Kathie said...
More: (this fits with Lyme and co)
"Anger that is repressed can also turn inward. People who repress their anger can actually suppress their immune system, making it turn against itself. When that happens, you’re going to get autoimmune disease. Anger and the immune system have the same purpose: to protect boundaries. The immune system does its job of attacking foreign particles, and anger does its job of keeping out human invasions.
When you suppress your response to a boundary invasion, you’re going to become stressed. If I started rifling through your purse, for instance, and you didn’t object but instead repressed your anger, you’d feel very stressed, because you’d be worried I’d take your money. It takes tremendous energy to suppress emotions. The act itself is stress producing. Self-suppression is not innate. It’s a learned coping style. When you’re a child and your parents can’t handle your feelings, you learn to suppress them to maintain your relationship with your parents. But what was a coping response in the child becomes a source of illness in the adult."
Believe me, I do not see an advantage with letting it out, either. I have spent a life time repressing. I can almost remember the date when my ability to separate myself from what was hurting me emotionally stopped. I honestly believed it was a survival instinct that I had back then. I don't know if it's my age or the illness that changed all that, but now that I find myself unable to keep from responding immediately to 'crap'.
I don't like it, and I'm sure those that experience it don't like it much. The only one I still manage to avoid confronting (which is sort of how these things play out) is my daughter. She's pretty fragile too, and after years of on again/off again estrangement, I don't want to ruin the good place we have been at this past year.
I find people to be even more irritating as this Lyme thing takes hold in my brain and I seem to have no problem hiding it. And while I found that I am now
more tolerant of myself these days, I absolutely don't like me this way. But then I'm speaking of more irritations than boundary invasions.