said (normal in AM, low the rest of the day). Getting breakfast and assembling morning herbs, etc isn't too bad. By the time I get the feed buckets out, I'm exhausted (no more spoons). I then have 30-40 minutes to either sit or lie down in the feed room. Then its finishing up outside and crawling back to the house. Same thing in the afternoon again, as far as feeding goes.

Then the question is, do I just rest or do I push myself to do something? If I do more than feeding the horses and me, I wind up sleeping 9-11 hours. But things keep piling up. Things I have to do for me and the horses.

Does this make sense? If I work for 1 day (5-10 on scale of physical exertion, 5 being walking around/computer work for most of the day and 10 being heavy lifting for 1-3 hours), then I do nothing but the bare minimum for 2 day. Work 1 day, rest 2, and repeat.

Thanks Sundame. Its nice to know there's someone else who's been through something similar. Did taking a year off from life help?

I've been at this for so long, that I question if I even have a right to be happy and healthy. I don't know if this is me or the babesia depression talking. I'm tired of hearing myself talk about how awful I feel, so I've just been trying to ignore it and try to push on like I used to. There's just nothing left in the tank anymore.

This list that I have is stuff that's treatment related (updating my supplement list to send to my LLND, cleaning tub for detox baths), animal care related (hoof trimming, cage cleaning, etc), making food for myself, putting together a food shopping list, getting a plan ready for the vegetable garden and re-starting seeds (easier and more affordable to grow veggies than buy), and clean my room (so I can theoretically get a real bed instead of sleeping on a bean bag chair and camping mattresses). And I also co-own a business that we're starting up, but I can't handle doing anything for that. The problem I have is that life just doesn't stop because I'm sick. If I stop, the mountain of work just keeps growing. There's no one else I can delegate any of this to. Part of why I do the animal care stuff is that there's no one else here who can do the job properly.

I have a laptop, but no real bed. I also have a old desktop, but I can't figure out how to update it so I can play some old games on it.

I too have had a difficult time balancing how much I can do before I know I have pushed myself too far. I have 3 horses who normally live outside 14-16 hours a day and spend the nights I their stalls, I got to the point where cleaning their stalls was just too much and decided this spring that they could live outside 24/7,which was a very difficult decision for me. It has physically and emotionally helped me a lot to just have to feed them twice a day and if I have anything left maybe they get a light grooming.
Watching them out in my pasture everyday knowing I don't have the energy or strength to ride is heartbreaking, I have only ridden once in the past year, I used to ride three horses a day, plus chores,work, etc. I was a very active person before Lyme and co, learning to let go of all that I used to do and want to do has been the worst part of being sick for me.
But I am learning to let go and try to find happiness in just sitting out in the paddock with my horses giving them treats or reading a good book. Everyone needs to find some happiness/joy in the day to make it thru this journey. As much work as the horses are, and everyone tries to blame my not getting better on working so hard to take care of them, they get me out of bed everyday and off the couch every evening, without them I don't know where I would be right now. So I have tried to look at them, and the work involved with them, not as work, but as physical and mental therapy, it's amazing how one little nicker at feeding time can keep me smiling the rest of the day and give me the courage and strength to keep fighting to get well.